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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hollymerry
Review Requests: ON
1,543 Public Reviews Given
1,597 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest and encouraging
I'm good at...
Proofreading for grammar, letting you know which areas of your writing work and which might be improved
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, historical, adventure, sci-fi
Least Favorite Genres
Murder, horror, erotica
Favorite Item Types
I’m happy to review all types of item
I will not review...
Anything with graphic violence, sexual content or profanity
Public Reviews
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What a wonderful story capturing Spike’s character from a puppy to brave and mischievous adult, full of character that brings many good memories. My mum has a dog called Pebbles and I haven’t heard the name for a dog before until I read about Spike’s friend.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
The opening line ‘Father Green frowned’ not only introduced the main character but suggest that he is unhappy about something which is the main point of the plot. The dilemma he faced as the school chose to play down religion was well conveyed and sadly one that is faced in real life. The story left me wondering what would happen next and would make a good opening to a story where Father Green makes efforts to get the pupils on his side to campaign for religion to still play a role in the school.
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Review of Fishing With Dad  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed this family memory described in such vivid detail that it felt as if the reader was immersed in the scene. The fact that the piece mixed happy family memories with emotions of annoyance and discord at young Jimmy mosning about the exciting fishing trip added realism and humour that made this piece all the stronger. The mixture of idyllic river scenery and the excitement of waiting for a catch was likewise tempered with worry about the fishing spot being taken by someone else and descriptions of slipping and rubbish that made the everyday scene come to life on the page.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This eerie piece of writing did a great job at turning around expectations about the character of a hotel as instead of welcoming guests the Bluebird and everything in it shirk this responsibility and are mildly repelling for guests. The name Bluebird was well chosen with its connotations of freedom. I like how there are suggestions that something more sinister or ghostly may be at play but that you did not develop these so that mystery was maintained.
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Review of A Divine Life  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem meaningfully expresses a strong personality. I got a clear sense of how Julia Child struggled and succeeded despite difficulties in her life and was inspirational. The poem inspired me to read more about her and she was so much more than a TV cook. What a fascinating life she had as a secret intelligence officer in WW2 with her first foray into cooking being to create a shark repellent for U-boat use!
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed the inventive format of this poem with the second stanza having a completely different character to the first which made it feel as if it had two speakers — the first young at heart and exuberant and the second more mature and pessimistic as they see the snowfall. The puente poetic form was unusual and it must have been a fun challenge to write to its guidelines. I also appreciated how you included traditional Christmas phrases like Winter Wonderland to set the scene.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi tragic that Muriel’s family seem to have been killed by the orcs! Her grief and hardships are well portrayed here and I liked how she sees the world around her through the lens of her own concerns. For example, events which in the movies were emotional, like the loss of Aragorn and warg fight, are here treated as secondary. I was pleased the woman snd baby were reunited.
When Aragorn, Gimili and Legolas are introduced maybe you might have someone tell her about them in dialogue, perhaps the guard who found her or the woman with the baby? Direct speech here would make it more immediate and interesting.
I also wondered about having Miriel spend time searching the crowd for her family and asking for news.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a fantastic story and I loved how immersed I felt in the world of Rohan as I read it. The homely scene was well described and the relationship of mother and daughter was strong and realistic. I warmed to both characters and I hope one day Miriel will find true love. The introduction of the ring made me concerned knowing of the magical rings of Sauron!
My favourite part was where Miriel wondered how a plain peasant girl in an insignificant village hidden away in the farthest corner of Rohan might find love and the details of her mother having lived in the Golden Hall. Perhaps instead of the everyday opening line some more interest might be created by having her wondering if she will find love and having have Muriel thinking it might be easier to find someone to connect with in Edoras first. Perhaps she is thinking how to ask her mother this and waiting for the right moment as she told to lay the table?
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an incredibly moving and heart-felt poem about the loss of a loved one. The rhyming couplets and stanzas give the poem a traditional feel and I like how the musicality they create gives a sense of flow that mirrors the relentless passage of time which is touch upon in this poem. Well done!
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Review of The Painting  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This story about a haunted painting was truly terrifying and I enjoyed how you built a sense of tension and pace. The mindset of the character was realistically conveyed and you created a clear sense of psychological ream emanating rom the painting. The twist at the end where it returns despite being burned worked perfectly.
The first couple of times you use the word 'mother' you are using it in place of her name and therefore it should be capitalised.
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Review of Unseparated  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This short story was both beautiful, tense and full of a clear sense of the bond some special animals can form with humans. The focus on the human and cat relationship worked well and the setting of the jasmine tree and its ancient powers was evocative. The idea of John coming back from beyond the grave to protect Rosy worked wonderfully.
In the final paragraph you can delete the word 'the' which is added by mistake here: 'the Rosy knew'.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked how this chapter opened with a sense of tension and the inciting incident of Thom's death came so soon. I felt like the story was clearly situated into a world which was already developed with characters and a scenarios in mid-action and this was satisfying. You gave readers enough expository information to understand the story amongst the action and dialogue so that the world-building felt natural. The story contains many details that fans of sci-fi will be interested in and promises to be an interesting read.

