This is very strong on drama and atmosphere.. I feel it would ber helped if we were given a little more biographical detail on one or possibily two of the characters. This were help to draw the reader in and could be done in a way that does not sacrifice too much information which may need to be reserved for later. The story clearly has strong potential but I wonder if the elements which will make it unique need to be more strongly hinted at in this chapter. Just enough to tantalize and really grab the reader early on.
Powerful, with just a hint of self delusion. Yea she's over him but you wouldn't want to bet on her reaction if he walked through the door. Emotionally highly believable. The reference to Peggy will really hurt when he reads it and all the cotton candy in the world will not stop her wondering what might have been.
As a man I know how this letter would make me feel.
This is fun. The writing is clear and entertaining. I want to know more. How hot is the fire on their breathe? What do they eat? How long do they live? And if I need to ward off a river dragon does it need to be a centipede? Will a millipede do it?
The great virtue of this writing is it stimulates the imagination, even in those of us a long way from childhood. A joy in itself and also with great potential for development. Is there going to be an illustrated edition?
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jack_york
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 8:50am on Nov 16, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
