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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hayley-marie
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8 Public Reviews Given
40 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by hayley-marie
Rated: E | (3.5)
Haha - I loved this, as I've thought the same thing hundreds of times.

I really like it when people write fun, light-hearted poems to express frustration etc.

So good to come actross someone who doesn't take themself too seriously :)
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Review of Suppertime  
Review by hayley-marie
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I read this a couple of times over, and I was very impressed by the way it's written. I particularly like how you include little details like the rubber soled shoes, and the periodic table on the wall.

The plot kinda gets to me, though. Like I said, I read it through a few times, because I thought I must have been missing something. Exactly why are they eating this "last supper"? What are their motivations behind this, and why hadn't the boy been able to say anything to anyone, as he obviously knew it was coming.

I was really loving it up until the last scene, when you suddenly dropped in this huge event, without giving any reasons or backstory.
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Review of I Got Stoned  
Review by hayley-marie
Rated: 18+ | (1.5)
When I first read this, I thought it was a pretty cool, though I didn't really understand why there was a guy giving out money, and wanted to know more about that.

Unfortunately, when I read the song lyrics you based this piece on, I realised that the original version told the exact same story in a more succint way that's actually a lot more effective than how you've done it. I had expected this to be an extension of the song, or a scenario you invented involving the characters or one of the scenes from it or something, not just a description of what happens in someone else's writing.

The writing in it's solid - I enjoyed reading it - but knowing that the idea is completely taken from someone else spoils it for me, I'm afraid.
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Review of Roommates  
Review by hayley-marie
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
It's a cute concept, but I kinda figured that Chester was a cat by a couple of paragraphs in. Also, after it is explicitly revealed that he is a cat, the story isn't wrapped up quite quick enough. It needs to be more subtle, and if it's the focal point of the story, can't be caught up in loads of irrelevant info (such as most of the phone convo).
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