Absolutely amazing sonnet!!
I love the way this poem flows in waves. It moves from the scene of tranquil love that fills the first quatrain into the second, which contains two waves itself. It moves from duty to beauty, which I see as a wonderful juxtaposition. The third quatrain echoes the form of the second, moving from tasks to the balance between work and play, and the love which lifts the mundane to the heights of human experience. The couplet pulls the whole poem into a harmony as beautiful as the ocean waves, as the couplet of a sonnet should. It also continues the peaceful ebb and flow that the poet establishes from the beginning of the sonnet.
This sonnet comes as close to my idea of perfect poetry as any contemporary work I've ever read!
To begin my review, I want to say that I never review *anything* I don't feel has IMHO, some merit. The key point there being IMHO. If I become critical at some point, please know that I am offering my honest *opinions* on ways to make something good into something even better.
I read this piece because anxiety is something I understand far more than I would like. I have lived in a fog of anxiety for many years.
The thing that first struck me about this piece is its straight-forward honesty. It is couched in language interesting enough to draw the reader in without a lot of fanciness and flourishes. It is obviously written from soul-deep emotions, but it appears to be the writer's intent to turn those chaotic emotions into orderly and tangible form. In this, it succeeds well. It also seems to be a way for the writer to externalize inner torments and to draw strength from the power of sharing. "A burden shared is half a burden". I for one am quite honoured to help the author bear this one.
The tone here is one of dark hopelessness, which is a state I am also too familiar with on a personal level. I would point out that hope, to one in such a state, is like the shore to one who is drowning. No matter how vast the waters or how dark, the shore and hope are always there. It is up to us to swim toward it, knowing that while we swim, we breathe; when we give up and stop, we sink. We're always much better off to swim than to allow ourselves to sink. In time, swimming through the hopeless sea becomes a form of hope in itself.
This piece seems to me to be a splash made by the author while swimming. I hope that the author continues to make more splashes until the shore is reached.
I won't say anything about the technical aspects of this work, except that I think this writer has much potential. I leave it to the writer to develop that potential or to ignore it: to swim onward toward the beachlights or to yield to darkness. I hope to read happiness written on the beach at some point.
That's my humble opinion.
I've read this more than once, but I don't think I ever reviewed it. Now's my chance!
I have nowt negative to comment.
On the positive side, I love the way all the noise and fear and pain and chaos are calmed by "the reflection of your eyes/ where I find my tranquility." It is such an elegant and pleasant resolution to a life-changing event. What might have been a life-destroying event was revealed to be a life renewing event.
Such a cute little poem for young children!!
Big happy puppies are a favourite of most youngsters, so finding a puppy at the end will delight the young. I can picture myself reading this poem to my grandkids.
There doesn't seem to be a perfectly consistent meter, but that works very nicely for this poem. The lilting flow is just right for young folk.
Outstanding writing!!
The subject is broad in scope and yet applicable to every individual from the beginning of the world to date and beyond. I agree completely with the idea that random events and circumstances are not what shapes a person, but that one is shaped largely by one's own will.
Technically, the poem is very impressive! The iambic tetrameter gives a pleasant cadence while preserving the factual tone. In a couple of lines, the poet seems to have worked to hold the meter, but did an excellent job of it. The second verse differs very obviously from the first and third. The single anapest in the first line of that verse was likely unavoidable. I'm puzzled about the switch from tetrameter to bimeter, unless the poet meant to vary the entire verse to minimize the effect of the single anapest.
Overall, the poem is meaningful and the writing nicely concise. An outstanding read!
The visualization here is great, as is the use of metaphor. I believe I understand the situation quite well, and I hope that the freedom you mentioned has been achieved or is rapidly forthcoming. Good read on multiple levels.
The first word in the third line sums this up for me. The whole poems leaves me fearfully expecting some unknown outcome, in spite of phrases like "hoping you'll discover me", "safe and warm", and "has found her home". There is an unsettling tentativeness here, as though a pleasance must soon end reluctantly but of necessity.
