You have a strong ending phrase: "Because I remember how lonely I really was being married."
But you wrote this after you were divorced, so to my understanding, although as a married woman you were lonely, it was better to have him around than to NOW be in a lonely home. It sounds as if you missed him although he was only present. So maybe you truly loved him but you did not know how to reach him (or connect to him). You did not know how to tell him that you wanted to be his wife until death? That is the impression I am getting from your poem--a bad marriage, but you wanted to make it work rather than experience the divorce.
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