Some suggestions:
I'd like to know some more details about K'Tran and Thom's appearance. For example, do they look like normal humans and what features do they have that are distinctive to them so that I can picture how they look. Do they have special suits or armed clothing and what do these look like?
The opening sentence was great, I just wondered if it might be more impactful if the smell of starship fuel came last in the listing to make readers more surprised: 'The air in the tunnel was a suffocating mix of damp earth, rot and starship fuel.'
There should be a full stop after said here: 'he said, his whisper seemed as loud as a shout in the cramped confines.'
There is a missing full stop at the end of this sentence: 'spur the Galactic Confederation into taking action'
I'd like to have a little more about K'Tran's thoughts regarding the pursuit of Thring -- do they change as Thom dies? Does he perhaps want revenge and the hunt for Thring turns into a personal vendetta, but then checks himself as he realises that he will have to be canny to keep himself safe as Thring is a powerful and dangerous force unto himself? Something like this would fit with the idea that Jesse will want revenge when he is an adult and needs K'Tran's more sensible help as it seems he might pursue vengeance in a hot-headed way.
I wondered what a warwick is given that it has paws and seems to be a friend to Thom's child. Please add a description of it, plus a little about its habitat and characteristics here.


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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a fabulous story which does a great job of showing, not telling. The world-building details are rich and I loved the fact that Mina connects with the lake and surrounding nature in song as this made a beautiful opening. The details of the Wonderland Circus and quest are exciting and I hope there will be more to this story.
Having Ryan volunteer in the animal sanctuary is a great idea and it's good to have characters like Ryan and Mina doing such worthwhile things to help animals and nature. The sense of connection to nature and their motivation to enjoy time in the natural world are great to inspire younger readers to enjoy the outdoors.

Here are a few suggestions for improvements which I hope will help this story on the way to publication:
I think that a semi-colon would work better here instead of a comma as you go on to give extra information: '...long lost royal powers, the ability...'
I wondered what Mina's avatar looks like in the first sentence and a little detail on this might help readers picture it and add in some world-building.
The part about the mysterious sounds that Mina hears and the birds would work better if you joined the sentences on these subjects into paragraphs as too many short paragraphs can be repetitive for readers and longer ones sometimes work best for related descriptions.
Change the part where Mina's eyes lit up as it is told in first person and she cannot see her eyes unless she glances at her reflection in the lake water. Also where a red tint dusted her cheeks she cannot see this so could either see her face as a reflection or just feel herself blushing.


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Review of My Furry Doormat  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
What a fabulous read full of comic moments -- I loved every minute of it!
I enjoyed the structure of the paragraphs with the second and third ones having a mirrored structure as they focus on the changes Apollo made to the garden and house and end with the rewards of food that he claimed for himself. It was interesting to read that he enjoyed snacking on fruit as my dog did too and used to tell me whenever cherries, strawberries or apples were ripe in the garden.
Apollo is such a cool name for a dog and I would like his name to appear earlier in the story, plus some explanation of why this name was chosen. Apollo is always depicted as athletic, so the name might be ironic given that the dog is a doormat, or link to his artistic sense of aesthetics in rearranging the house and garden!
I think that the sentences about the carpet and remote control should be separated as they cover different antics and the sentence is quite long.
The part about Apollo heading the vet's fan club made me smile! I'd love to know why he enjoyed visiting the vet so much -- was it just that he was super friendly to everyone or did the vet get in his good books by giving him treats?
I don't think you need to mention that Dug is in the movie "Up" twice as readers will remember this from the first mention, so just his name should work okay the second time.


