Mm... It is quite a nice story I would say. Apart from having a few usual methaphors/similies and simple language in some cases, its a very imaginative and mysterious, therefore intresting. I quess I would prefer bigger paragraph with more sensory detail here and there and a few alliterations to go with that to be taken much more into the story than I am. Overall it is a 3.5, good luck in your duture pieces~
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