There is certainly potential here. I like the what and the where of this story, a broken hearted boy clutching a dear memory and reflecting on the past it had represented. But the organization needs some work. You have way more sentences than is needed.
I have a four-leaf clover. It is Lucky. It brings Hope. Instead try something like, A four-leaf clover, the very manifestation of luck that carried within it the promise of hope. The challenge of putting many entences together often creates a more alluring description as you are forced to consider how all these parts make a whole. I hope this helps.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/harryofgo
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 7:05pm on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.