I loved this from beginning to end,Dolores was immediately someone you liked and felt for. I picked up on what was going on almost immediately, and wanted to help her. The details added warmth and a relatable feel to it, demonstrating who she once was vs who she was now. And there was an undercurrent of loneliness, clearly, no one was there to see that her faded things were replaced or that she was surrounded by the comfort of familiar things. That is always sad.
I could feel the heart that went into this and I enjoyed most of the imagery. It's a good beginning to what will make a great poem, but the first one needs some reworking. It almost lost me. You should think about expanding on some of the details, making sure to check for flow and clarity. The theme and idea being explored is an excellent one, so tell us more about the place and the people. If that particular word-count isn't set in stone, try switching it up and focusing on content rather than form. I'd love to read it again when it's been reworked.
Too many people are experiencing that very thing, mourning the memories and loving the man (or woman). The somber, serious tone was fitting, but it could use more uplifting notes when remembering the good days. You might want to add a sprinkling of small details to so that the readers could get to know him a little better. Make the best decision you can, given the circumstances, none of them will feel right and they will all be dripping with guilt and anger. It's part of the process. I'm sorry you're going through it.
The story would be told more effectively with less descriptive words, such as dropping the word "grey" in the first line. I like the fact the fish is the hero of the tale,and the fisherman is the tragic figure. The concept has promise, but there were too many adjectives that they detracted from the tale.
I find this piece very touching and very raw, without any sugar coating at all. The impression I get reading get is that the author is in their late teens or early 20's, and just beginning to live their lives by their own terms and struggling to do so in the shadow of childhood trauma and neglect.
I would add some elements to it to make it feel less abrupt;
Or rework a little for the same results.
I understand what the writer was going for, and usually I enjoy free-form verses, but I had trouble getting through this one. There was a lot of important ideas and visuals to unpack, and I think that this would be better broken up into several smaller free verse poems. I'd also review it line by line to check to see how it flows and that the points are being made clearly as well as creatively. I think it's a great start to what could become a beautiful collection of verses.
I liked it. It set a nice tone right away,and ended on just the right note. I would put it solidly in the "possible concussion humor". It left the details up to the imagination. I can see this story being told at the local tavern over a pint of some local brew and a steak dinner, and then again to the grandchildren.
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