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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hollymerry
Review Requests: ON
1,579 Public Reviews Given
1,633 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest and encouraging
I'm good at...
Proofreading for grammar, letting you know which areas of your writing work and which might be improved
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, historical, adventure, sci-fi
Least Favorite Genres
Murder, horror, erotica
Favorite Item Types
I’m happy to review all types of item
I will not review...
Anything with graphic violence, sexual content or profanity
Public Reviews
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
I enjoyed this romantic Arthurian story and the twist that you gave to the legend as here Morgana appears as the love interest to Arthur and not to Guinevere. Morgana seems a much more glamrous and likable character as she cares for those with magic and wants Arthur and his father to change their pompus ways. The dance and ride were romantic and the incident where Arthur needs to save Morgana's life after she is bitten by a snake worked well at getting them to admit their feelings. The appearance of the unicorn at the end of the story was interesting and it made me wonder what role it will play in the future of Camelot...
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Review of WRITER'S BLOCK  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
You shared your experiences of writer's block in a heartfelt way and I was pleased to hear that at the end of it you started writing again. The detail about the cat being happy with the familiar sound of tapping key was nice! Sometimes re-reading things you have written or focusing on a bit of the story where you can use a picture for inspiration can be helpful with writer's block.
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Review of MUSIC AND ME  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a lovely and very moving piece about the power of music in lives. I liked how the music brought the family together and I think this is such a wonderful way to spend time together that it is almost a shame TV was invented to take people away from musical pursuits to bond the family. I loved reading how you took the music a stage further and overcame your initial reluctance to sing the part of Germaine in such a moving way. It was lovely to hear how welcoming the music teacher and her family were to you and how your were treated like a VIP during the performance. Although you did not become a profesional musician, life had other blessings for you and you ended up keeping your love for music alongside having a family, which made a nice conclusion to the piece.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed this story outline and the opeing caught my interest with the stormy weather reflecting the character of the girl and the rooftop suggesting she is maybe going to face danger or being on the brink of something. I was also interested to read in the description that the girl has superpowers. The contrast between her character and that of the popular new boy in school will work well at creating and intriguing plot.
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Review of Resolve of kings  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed this story-like poem told in rhyming couplets. The sense of devastation was strong and the message about finding hope in bad times worked well as the king who had lost nearly everything due to the war helped a homeless child and grew the resolve to make a fresh start. The fact that the end of the story was left for time to tell worked well.
There is a point where you used a small letter for I when it needs to be capitalised and the lines might work better as a poem if they were slightly shorter, but generally this was a moving and interesting piece.
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Review of The Dugs O' Largs  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
The picture of Nickel and the statue commemorating the battle with the Vikings is wonderful and adds a personal touch to the poem that makes it yet more interesting to read.
The notes also work well as they not only are a feature found with versions of Robert Burns’s poems but enable readers from a broad areas to appreciate the Scottish dialect words. The notes not only capture the distinctive voice and pronunciation to give an evocative local air, but include historical notes which are full of interest to create a picture of the culture of the area. I enjoyed many of the words which are humorous and I imagine reflect the Celtic and Viking heritage of the area.
The opening lines remind me of a bard giving a warning before their tale and promise an interesting tale full of legendary happenings. I found the language easy to understand despite being in dialect and enjoyed how it brought the Scottish speaker to life as I read the poem.
I enjoyed the way you presented the events in the bar and the approach of the Viking raiders consecutively, using juxtaposition to contrast the jolly and feisty inhabitants at the bar with the Vikings who seek revenge as they sail hungrily over the moonlit sea.
The description of Hamish and Dougal was vivid and enjoyable as I could easily picture the pauper who acts like a fool in his cups, plus his loyal dog. As a dog owner myself, I feel that having Dougal in the poem added interest and made Hamish a likeable character despite his faults! I loved how it is Dougal who is the true hero of this piece as he bravely faces the Viking ghosts, recalling how the dogs of Largs chased the Vikings away historically and the Vikings moved further along the coast. This is a great story and very unexpected and deserves to be more widely known, hence why your writing a poem about it is such a good idea and the poem deserves to be widely read. You should defiantly try sending this to publishers, I’m sure that local newspapers and magazines would be interested.
There are some wonderful, evocative descriptions in the poem, such as ‘The landlord’s glare, as ripe as dung’ and ‘Ancestral sages cast their runes, An Berserkers woke frae water’d tome’s.’

Suggestions:
I don’t think canine needs to be capitalised.
I also wondered if you could include the year that Hamish and Dougal face the Vikings? It seems like it might be 18th or 19th century, maybe you might add a paragraph to relate this lifetime to the time of Robert Burns. I’d recommend this after you reveal that the Vikings are not ghosts but real though!


