Hallo,
You build the atmosphere really well. that's one of my favorite things. If I can feel the rain, hear the drops, I can likely tune in to the readers emotions. A couple quick, little things.
You jump from past tense to present and back again. If this is intentional, the reader will need a bigger que. Like paragraph breaks with the change in tense. There were a coupel run on sentences and toward the end a couple sentences missing capitalisation and periods, but I suspect you were writing more in the moment at that time.
The "Im not ready for round two!" did take me out of the moment a little. It was a little light hearted for all the heavy we're hit with in that first paragraph. I think something even mroe simple like "I'm not ready." would be just as powerful and we wouldn't lose the idea that this thing is returning because you set the context up nicely outside the quotes.
I like the comparisons of the current peril to the past experiences of the narrator. Memory and perspective are the way we understand our current situation. Our decisions are always, to some extent, guided by our past experience, our memories. The sum of our experience. Overall, it's a very fast paced, heavy scene. Good job with conveying a lot of back story quickly and integrating it into the present action of the narrative.
Wow! The best of three stories I've read today. You have a very professional sound to your writing. It's very satisfying.
"actually rumored to have been built " i think would be better as "rumoured to have actually been built". The way it is sounds like actually refers to the rumour, like maybe the writer is correcting what the rumouy actually was, when I think you're talking about the contruction process. Isn't it rewarding to have such a nitpicky thing be the majour gripe?
"There always seemed to be a horse drawn wagon waiting for them when they came" makes it sound like there was sort of a horse there. I know what you're going for, but the word "seemed" is a slippery slope in narrative.
maybe i missed it, how is his cousin "so-called" are the cousins by..... marriage? land-lockage? aHH i get it, alien-gene-manipulation-age.
So he's shedding his skin like a snake and what pops out is going to be what he looks like as a mature.... alien thingy?
good story. the alien stuff wasn't so much the point to me as lines like the pirhana and trout... hurm.... parable.
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