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Review of Abby Lane  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
To be honest, I found this story confusing to read with very little progress. It was difficult to understand what was going on and I appreciate that the lack of paragraphing and spelling errors are meant to be an accurate replication of a teenage delinquent's diary but they made it incredibly hard to read. The fact that incidents were exaggerated and repeated made the storyline rather dull and I did not notice a change even after the boy had a brain injury and lost his father, which would supposedly have had a bigger impact on his character.
For the introduction, I would recommend using standard English and maybe adding in a few more legible entries written by the boy looking back on his diary as postscripts so that the storyline is easier to understand. A character list would also help as the number of different characters names created confusion.
Sorry for the negative review, it is just not a story that personally held my interest. Maybe look for a reviewer with similar interests next time?
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the idea of personifying the clouds as a beautiful lady met for a short space of time before she vanishes. Sometimes the clouds seem to assume shapes in a magical and fanciful way and your poem captures this perfectly. The simplicity of the repetition and single rhyme scheme work well here at capturing the special moment.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed this poem in which poetry, night time and art are interwoven in a musical rhythm which mirrors the concept of a dance. At points all the lines in the stanzas rhyme, especially towards the middle and end, which added a sense of climax to the poem as the beauty of darkness and the poetic art entwined in the lovely desccriptions.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the internal rhyme of 'Much beauty to see, under the sea' which is repeated to give the poem a song-like refrain. The way that the poem is laid out with the animations, pictures and appropriately coloured text is fun and impressive. The poem details the beauty of the sea in vivid imagery that expresses the magic of the natural coastal environment and this made this poem a joy to read.
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Review of Universal Love  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a wonderfully musical and heartfelt poem of love. I enjoyed its timeless nature and the way it expresses feeling is such a personal and special way as well. The references to the weather and changing seasons, plus the rhyming couplets, remind me of traditional love poetry in a beautiful way
There should be apostrophes for: 'spring's' and 'season's'
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed how this poem reflects the funadmental nature of fungi -- feeding on waste and things that are no longer needed and recycling them into something useful. Parallels were drawn with the human psyche and this poem therefore added a deeper meaning to appreciation of autumn fungi.
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Review of The Wood Spider  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
This piece is full of humour and I love the alteration in the reaction of the characters who declare they are brave but are clearly not! I could easily picture the scene and Aunt Lidia’s panicked dance was especially funny.
You mention that there are three adults present but only Aunt Lidia and Grandpa are named. Perhaps add in a third name or if the narrating character is the third person then add in a sentence written in the first person to make this clear.
If possible within the word limit, a description of the appearance of the spider and how it moves would be good to add to its menace to the characters.
As the room was evacuated at the end, I wondered if a window might have been left open in the hope that the spider would leave or if this might mean more spiders come in!


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Review of My Wish  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed the peaceful mystique of this poem and the way that it fits the idea of a heavenly journey. I se that the phloem is based on songs lyrics and this comes across well by conveying a musical quality. The juxtaposition of ‘t o know the unknown’ was intriguing.
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for entry "Saving The Dragon" Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
The name Atarath is perfect for a dragon and the pictures of Willow and Atarath are goregeous and help me picture the story. The part where you described Willow and Atarath meeting when she was a girl and he saved her was exciting and would be nice as another story. I clearly saw how caring Willow is as she bravely rescued Atarath from the knights who sought to trap him when he wasn't feeling well.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed this fast-paced and exciting adventure story. The dystopian world of a future destroyed by war made for an interesting setting and I liked how well grounded Chris was in the natural world as an adventurer from a young age as this equipped him to be an interesting protagonist. The wolves with heads of men were a great and original adversary and I liked the ending where the Goldar bird equips Chris and Kat with persuasive abilities and gives them the chance to go back to the past to correct the mistakes made in the war.

Here are a few suggestions, most are grammar related as the story would benefit from editing though.
How did Chris and Kat survive the apocalypse? This would be an interesting detail to add in.
Here there is no apostrophe needed in 'nation's' and later I see you used the capital 'the Nations' when a small letter is needed.
'The Kat, Chris expedition gather' this should be gathered.
The apostrophe after shelves isn't needed here: 'shelves’ full of books.'
'wolf-like creatures with faces like a man' this should be like men.
'faces like humans? looks more like' there should be a capital L for looks here.
'Spears and knife-like steaks' should be 'spears and knife-like stakes'
'Seemed Like the best place' no capital for like here.
'The boulders’ tare apart the raft' should be 'The boulders tore apart the raft.'


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Review of I Used To Believe  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This piece written from the perspective of a cat worked well. The beauty queen persona was captured beautifully and I enjoyed seeing the changes wrought by Covid-19 from the perspective of a cat. The structure of the story worked well, with idioms at the start expressing the cat's complacent enjoyment of the world. The fact the perspective is of that of a cat has to be guessed at by readers as the piece progresses. Humans aren't the only one to find the changed Covid brings uncomfortable as the cat does too, and the ending 'You are here all the time, aren't you' set an ominous tone as I wondered if the owner was very sick, hospitalised or even dead. The final words 'I used to believe I was safe at home' are highly appropriate and chilling.
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