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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a well thought through and inspiring piece and I agree that altering James Joyce’s original text into a message of perseverance and personal growth makes for a more inspiring story. In life troubles often ultimately bring about a strengthening of character, especially in younger people who learn from life lessons. Although painful at the time, these experiences of dissolutionmemt can be reflected upon as positive. The explanation of the piece feels almost religious in the moment of epiphany described on the boy’s life journey.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This was a complicated and challenging wordsearch and I enjoyed how having the words spelled backwards, and diagnoally backwards, added to the challenge. There were so many relevant Alice in Wonderland themed words and you did an excellent job of disguising them in the wordsearch. The variety made me picture a well laid table with something for everyone and I like hoe Jane Austen and Downton Abbey also made an appearance.
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Review of 12-13 Charm  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Miss Norton is truly terrifying and enjoyed the way that throughout the plot there were increased hints of her sinister, sorcerous nature which made the climax fitting. I especially found the fact that she has taximdermy and porcelain dolls in her office sinister. Her obsession with class made it realistic that she would single out nouveau riche Olivia and Alice for punishment and again this was plotted as a significant element in the story.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This was an enjoyable and realistic family piece and I felt that you had done a great job at conveying the characters through their interactions with each other. The final message about finding magic in the everyday was nice too. I felt as if the imagination of childhood, as well as jokes and modern details like the phone made the story and interesting read and you incorporated the prompt words naturally to shape the story plot.
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Review of Spellbound Heart  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This poem is beautiful with a tragic music that makes it feel like a traditional myth from a fantasy land. The enduring theme of unrequited love is added to in an interesting way as the wizard tries to force the girl to love him with a potion but in doing so she loses her character and the vitality he fell in love with. I liked how he decided to break the spell even though it cost him much and she again had her freedom, even if the outcome was tragic for him.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed reading this fascinating piece which would work well as an article or blog post. I had not considered that there might be modern Grail Knights but as I read the application of the term became obvious and the memorable and intriguing idea kept me reading with interest. The piece is motivating and inspiring and I liked how you explained that there can be many types of Grail Knights each aspiring to their individual goal. It is good that you emphasises aspirations that will ultimately leave the world a better place and mentioned how pursuit of such 'Grails' might involve hardship at times. Keeping the goal and higher purpose in mind, as we are reminded by this piece of writing, will ultimately help the 'Knight' on their quest.
I noticed that you mentioned different types of people who might be considered to be Grail Knights in two separate places (search for scientists as an example used in both places). I think that it might be better to find a way to incorporate these examples so that they only occur in one place? You might even consider expanding upon them to create a new category altogether. Perhaps you might add more ordinary examples too e.g. teachers, community and environmental volunteers, positive social media influencers...


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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an incredibly emotive piece and I admired the choice of a young drummer boy as a protagonist as his young life was a poignant contrast to the destruction of war. I also admired the wide and interesting choices of figurative language and vocabulary. The descriptions of nature contrasted with man and God's presence had an impact that reminded me of Romantic literature.
There is a point where you write that 'the soldiers’ spirits faltered, wavering in the shadow of defeat' and later contrast this with the sense of purpose and righteousness that hearing the drum inspires in them: 'In the chaos of battle, they stood once more.' For me, this was incredibly moving and I would advise you to capitalise on this effect even more by including a sentence to two more about the soldiers when they feel defeated. How does this affect their movements? Could you mention how friends and brothers are shot down and the cries of the injured make the soldiers terrified despite Major Johnson's stirring speech?
Towards the end you repeat 'gratitude' across two successive paragraphs and I would recommend finding a synonym for one of these key words so it does not read as repetitive.
I enjoyed how you infused a religious feel into the piece as the men felt they were inspired by God to fight a sacred crusade and had victory. I also felt for the other side who would also be suffering. Might there be a point towards the end where some of the enemy soldiers are inspired to retreat or raise a white flag and come to a truce that ends the fighting peacefully without as many lives being lost as there might have been? The battle described felt as if it was meant to be universal rather than, for example, a specific battle in the American Revolution, so this might be plausible?


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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
The opening line was excellent as it both immersed the reader in the world of the story as if it had always existed and created intrigue with the fantasy names of the Isle of Darkwood and the mention of the enchanted pool and Wild Hunt. Although the line was long I felt the pace was right and it didn't introduce too much information at once.
I have a keen interest in Celtic faerie mythology and as such I loved the references to the Unseely Court, Formorians and Denaans, both of which I recognise from my research into my own fantasy series based upon Celtic folklore. I enjoyed the descriptions of Ylva's otherworldly senses and how they made her sound so in tune with the natural world. It was good that they were so interestingly detailed in the minds of the readers as this foreshadowed the dramatic moment towards the end of the chapter where she fights the monster and then flees. The descriptions of both the monster and the landscape that surrounds Ylva were vivid and full of interest and promise that kept readers wanting to discover more of this exciting fantasy world.

