In order to put your poem in context I went to your port and read 'Sara's Port chapter eight.' I love the way you have written it from the heart's point of view and the way the feelings are expressed. So romantic.
A beautiful poem, I enjoyed reading it.
Your poem has excellent rhyme and although there is no set syllabic count it flows quite well. It is a delightful poem and my thoughts were that it could have been made longer. The words you used were very descriptive and I wanted to read more.
And here's me complaining about a couple inches of snow! I'll stick with our English climate any day. I enjoyed reading this piece and had to remind myself that it was fiction; you made it seem so realistic. It was very descriptive and there is nothing that I would alter.
Congratulatios for the 12th
I loved this, I loved the humour in it. It was easy to visualise a 'girl's night out' and you kept the reader interested and at the same time managed to get a good number of book titles incorporated into it.
There is nothing I would change except this piece - couldn't be any (more) bizarre than
An enjoyable read.
I thought that your rhyme was good and I'm sure your friend must be special for you to write this poem for him/her.
The first two verses have a regular syllabic count 6-6-8-6 which make the poem flow well; in the last two verses the count alters to 6-5-4-5 and 7-6-6-7.
Although your poem is above average I feel that a balanced count would make it even better.
If you do alter it let me know and I will re-rate it. Well done.
I am reviewing this story from a reader's point of view. I think that you have made a good start but there is room for expansion. Perhaps a little more background information on your charachters. Your idea to turn this into a series of stories about Sassy is good and I look forward to seeing it progress.
What a good short story. You kept me guessing right up to the end - which is what a mystery story should do. I thought it was well told and it held this reader's attention all the way through.
I think we all have met a Cletus Brooks at sometime in our life! Whether we would all take such drastic measures to get rid of him is another question.
This sent a shiver down my back, probably because the 'hunter' seemed so cold and calculating!
This is an excellent free verse poem. It is so very vivid and delightfully descriptive. I love the use of enjambment; it draws the reader on through the poem. You write beautifully!
I have no suggestions, there is nothing I would change.
It is a beautiful poem with good rhythm and rhyme. I like the way you have compared a lifetime with the space of one day. I certainly look back and wonder where all the years have gone!
I enjoyed reading your poem.
I am mainly a traditional rhyming poet but I can appreciate good free verse. I think your poem is absolutely beautiful. It has a wonderful sense of feeling and it draws the reader along. It has a sense of peacefulness about it.
There is nothing I would change.
What a good format this poem has. I love the way it uses internal rhyme along with end rhyme. I imagine it must be pretty scary to be faced with extreme weather; here in England we get plenty of rain and wind but rarely anything as bad as you get over there.
Your poem tells a story and I enjoyed reading it.
Isn't it good how one prompt can bring forth so much variety. I love your delightful white witch with her sugarplums and chocolate. (I'm a chocaholic) Coming from an area rife with folklore I am more used to the blackhearted witches of Pendle. (I think in all honesty they were victims of the era they lived in)
I enjoyed your poem
This brought so many memories back to me. The eldest of five girls, I was lucky as I always had first pick of hand-me-downs from the 'well off'.' Mother used to spend hours sewing or unpicking old woolens and rolling multicoloured balls of wool which she would then knit up into 'rainbow' jumpers for us. Father kept a few chickens which he would sell to the 'well off,' we made do with stew made from the giblets! Oh happy days!
Times were hard, I felt your hurt.
What's true love, does it exist? Well, being a romantic at heart I'd have to say yes! Your poetry is always so good that I hesitate to find fault with it but I have one or two suggestions re. this one. They are only suggestions and I know that you will take them in that light.
In the second stanza may I suggest that you reverse they even to even they to keep the flow.
In the last stanza sought and got do not rhyme well. eg. sought /bought got/hot
You could possibly substitute 'got' with 'bought' without losing the meaning of your poem.
Whatever you do please,
I found this to be a very thought provoking read. It reminded me very much of reading 'A Christmas Carol' where different scenario's were put to Scrooge. I think that everyone who reads it will find their own meaning in it. A very interesting poem.
It had good rhyme and flows well.
Here in (old) England it is fall and like you I love those bright, crisp autumn morning where, if you take the time to listen, you can hear the snap as the leaves as they detach from the trees.
I noticed no errors.
This is a wonderfully descriptive piece, it was a joy to read.
This is an absolutely delightful children's poem and I have no difficulty imagining them wanting to hear it read out time and time again.
Although I loved it all, I think this is my favourite verse!
They tripped the light fantastic
'cross the leafy forest floor,
the crowd stepped back in wonder
calling Encore! Encore! Encore!
These vampires seem to turn up in strange places at this time of year and a bus is certainly a novel idea. I enjoyed reading your story although I personally wouldn't want to meet a vampire at any time!
The content was good although the punctuation seemed excessive in places, especially the use of commas.
e.g. His long, dark hair, rested on his shoulders. Full lips appeared lightly stained, with a grayish-blue tint, which slowly turned up into a wicked grin. I didn’t think anything of it, and returned the man’s smile.
Just a suggestion :-
His long, dark hair(,) rested on his shoulders. Full lips, which appeared lightly stained(,) with a grayish-blue tint, slowly turned up into a wicked grin. I didn’t think anything of it(,) and returned the man’s smile.
It caught my eye because of the title and the date. October 16th. I have a love of the history surrounding Marie-Antoinette and am fortunate to have been able to visit the Palace of Versailles in 2000. To walk where so much history has taken place was wonderful yet eerie experience.
Although you poem begins at the 'end' of her life it had quite an impact on me. Whether it would be the same for a reader not acquainted with her history, I'm not sure. For me, a concise and meaningful poem.
Your poem has beautiful sentiments and the following two lines are outstanding for me,
Your memories are my life
Their loss is what I so fear..
The rhyme and rhythm are perfect as is to be expected of anything you write.
In the line It’s a long time that you left would you consider replacing 'that' with 'since'? (Just a thought.}
A lovely poem.
This was such a fun read. I honestly can't say what I was expecting when I set off but it wasn't this! I loved the description of your characters especially this one - chicken legs with big protruding knobs for knees.
What I want to know is who let them have doughnuts in a weight loss camp?
Lovely story.
I wrote this in a reply to a review that you did on my work. Someone once told me that it doesn't matter how you interpret a poem as long as you
read and enjoy. We can all read different meanings from them, perhaps I should remember
that when I review.
Then I came to review "Multivalence" Often a poet is surprised by the "meaning" the Reader gathers from his poems. But Dan Sturn proposes that this is a natural process, and that the Poet doesn't really understand the meaning in his own work, as it was given to him from his Muse. When a Poet sees that somebody has gathered a meaning from a poem that did not occur to the Poet . . . . Multivalence has occurred.
You said, so eloquently, what I was fumbling to say and as I read more I found myself nodding in agreement with what you had to say.
This is a well written and most interesting theory. It gives the reader much to consider.
I found your poem very interesting. It certainly is a different take on The Lord's Prayer. You have made the second line encompass many faiths instead of just the one We know you by so many different names. but basically all the elements are still there.
and help us with our cravings and our blames,
and lead us not into temptation
deliver us from loving’s counterpart.
deliver us from evil.
I like your use of language and I like your prayer.
I saw no errors.
This is a beautiful poem for your daughter. I was blessed with a son [no daughters :( ] and had to leave him to go out to work so I understand the feelings you expressed in your poem.
I enjoyed reading it and saw no errors.
Write on!
~Sue~
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