Hi there.
This is interesting. Devil saving a prisoner who has nothing to offer but his soul and indeed has nothing to lose.
The last line is a clifhanger. Did he die? or did devil actually save him? He wasn;t supposed to look up but he did, this means the deal didnt happen?
And the main question is, will we get the continuation of the story?
don't leave us hanging :)
In some places you could have done more showing than telling. Reveal us the devil gradually, may him realize its some kind of creature not quite human. show us what he looks like and how he speaks etc. I love a good visionary.
Hi!
I LOVED this. So interesting, very ctachy and very vivd.
The style you have is indeed unique.
You know sometimes I read a story and it is dragging, i have to force myself to read further. But yours is not like that on the contrary, I wanted to read faster to see what happens next. I love how dynamic it is. quick paces, smooth flow and good "show don't tell" style.
I indeed want to read and know what happens next so I am waiting for you to post the next chapter!
Hi there!
Well the story is very sad indeed but not scary just yet.
Why not to make it bigger? show your reader more details about the famil, what they were like, how they spoke, laughed, loved, suffered?
I think the story has a great potential. You could add lots of spooky details maybe ghosts? evil spirits? curse? anything would do well in this kind of a story.
For now it sounds like a brief explanation for a bigger work. If you ever consider turning this into a few chapter story I would be happy to read.
Hithere!
Your poem is beautiful.
What I got from it was the sense of youth, when we are wild and ready to enjoy the life and then by the end of your powem qe come to a point when we are old enough to recognize the fake and the unimportant.
Beautiful. I loved it.
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