Here are a few minor errors that I picked up as I read:
'families property' should be 'family's property'
'she slide behind' should be 'she slid behind'
I wondered if you meant to put a full stop instead of a comma here since 'All' is capitalised: 'gave one final explosive burst, All the attention was again on the Hyllar ladies.'
I think it is 'ears' here and not 'hears': 'Where her vision may have been limited, her nose and hears picked up everything.'


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Review of The Spark Within  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem feels like a traditional battle song with the short lines and rhyme scheme. I got a clear sense of a great number of foes awaiting the speaker of the poem in a difficult battle and this worked well at creating interest and making me concerned for the brave character as they prepare to face their enemies.
There is no punctuation mark at the end of the poem and I think that perhaps should ellipses might work nicely here to suggest an open ending to the poem where we do not know if the speaker survives or not as he or she heads into battle.
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Review of Jack's Beanstalk  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed the fun, musical beat to this rhyming poem which fitted with a retelling of the Jack and the Beanstalk tale. Jack is less ambitious here and more practical and caring, so it was nice to see how he might have avoided trouble with the giants. I felt immersed in the tale with the various characters, dialogue and Jack's thoughts. If anything I would have enjoyed more description of the Land of Nether but I understand there might have been a line limit for the poem.
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Review of For Ludmilla  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed this loving poem filled with good wishes for a special birthday. The rhyming couplets and short lines give the poem a musical flow that sounds effortless when read out, however I imagine that the poem took some time to construct. I could not find anything to alter about this poem and I hope that Ludmilla was delighted with it.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What a wonderful story capturing Spike’s character from a puppy to brave and mischievous adult, full of character that brings many good memories. My mum has a dog called Pebbles and I haven’t heard the name for a dog before until I read about Spike’s friend.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
The opening line ‘Father Green frowned’ not only introduced the main character but suggest that he is unhappy about something which is the main point of the plot. The dilemma he faced as the school chose to play down religion was well conveyed and sadly one that is faced in real life. The story left me wondering what would happen next and would make a good opening to a story where Father Green makes efforts to get the pupils on his side to campaign for religion to still play a role in the school.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This eerie piece of writing did a great job at turning around expectations about the character of a hotel as instead of welcoming guests the Bluebird and everything in it shirk this responsibility and are mildly repelling for guests. The name Bluebird was well chosen with its connotations of freedom. I like how there are suggestions that something more sinister or ghostly may be at play but that you did not develop these so that mystery was maintained.
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Review of A Divine Life  Open in new Window.
Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem meaningfully expresses a strong personality. I got a clear sense of how Julia Child struggled and succeeded despite difficulties in her life and was inspirational. The poem inspired me to read more about her and she was so much more than a TV cook. What a fascinating life she had as a secret intelligence officer in WW2 with her first foray into cooking being to create a shark repellent for U-boat use!
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed the inventive format of this poem with the second stanza having a completely different character to the first which made it feel as if it had two speakers — the first young at heart and exuberant and the second more mature and pessimistic as they see the snowfall. The puente poetic form was unusual and it must have been a fun challenge to write to its guidelines. I also appreciated how you included traditional Christmas phrases like Winter Wonderland to set the scene.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi tragic that Muriel’s family seem to have been killed by the orcs! Her grief and hardships are well portrayed here and I liked how she sees the world around her through the lens of her own concerns. For example, events which in the movies were emotional, like the loss of Aragorn and warg fight, are here treated as secondary. I was pleased the woman snd baby were reunited.
When Aragorn, Gimili and Legolas are introduced maybe you might have someone tell her about them in dialogue, perhaps the guard who found her or the woman with the baby? Direct speech here would make it more immediate and interesting.
I also wondered about having Miriel spend time searching the crowd for her family and asking for news.
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a fantastic story and I loved how immersed I felt in the world of Rohan as I read it. The homely scene was well described and the relationship of mother and daughter was strong and realistic. I warmed to both characters and I hope one day Miriel will find true love. The introduction of the ring made me concerned knowing of the magical rings of Sauron!
My favourite part was where Miriel wondered how a plain peasant girl in an insignificant village hidden away in the farthest corner of Rohan might find love and the details of her mother having lived in the Golden Hall. Perhaps instead of the everyday opening line some more interest might be created by having her wondering if she will find love and having have Muriel thinking it might be easier to find someone to connect with in Edoras first. Perhaps she is thinking how to ask her mother this and waiting for the right moment as she told to lay the table?
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Review by HollyMerry Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an incredibly moving and heart-felt poem about the loss of a loved one. The rhyming couplets and stanzas give the poem a traditional feel and I like how the musicality they create gives a sense of flow that mirrors the relentless passage of time which is touch upon in this poem. Well done!
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