I think you have done a nice job of hooking the reader, on two points. Firstly the murder, that always works to hook the reader. The second point involves the fact that the "Heroine" is a vampire married to a human. The sexual tension between them is very good. By the way I really like the setting......20 hours of night.
Very cute, what really goes through the mind of one of our pets as they watch us day after day. This was a very good idea! You kight want to get a little more into the cats emotions, (and maybe a little more plotting on the Cat's side) it might make for a stronger story.
To those of us who have and/or love dogs your essay on Scottie really hits a nerve.
It's has always amazed me how quickly dogs adapt to a new "pack". Your essay really conveys your feelings, it is quite well done. I know that writing about things like this can help to ease the hurt.
There were a couple of spelling and grammar mistakes, but otherwise it is a well written ode to Scottie.
I think we have all stood watching a sunrise or sunset or sometimes staring into the darkness thinking about where we are. Hwo we got here and where are we going? You have done a very nice job of putting those thoughts and questions into verse.
There are a few lines that seem a little unbalanced, you may want to read it to yourself again and see what you think. Everybody's ideas are different and mine may not be right for you. In addition there are a couple of spelling mistakes. But overall this is a nice bit of writing.
I think your autobiography was wonderfully written. I do not think any one can complain about the length or breath of it. You have certainly covered more ground then I ever would, especially in terms of your personnal life and family. I did like the way you covered your writing life with links to those specific pieces of writing.
I enjoyed your description of the Feline Olympics more then I have ever enjoyed any Olympics that I have ever witnessed. Beside being very entertaining, your words painted a perfect picture of the athletes in action! The only thing better would be for me to be present at the events themselves.
The was a really GOOD letter from a parent to a child. as a parent myself I can feel a lot of what you are expressing here. You have done a wonderful job of giving us little bit of a timeline with your daughter. You are a talented writer and it shows through with everything that I have read of yours.
This was a really terrific idea. "Wanting", through the eyes of a dog. Very well carried out. You gave us the ability to hear a Dog's thoughts, and his reasoning for wanting the cookie. It was interesting at first I did not get who was telling the story but once I did the story became that much better.
An interesting description of the emotions and sights that were involved here. I also thought your choice in choosing some of the words was also interesting and perhaps a little different. As some one who has gone through this themselves I can identify with the lines you have put to paper.
I like that you have tied up the story, filled us in on most of the missing pieces and still left an opening for additional parts in the future.
I think the last have of this chapter could use a
little clarification, it gets a little confusing.
Very nice job!
The story is moving along nicely now. I like the Vampire angle very much. His forcing her to become a vampire "again" is an interesting story line, especially since she does not remember being one and does not seem to want to become one now. I am looking forward to the next part.
Good start, i love your descriptions. You made it easy to visualize what we were reading. I also liked your dialogue, it was done nicely and flowed well.
Will there be more to this chapter? On its own it is missing something. It gets you reading and then stops!
It's a good start. You've started to set a scene for us, i kind of see where this maybe going. The dialogue is not bad. I think it could use a little more in the way of descriptions as to where they are, what they look like, their father and mother.
I do like the openning line, it catched your interest. By the way dropped should have 2 Ps.
It amazes me sometimes how much information we know and file for later use, but never use. Some of your tips are common sense that I know I have forgotten, and some of your tips are new for me. I will print out your tips and keep it next to my computer,
THANKS
I really enjoyed this piece. All of his who own dogs can appreciate and enjoy the beginning of your story.
You certainly gave us a few twists and turns in this short story. I liespecially liked the part with the two guys in the woods looking for a belt for thier washing machine. Nice Job!
I love Vampire stories! Your writing though in
story form is very poetic. The form flows very easily, I do like that. The openning letter is a good way to start, it really sucked me in, (no pun intended)
I find a hint of Ann Rice's "Vampire Chronicles" in your writing. If you have never read her books might enjoy them.
I can see your shadowy profile as you confess your addiction. Only confession here doesn't help. Acknowledgement only makes you want to write more! But at least you know who and what you are.
This was a great idea and very well executed.
Write On!
I think most of us tend to take our friends for granted. Tehy are always there when we need them and we don't think twice about calling them, but this poem
shatters that tendency.
It is very well written and thought out. You say alot in a few lines. Keep Writing,
What a beautiful peice of writing. I enjoyed the flow of this poem and actually found it very relaxing.
The idea was a s good as the writing. I cannot offer you any advice other then keep on writing. When I feel depressed about my own efforts I will reread this!
Thanks for the great tips. Having just recently put up my first piece of work I was wondering how to get some feedback. Though I have been reviewing for a while I did not think much about it from the other side. Your essay is a huge help to us newbies.
I liked your poem very much. You really put alot of emotion in to it. Your style while very traditional
workd very well.
The last stanza is a little awkward, especially line two, but that is just an opinion, if YOU like it then
leave it.
This was an excellent tutorial on the art of reviewing. I have been reviewing for a short while, but with out a plan. You have helped me quite a bit
to formulate such a plan. Some of the things you mention are obvious and I did overlook them.
WOW!!! Very harsh words, i don't want to know what happened between you and them. All kidding aside the writing is very STRONG. You get your point across very well. It is a very emotional poem. The style also lends itself very well to this type of writing.
Well i think we can tell you like the forest, especially in the autumn. And whats more you describe it very well. In a few short words you have given us a vivid picture of what you see. The blue sky, the leaves changing color, the clouds, you have done well.
The poems form is good easy to read aloud or to yourself.
The idea of telling a story twice, form two very different point of views was a good one. If we read just one side we will get less then half of actual idea, together they really point out the lack of communication and understanding between Jack and Nate.
The two sides are so different that it really makes you think of our own relationships with family and friends.
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