I like the moral of them poem and the Dr. Seuss rhyming vibes. It flows smoothly for the most part. I suggest rewriting the 3rd and 4th lines of the first stanza. They don’t flow as well as they could. Also there are grammatical errors here and there punctuation-wise. Thanks for the read. Cool poem!
I came across this piece from the Please Review forum, and I admit it took a while to get into it, but I love this story and definitely will be following it after having read the first chapter.
The characters are well-written. I love Nicholas, and I enjoyed seeing the sisters' relationship in this chapter. The aunt is the sort of character you like to dislike, haha. I like the vibes of this story.
The long sentences at the beginning and the resulting lack of clarity made it difficult to get engaged. I suggest making the sentences shorter or rewriting them for better comprehension. That being said, the use of words and dialogue adds to the story well. The character backstory is excellently written. No info dumps.
The pacing was good overall. It only dragged during the conversation between Juliet and the tenants, and the change in perspective was a little jarring when you write what was going on in the parlor and then in Juliet's room.
As for world-building, perhaps a description of the land and the house sprinkled here and there would assist with imagery. You also seem to have a lack of commas in compound sentences here and there. Otherwise, the grammar in the rest of the chapter is great.
Summary: it was cool to meet Mr. Green and see how Juliet's opinion of him contradicted what I saw. A little bit of suspected "enemies to lovers" It's great for a first chapter. It sets the time, place, and tone; I met all the characters and got a sense of what the book would be about. The suggestions I've made are to improve world-building, pace, and comprehension.
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It's great for a first chapter. It sets the time, place, and tone; I met all the characters and got a sense of what the book would be about. The suggestions I've made are to improve world-building, pace, and comprehension.
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