HI! I'm Vicky-one of the members of the Angel Army! What a wonderful story with a great lesson...especially at this time of year. Having young children I appreciate the value of a good story with a moral they can understand and enjoy.
I'm here raiding for the Angel Army...:) and all I can say is .Wow...Nada..that's awesome...I can see it all...feel it all...the fear, the despair..the hope...the bugs.....I have no suggestions for any changes.
WOW...I'm not sure what to say..but both the emotion and the determination resound throughout this! I wish you much strength and peace on this journey....and I will be praying for your family.
I think this is a very pertitent topic for our society...my daughter is 10..I want so badly to give her the tools and self discipline to remain pure...the world,society, television, her friends will all fight against that..having the bible verses to back up the arguements is very helpful.
My one thought would be to add..what those who have fallen into temptation (might not have been part of the sermon) can do to find forgiveness, walk the straight path..etc.
I enjoy so much stopping by your blog. Whether an entry on your sermon notes or just the daily happenings in your life and yoru fight against "fibro fog" You light the way for those who stop by.
Curls, I so enjoy reading your blog! Whether you are having a good day or a bad day-you are straightforward and honest and tell it like it is. From one person to another who struggles with life as we know it..thanks for who you are and your willingness to share your life with all of us.
This is a very interesting piece. I can't imagine growing up like this, though I know many kids do and even deal with worse. It is a blessing you had your mom to lean on.
I think this would make a good piece on dealing with illness...if you expand your thoughts and feelings of what the treatment was like, what not being to play outside, etc..made you feel and how you entertained yourself etc.
This is a sweet little piece but could use more expansion on it..for example-where is the bluebird singing joy from, how hard does the zephyr blow, do other birds join in? It is a great start though! Feel free to let me know if you add more to it and I'll be happy to change my rating!
This is a very sad piece but is well written. You portrayed the emotions well in written form.
I liked toward the ending where she went back into her home and is seeing it...there is more I would like to be able to see-more description of the people and the surroundings.
Finding that stillness in this crazy, hectic, fastpaced world is difficult. Finding it within myself and getting to stop and listen is sometimes even more difficult. Thanks for sharing this piece
It's not a bad piece, but I find it very confusing as to the meaning and the flow of the piece needs work. You might try reading it outloud or have a friend read it out loud to you so you can smooth it over. It's a good start and I see potential here.
I remember those days of dealing with those who felt they were better than me because of what they wore and who they dated. The disgust you feel comes through very clearly. Be true to yourself and may you never become a teen queen!
Thank you for writing such a clear and concise answer to a question that many of us have. Being fairly new and having been granted an upgraded membership I was unaware of what would happen and how decisions were made inregard to what is kept or what is discarded if an upgrade runs out.
thanks for sharing your time and energy
blessings
Vicky
I love it! This is awesome! ANd Now I have a foundation for being the strange and wacky person that I am. :) Thanks for sharing this. You did a wonderful job in representing the case for making Godly decisions based on His will in our lives.
oh wow...what a story! It's very sad but it's also one that kept me here, wanting to know what was going to happen and what is to come. I'm headed over to read the other chapter!
I can't imagine being in her shoes..but I also know that many children of that era dealt with things like that.
This is a very interesting story. The begining has almost too many details, I almost got bogged down in them. However the story line continued to draw me in and hold me to the end. The issue of the details may just be a personal issue on my part.
A couple of minor things:
8 paragraph's from the bottom- the last sentence, you have to to..need to drop one of them
Latching the gate securely he drove the herd, retracing the steps he had taken moments earlier, and rounding the cabin, now on his way to the ‘early-summer’ pasture. This portion of the paragraph leaves me a bit confused...yet I'm not sure what to suggest to fix it.
Good story, has great potential, would be a very interesting novella
This is a wonderful piece...I didn't notice any spelling errors...I have made some suggestions..feel free to take them or leave them..and some of it would be based on hearing the actual song...more of what you have might be just fine...
You said"Might feel helpless, hopeless, and too numb for tears"-I think many would sound better here in place of might
YOu said"Do you look around, could there be someone you know,
Who pulls down their sleeves so the bruises don’t show." I would drop the word you...make it a plea...rather than a question..
You said "They’re the vulnerable elderly, being abused" would flow better I think they are the elderly, vulnerable, being abused.
You said"It isn’t just physical, look and you will find
Insults and taunts are given, that abuse an old person’s mind," It isn't just physical, listen and you will hear, insults and taunts that hurt through the ears. not quite right either..but I think you get the idea..
"Can you be alert for you can stop all this abuse?" Can you be alert? Can you stop this abuse? for seems kind of lost here.
OH wow, what a very intense piece of work! I could hear and smell and see it all! You brought me in and hooked me totally.
While you don't come out and give an ending...you do make mention earlier on..and I find the ending sad...but a very true rendition of what happens at times in this world.
Great writing!
blessings
Vicky
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