historygeek402's (historygeek402) Reviews

historygeek402

Review Requests: OFF

10 Public Reviews Given

10 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4419500

Review of A Woman Scorned

Review by historygeek402

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Not bad :)
You have a lot to work with here.

What I liked: The reincarnation in the form of a cat is a great storyline.

I have a couple suggestions.

1. I don't think the Thirty years ago part is necessary. There wasn't anything written here that I didn't already gather by the story, except that their son didn't know his father was the one who killed his mother. If you want to elaborate the how and why he killed her, then weave that into the story from either her or his point of view.

2. You tell more than show. Example, "...being crushed; the pain was excruciating." That's telling me. Show me excruciating. Try something like, "All his breath left him at once as she wrung his heart out like an old sponge."

I hope this was helpful.
Write on!
~A.F.L.

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4392248

Review of The Combat Medic

Review by historygeek402

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This one brought tears to my eyes.
My husband is a Corpsman. Thank goodness he doesn't suffer as others do.
So many of our troops returning from combat, whether medics or soldiers, suffer in silence with the images that will never leave their minds.
Thank you, thank you for writing this beautiful piece. Five stars and favorited.
God bless.

3

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4392245

Review of Restless Whispers

Review by historygeek402

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I like your use of sound effects here. I could really envision walking through a quiet old cemetery. Very nice!

4

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4391693

Review of The beginning

Review by historygeek402

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

I found this to be a really cute story of young love blossoming. You nailed it with the fear and uncertainty of it all, combined with the desire to overcome that fear and just go for it. I especially like the end, where it says "Let's go." I envisioned young lovers overcoming their fear of falling in love with each other and then linking hands and running off into the sunset.
Nicely done!

5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4391691

Review of The letter

Review by historygeek402

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I could really feel your emotion in here, especially at the part where you describe the struggle of constantly thinking of ropes, blades, and other ways to end it.
I like how you end it with "Sincerely, The Truth." I see that as the admitting of a problem with depression/suicidal thoughts. The narrator of this poem is the truth, addressing the monster in their mind.
Nicely done.

6

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4391688

Review of Jesus

Review by historygeek402

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Very nice!
I could see this being made into a song for a service worship time or Vacation Bible School.
The only thing I spotted is that "saved" should be "save."