There seems to be a departure here from the author's other works. "Stowaway" displays the passion I see in the writer's other poems, but the boldness is more subdued. The intense heat now rests in brightly glowing coals rather than in a brilliant and all-consuming conflagration. The soul of the poet is here, as is the technical expertise, and it's empowering me to follow the author from the fireside to the dining table. Very meaningful poetry which reaches the reader on several emotional levels.
Only an addict can understand addiction. I understand too well, having been there myself.
This poem does a spectacular job of capturing the full nature and essence of addiction, but only an addict can release that essence.
Many addictions can lead to a person's destruction, but only addiction to another heart can build someone up to destruction.
I'm truly awed by your mastery of words and the clarity of your visions! Your mind's eye seems to be that of a master classic author. You somehow turn emotions and thoughts into tangible realities! Truly amazing!
I read this earlier and thought I had reviewed it, but I can't find it. So, I'll review it now.
I loved reading this! The imagery paints a vivid picture of pure emotion. That's impressive! This piece is compact but not terse. Not a word is wasted and none are there as mere clutter. Every word speaks volumes. Again, very impressive!
This poem is probably universal, but I see myself intimately embedded in it personally. That's great writing!
First, and to be perfectly honest, there is much I didn't like about the structure and technical aspects of this poem, but it all comes together in the meaning and the imagery. The poem strikes some very real chords, and in a pleasant way but with an under-current of regret and, more deeply, of resignation. I can't fully identify with the setting, but I can definitely participate in the universal emotion of the poem.
It was a slightly challenging read for me, but well worth reading to the end --- three times. Overall, it's a very good poem.
I seem to sense an urgency of fear in this poem. Your choice of free verse for this poem is probably the best one. It gave you the 'space' in which to allow the urgency and futility to be counter-balanced by strains of deep, clear reasoning.
It's a very meaningful poem and one fraught with emotion. I doubt that any other poetic form would have done it justice. There's a certain familiarity about it, yet it also has a sense of immediate freshness.
Overall, it's a very good read.
I must begin by saying that I'm pretty far off my genre here. Vampires and such are more to my wife's interest than mine, but I'm open-minded. As usual, my open-mindedness paid off here.
I got a great read! I love the irony of the innocent vampire done-in by the monster bimbo! Accidentally?
Great plot line, very well written!
In my younger years, vampires sucked blood and had to be back in their coffins before daybreak. Nowadays, I think they drive Corvettes around California and sparkle except when they're wearing glitter nail polish. Without belaboring the jargon and the legends of either, you have brought them into a very clever harmony. That's quite impressive!
Technically, the writing is superb!
Overall, I'm very pleased to have given this story a good read.
This is one of the best items I've read on WdC or elsewhere lately. Very impressive! It speaks volumes without *telling* anything, much like a wry smile can say everything on the mind without a word.
The setting is described in terms vague enough to make it surreal, but solid enough (mention of the guest check and fortune cookies) to make it as real as though I was with my wife at our favourite Chinese restaurant. You have created nicely rounded characters in a truly believable situation and told quite a fascinating tale that takes place entirely within a few moments. I find myself surmising that this is a first date and speculating about the characters' background. Co-workers? Classmates? I feel like I've been shown a small area with a flashlight and it's such a compelling scene that I can hardly wait to look around at the rest of the scene!
I'm super-impressed with this poem!! Amazed!! Other than lack of punctuation, it is IMHO nearly flawless!
Technically, it is wonderfully constructed! Iambic pentameter throughout. Alternating lines of 4/3 feet. Excellent rhyme pattern. Splendid word use! They're down-to-earth words/phrases that make this very much a poem for real people. Phrases like "You know the ones I mean", "If I don’t move my butt around", and "Oh man, that wasn’t part of this" give the poem a great conversational tone. It's almost like talking to a buddy at work or at a company picnic.
