This is a phenomenal piece, fortified with properly utilized and even eloquent vocabulary. It has a strong storyline and contains not only love and a hint of romance, but drama as well. This is a story of a man and a woman, bound together in love, as they face their individual experiences in the face of death.
This is a descriptive piece that details an early Saturday morning in a coffee shop...it could be the Starbucks at the corner or any other coffee shop in small town USA. While I can visualize the activities of the coffee shop, the images are in black and white. Imagery is used in this piece, but I believe it could be stepped up a notch or two to bring these images to life in color. I would be interested in re-reading this piece, should additional details be added. Write on!
An eerie, tragic, sorrowful tale of depression and suicide and the effect that it has on a woman's community and family that is spun into poetry. In a depressed society, this speaks of the pain of many, not just one. Grammatically correct with only one noted spelling error. Write on!
This piece, titled Golden Darkness, is unlike those I have read in the past. The author wrote this story seemingly through the eyes of the creatures within it, which is profoundly difficult to do without a thorough understanding of the material that is being written about. I found it compelling, eerie and well written with an outstanding use of imagery, appropriate grammar and no noted spelling errors. Write on!
This is a topic that is not easily grasped by most individuals, but the author seems to have a distinct handle on it and writes about it seemingly with ease. This topic is also one that is more and more common in society today, as the taboo of being gay/lesbian wans in both the gay/lesbian circle and the heterosexual circle. Same sex relationships are frequently publicized and being openly involved in a same sex relationship is ever more common in public circles. There are a couple of typos within this piece, but nothing significant. I found the tossing of insults to be a bit over the top, but this is otherwise a well written story that addresses an often times touchy subject.
As I began reading this particular piece, I wasn't sure that I was going to follow it, finish it or like it. However, when I finished it, I realized that it pulled me in and kept me there - I needed to find out the outcome. While not all endings to this all to often true-to-life story are happy, this is one of hope. Well written!
This is certainly a unique approach to terminating a relationship, one I am quite certain I could never have pulled off. While it borders on humorous, I found no opportunity for so much as a chuckle.
I enjoyed that this read wasn't another of sorrow and loss at the end of a relationship.
There are several punctuation issues throughout this piece, that with some work, would allow this story to read more smoothly.
An almost eerie tale of new hope and new love intertwined in loss and tragedy. It becomes nearly impossible for the reader to seperate the moral and ethical dilemmas from the matters of the heart. I found no grammatical errors in this work of fiction. Write on!
A comical look at being caught with ones pants down, literally. As parents we all know that the day may come when we are caught in that awkward position that my parents called 'kissy face and huggy bear' and what my sister and I referred to as 'doing it'.
This work is also great in that it examines porn for what it is, a part of life and a part of any normal, healthy sexual relationship.
I found no grammatical errors and enjoyed this piece a great deal! Write on!
This is a well written work of fiction, that reads quickly without requiring a great deal of thought or analysis. The characters are easily understood, as is the chronology of the story. There is just enough 'bait' from paragraph to paragraph to keep the reader interested and then ending certainly warranted a laugh out loud. Write on!
This piece is well written with only two grammatical errors apparent to me. The first, can be found in the paragraph beginning 'Junior high'. The mistake is misplaced punctuation almost immediately in that sentence. The second error can be found in the final paragraph - collage should be college.
Your ability to explore several key societal issues in this work speaks of personal experiences and insights. I found it very easy to 'become' Allison, partly because of my own personal experiences but mainly because she is so well developed.
As a little girl I was the less-than-athletic child in school...the one who was chosen last when teams were chosen, merely out of meanness, not because of a disability. In those days, I did not stand my ground or stand up for what I believed in or to be right. Today, as an adult, involved in education; I don't back down and I don't stand for bullying of any type. Every child deserves that chance, that golden moment. This is well written, seemingly without grammatical errors and it spoke to me...well done!
You are courageous both in your fight against MS and in sharing a glimpse of your story with the readers of W.com. I agree that the internet can indeed be an enlightening place, in the education (we have to take the good with the bad) that we receive from it and the friends that come to be part of our lives. I wish you continued health. Write on!
The very erotic telling of an unlikely lovers triangle. A story of the confidence, unconditional acceptance and trust that should exist in each relationship. The characters are well portrayed, realistic and perhaps even real...it would seem that these two individuals adore each other, both here and in life itself.
This is a well organized, beautifully written short story of a young woman's brutal journey into womanhood, in a society that shuns those who choose a lifestyle other than that which has been taught and preached since infancy.
I found this tale heart breaking, gut wrenching and terrifying - that any young woman would be forced to face new life and loss at all, never mind alone. Sadly, however, it happens every day.
Red: The Perfect Match is, unfortunately, a story that we see more and more often in today's society. The story of an abused child who makes a conscious choice to take revenge on her parent. This short story offers a startling look at the fear and hatred that an abused child holds within.
Girl from a Dusty Memory is a colorfully, even comically woven tale of four unlikely friends and their quest to play matchmaker in an extremely unlikely fashion.
This story is well organized, provides enough detail to assist the reader in visualizing the story but not so much detail that the picture is painted for her, and the ending - while expected - works well.
The Red Tie is a researched comparison of the birth experience, told in story format. This comparison is of the birth experience in the sixties and seventies versus birth in today's society and climate.
This story was well organized, flowed well, and the characters were believable.
While this story line is strong, the supporting details could feasibly be more 'colorful' and the action/drama more life like. For example, a scene where he actually steals the pie, details of his trip into the city or his actual arrival at his cousins, etc.
This work of erotica appeals to all of the senses. It is a very sexy story of female masturbation, almost as an art form. The writer of this work intends to seduce her reader and leave her aching to read more and experience the joys of release. I highly recommend this read!
This is the work of an incredible author - weaving a tale that takes the reader into the world of dreams and back into the world of reality without missing a beat repeatedly, without missing a beat! The story of a child's haunted life and a ghosts haunted past.
I highly recommend taking time out of your day to stop and read this work!
As a survivor of a loss similar to this, I appreciated this work. I did find that parts of it were repetitive/redundant - for example, the dirt and blood soiled snow was repeated often, commments about the piano/chopin were also repeated too often. With some stream lining, I would give this work a five.
Molestation is a taboo subject in our society, as are the physical, verbal and emotional abuses that many endure day in and day out. Without our emotional health, we are nothing. I encourage each of you who have been the victims of any abuse to seek counseling,
for yourself and those that love you.
Most writers of childbirth lack the knowledge and the courage to explore the psycological aspects of childbirth or the loss of a child through death or adoption. You, however, have captured the essence of love and loss in the same setting. Thank you for a stunning, well researched, read.
An incredible work of fiction that beautifully portrays childhood as the simple, honest, naive time of life that it should be! Thank you for a wonderful read!
Pursuit
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