I like the flow of this, I read your Bio as well. Funny how it seems to be that those who are apt to write also love art, and I am very much like you (though much older) I think its a desire to create. Lots of talent, keep going...
Nice storey, I was wondering where it was leading...it has a great build up. The only thing I would rework is the visit with mom. She didn't really add anything because I clearly got an image that this guy was a jerk already, maybe if he planned to kill her to get the money...Great descriptions, I could see this guy clearly and needed a shower after reading.
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