This is an exceptional piece that may only be mostly understood by veterans, more specifically those of OIF and Dessert Storm/Shield. I am myself a veteran of 3 tours to Iraq during the OIF time. I will not lie that there were many times during those 3 deployment where I wondered if it was right that we were there. In the overall scheme, while not totally just, the war wasn't exactly unjust either, just points smeared by news. I was actually over there on the date you have written at the bottom. I am far from a "Grammar Nazi" as we all make mistakes, but I do believe you forgot to add the word "know" in the first line of the second stanza. This piece is worthy of a 4.5 of 5 in my eyes as it does express true views of Iraq veterans. Good day to you!
An interesting piece of work. As a veteran whom served in Iraq three times, I never had the unfortunate circumstances unfold to be caught in a fire fight. While not the best flow, it is a good piece of work. It reminds me of Vietnam based movies and such upon reading. I give it a solid 4 of 5. Good day to you!
A good, honest piece that comes straight from the heart. The circumstances of sorrowful experiences, no matter how unfortunate they may be, leads to good pieces of work such as this. Over time the pain will heal, but until then, it can be embraced for creative measures. This is a solid piece worthy of 4 of 5. Good day to you!
A very intriguing piece. It flows exceptionally well. Romance (even in dreams) pieces are not something that I usually read or at least don't enjoy so much, but this appears to be an exception. I spent a lot of my younger years as the guy stuck in the friend zone, so this appeals to how I felt much of the time way back when. I give it a 4.5 of 5.
Good job to you and good day.
Thoroughly entertaining, if I must say so myself. Maybe the biggest appeal to me was the use of my favorite animal (even if they are mythical beasts). The line "It was the weirdest thing I'd heard" I feel could have been better with the word "ever" in there. Overall the flow is very natural throughout. I give this a solid 4.5 of 5. Good day to you.
This is a truthful ode to good parents everywhere. Good rhyming in my eyes, but there is that lack of punctuation. I have also written without punctuation too, but some people are prone to point that out even on a poem, lol. Overall, I find this poem to be a good piece of work and bid you keep writing. I found your piece on the plug, and if you so wish, I would not be opposed to you returning the review :D.
This was an absolute marvel and nigh masterpiece to read. While I kind of expected the ending to be close to as it was, at the same time I didn't. You masterfully placed that wondering and speculation in the first paragraph when you described the tea cup set and the reasons husbands usually give those. Good job I say.
Being a veteran of the armed services and having served in Iraq on three separate occasions, I find myself drawn to pieces like this. Then again I liked pieces like this before, but anyway I truly enjoyed this piece. It feels a bit unorthodox, a good quality though, and the fast pacing fits the scheme. I have ended one of my pieces with Boom! in the past, and it always feels a bit off though I think. If I were writing it I would have added two lines following boom, the first would say "flash" (or perhaps flash then boom since light is faster than sound, lol) and the second to close it would either have been "dust" or "game over". If you choose, you could use those if you wish. Overall, I like it, a 4.5 of 5.
Entertaining to say the least. I found that in the beginning I wondered if I would be able to read the whole thing, but then it grasped me and I found myself reading faster. This is a wonderfully written piece, while some line transitions didn't always seem the best, overall it worked in a favorable manor. I especially liked the unexpected end.
I found myself entertained with the passionate experience that was brilliantly painted through your words. Although some line transitions did throw me off per say. I am one who tends to be guilty of having some not so good line transitions, and I cannot accurately say how to fix them. In the Grand scheme of things, I still find this poem enjoyable.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/iggyg85
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 11:34am on Nov 05, 2024 via server WEBX1.