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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/heartrigger
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Review by Heartrigger Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
A mug of beer?
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Review by Heartrigger Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (2.0)
Your grammar throughout the piece left a lot to be desired, perhaps reading it out loud to yourself will help you catch many of the mistakes. As for the story, you're expecting the reader to simply go through a lot of exposition, hearing names and such that don't really mean anything just from seeing characters use them. I know it's a short story but I don't think that's meant to mean that you have everything be so convenient for the characters that they're able to save the world before dinner time.

You seem to have a story that you want to tell, but if you want others to be interested in it as well, then you're going to need to give them reason to care.
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