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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/harry1989
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Review by Harry Roberts Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I think this is a very promising introduction for what is presumably a thriller?

Whilst, I personally am not so keen on being introduced to a story through a killing, I know it does really capture the reader's attention and it certainly makes you want to read on. But, be aware I think such a horrific description, while powerful, can leave a reader with a slight sickness in their throat. I was left with a sense that while I would find this story fascinating and gripping, it would be highly disturbing and perhaps not the best choice for a nice relaxing read! That said, I think that is fine if that is the story you are trying to write. But, I do think you need to think carefully about what the introduction says to a reader about your story.

In terms of whether I would read on, well I think i certainly would so well done. :)

My only slight criticism was the description "a shyness that was beyond endearing" - I just felt this was strangely worded, but maybe that was deliberate?
Does this strange description contribute to this unusual and tragic scene of a teenage girl's first fatal kiss? It is as though her endearing nature is her weakness in this chapter, which is highly unusual in a context of a first kiss! Anyway maybe just something to think about?
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