This was absolutely hilarious. The only suggestion I have is very nitpicky and entirely subjective - I found that the lines "Twixt the pro and con / she rambled on" didn't flow quite as well as the rest of the poem. That said, the poem as a whole flows well, rhymes well, and is imaginative, interesting, and amusing.
On the whole I love this poem. I've never heard of an abcedarius poem before, and I like the structure. It seems like a good choice for a lyrical poem that's halfway to becoming a story. The poem has a strict structure, and it's very impressive how natural you made most of the lines sound.
My favorite lines were
"Quiet speaks volumes to
responsive ears, telling
secrets to those who listen."
There were a few places where your syllable count was slightly off.
The third line in the third verse
"Knowing spring was hiding."
is six syllables, where it ought to be seven.
The last line in verse four
"peace on land forever loved."
is seven syllables but should be six.
The first line in verse 5
"Quiet speaks volumes to"
is six syllables to my ear, although depending on pronunciation I can see how it might be counted as seven.
Overall this poem flows very well, and you really have a gift for vivid imagery.
Keep on writing,
-Isa
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/isa1187
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 12:46am on Dec 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