The topic of man boobs is a forthright and fearless statement about an unpleasant reality; that of getting older and thicker. The comparison between the importance of getting back in shape and the unthinkability of giving up beer gives the poem its comic quality. Most of us beer drinkers will identify perfectly with the situation. "Yep. I know what you're saying."
I intend to read and reread this poem many times, setting down my long-neck just long enough to scroll down to the next verse!
I enjoy poems of hopeful love, and this is definitely one of them! I can feel the happiness and the feelung of security in this poem. It's vividly written.
The rhyme flows well and does a good job of stating the thoughts and emotions. The theme is strong enough and the rhymes cohesive enough that I'm able to overlook the lack of meter. (Sorry for that negative remark. The poem is very good, but I'm just a stickler for meter. Lack of punctuation is another of my pet peeves, but this poem is well enough written that those aspects don't detract from the work.
Overall, it's a very good poem. I only review works I feel are good writing, and I reviewed this one. Nice work!
The humour was excellent! I loved that aspect of the poem. You'd make a great writer for The Local Gnus, a "newspaper" I write and circulate anonymously. It's all puns and word play but written as though they are serious news stories. But that's more than enough about that. I'm reviewing your poem.
I had to work just a little as I read your poem in order to get the iambic meter to come together, but my writing is oft the same way. So, no criticism there.
Your use of alternating lines of pentameter/trimeter was perfect for the poem! The A lines built up my expectations, then the B lines went "bing" and hit me with the "zowie" bits that really made the poem! (I've been watching Adventure of the Comicbook Crusader too much, lately.)
I'm super-impressed with your poem, to say the least! It is well-crafted, thoughtful, and humourous. If there is such a thing as the perfect poem, this is not far short of it.
Many of us share these same thoughts and ask these same questions. You have written with such forthright honesty and emotion that I was drawn inexorably through every word of every line. Though you obviously wrote from strong emotions, you tempered them with insight. My impression is that your emotions are a powerful horse which you reigned in just enough to draw the wagon of your thoughts through the course of expression. This is good work!
I'm very impressed! The meter of this poem seems to work hard, but it yields a remarkably smooth flow and connects the rhyme quite well.
The cryptic elements remind me of some of my own early work, but this poem is far and away much better crafted than mine!
The allusion to a "they" who are defined but not actually named in the poem, induced me to read hard to get the meaning. (Might be just me and the fact that it's after 1 a.m. here.) I enjoy being challenged. Your poem challenged me intellectually and was pleasant to read. It doesn't get much better than that!
This is among the best items I've read on WdC. I'm always interested in learning about other cultures. Traditional tales, legends, and history all serve as windows into the hearts and minds of other peoples. From one earth springs many cultures, each unique yet each identical in our most basic circumstances. "Ex uneus pluribum" or summat?
Many years ago, I knew a tiny bit about hindi language, but the years have blurred my memories. The word 'bhabi' seems very familiar, but I can't recall its meaning.
This is good writing, but my knowledge of hindi is far too limited for me to know how accurate it is as a translation. I would love to read more of these translations.
As you've found, a blank page can stop a writer as effectively as a concrete block wall. I can't think of anything useful to comment, other than "relax". Giving a well-written piece of work is a bit like giving blood. If you tense up, it's harder to insert the needle, it hurts more, and the flow won't start. It's not the needle, but the thought of the needle that keeps the blood from flowing. Writing's the same way. It isn't the big white space that prevents the flow of words. It's the thoughts about it. So, my most useful comment is simply this: Relax and remember that the written word is good and necessary to the human race. Someone out there somewhere needs and wants whatever you have to offer. No writer's style is right for everyone, just like no blood type is truly universal. Your style isn't right for everyone, but it IS right for someone. So, relax --- and have a mental tourniquette onhand to deal with the pulsing flow of thoughts and words that will soon come.
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