This is good. Kept me interested. I only noticed a few sentences that could be revised to flow better. The one I'm thinking of, is the sentence where his friends are helping him move. You have that their helping him to move.
But all in all, this is a very amusing story. You could do a lot more with it if you wanted.
Keep Writing :)
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jaden_cane
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 8:25am on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX1.