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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jakeb
Review Requests: OFF
16 Public Reviews Given
16 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I definitely understand miss spellings, so I'll focus more on the story than the errors. For me the story needs to have nice structure, believable characters, and a great idea! When I’m asked to do a review I’ll create an in-depth review, catorizing my review into different parts to make easier to understand, unlike when I do a read and review were I only leave one paragraph.
I'm good at...
I am good at writing and spotting out errors. Though my reviews may mention some errors the rating itself will depend more of the story.
Favorite Genres
I really like science fiction, horror, pretty much fiction in general
Least Favorite Genres
I am not a very big poem fan, they're okay, but not my ideal way of reading. I'm not too much into romance.
Favorite Item Types
Chapter static items might be my overall favorite item, mostly because that's really all I use.
Least Favorite Item Types
I don't really have a least favorite item
I will not review...
I will not review anything with overwhelming romance, some is fine, but it can't be the main focus of the story.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The new arrival  Open in new Window.
Review by Flying Fox Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Warning: this in-depth review of The New Arrival by Eira may contain spoilers. Please read story before reading this review.

This short, sweet, few hundred words make up the start of an intriguing story. It sparks the occasional question. Yet, not every story comes without its flaws. You asked me for a review, and I’m going to give it to you...

Characters: Wilma and Emile are both the main characters. This is made especially known since parts of the story follows both of their view points. However the Wilma feel a little vague in character. Now this isn’t really much of a bad thing, only that the reader must trust they’ll get to know this character a little later. We learn a little of Emile, but it still remains hard to connect to some of these characters.

Plot: Right know the plot isn’t much. It doesn’t cry out much problems these characters will face though the story. This part does seem to let the reader know Emile and Dasiy’s known each other. Right now your story appears to early to really be certain of the plot.

Grammar and spelling errors: there weren’t much out of spelling errors, but you should return and re-edit. You also excessively used the word “has”. On most most cases this word is entirely unnecessary. For example,
He had counted the patterned tiles.
Could be just as easily changed to,
He counted the patterned tiles.
Using word economy is important. If the word you’re using is entirely unnecessary just leave it out.
Grammar and spelling errors have no weigh on you rating.

Description: I don’t have much to say about the description. The 422 tiled floor was well discripted, as well was the room they were in, however I don’t feel that neither Wilma nor Emile were well described themselves.

I giving you 3.5 stars for week plot, or evidence of one; characters were a little vague; and the description was just kinda meh, it was good some parts, but the characters appeared faceless without much description.
2
2
Review by Flying Fox Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Typically I’m not one for poetry, can’t even do poetry well at all, but I really liked this. The story you poem told only left me saying, “wow”. Just the word “fox” in the heading caught my attention, since they are my favorite animals, they are so awesome. One of the reasons I love so much is all the mystery even left over after the poem is over, like what was the fox’s intentions? I have to admit if a fox told me to follow it I’d probably slam closed the camper door, without even knowing if its intentions were actually good. This poem is terrific. I can’t even really think of anything wrong with it. Just the fact you leave the poem in such a way that invokes so much thought.
3
3
Review of Destiny Part 1  Open in new Window.
Review by Flying Fox Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)

Warning: This in-depth review of Destiny Part 1, by Charmer could contain spoilers. Please read story before reading this review.

This was a nice first part to your story. Yet, not every story comes without its flaws. You asked me for a review, and I’m going to give it to you.

Characters: this is only your first part, so I’ll give you some leeway here. The character don’t seem to flushed out right now, in fact they’re a little flawed. The only thing we really know about the main character is that he’s an orphan. Nor where we told when team it is he’s being recruited in, but, I do understand, since this is only your first part how these things might come into view later on in the story.

Plot: for how short the story was it did drag me in pretty quickly. Leave the reader with many questions to be answered, and its easy to tell there’s a lot more going on than meets the eye.

Grammar and Spelling errors: there wasn’t really much of these, but I did come across a few. I’d say, go back and re-edit you story and fix these. Also the format makes the story a little difficult to follow. When you begin a new paragraph you should space you paragraph, otherwise WDC doesn’t really recognize them as paragraphs, so it makes it tougher for the reader to read.

Discription: the disciption is rather weak. The discription of a manticores are good, but the setting doesn’t seem well described, I know its cold and Winter, but is it a mountainous location?

Hey, you appear new, welcome to WDC, I hope you’re enjoying it.

I’m going to give you 4 stars. You have a good captivating first part, but description appeared a little vague along with your characters. Some spelling errors, but that doesn’t effect your rating.
4
4
Review of The Coffee Shop  Open in new Window.
Review by Flying Fox Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Warning: This in-depth review of The Coffee Shop, by Dragonbane could contain spoilers. Please read story before reading this review.

I’m not much for romance, especially strange romances, such as this. Typically this odd couple, separated by decades, is odd, but yet charming none the less. Though the story comes with every romance’s cheesiness.

Characters: The characters were pretty well put together. At the start I thought I could really care less for the characters, until you, as the writer, tested me by revealing one of them to have cancer. It’s a very good, smart, tactic to see just how much your readers care about the characters you’ve created.

Plot: the plot is sturdy and solid, and I’d definitely would recommend this story to anyone who enjoys a good romance story, but not for me. Even though it was, overall, a good story, that mostly depends on the reader. I don’t much enjoy romances, and this story is, sadly, no exception to that. It’s just another love story between a couple, except one of them is decades only then the other.

Grammar and spelling errors: There was many of parts I came across in your story that have comma issues, and I mean a lot. All the way from having a comma where you don’t need it, to having no comma where you do need one. There was also occasional wording errors. Your best bet is to go back and fix the issues you find.

Description: The description wasn’t all that bad, in fact it was pretty good. Some parts you might want to work on, but the description was pretty well done none the less. The coffee Shop itself was descripted perfectly the other places you may need work with. Other than that it’s quite fine.

I’m giving this story a 4 star, because of sturdy plot, testing your readers with your characters, and good descriptions, but the grammar and punctuation could still use some help.
5
5
Review by Flying Fox Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Warning: This in depth review of A Trip to Remember, by Dane may contain spoilers. Please read story before reading this review.

A Trip to Remember is one of the few story I ever read were was left still trying to comprehend all that was happening. If this was your intention you did a good job of it. You asked me for a review, and I’m going to give it to you.

Characters: some of the characters seemed a little vague. Mainly it was only the main character, Clementine, that really strikes me as interesting. Many of his history is revealed at the story continued. It was also like this with a limited few other characters.

Plot: the plot of this story was mostly confusing. The story starting out with Clementine and Azra discovering some sort of institution that isn’t there. Then the story begins to, honestly, get a bit boring. Suspense begins to first rise near the end when Clementine starts to question how they know so much about them. Confusion hits an all time high towards the end when Clementine and Azra act like they’ve been drugged or even poisoned, and even by the very end you make it seem like they died.

Grammar and spelling errors. This is something I didn’t find much of, but there was a couple errors I did find. You should most likely look back over the story and fix those errors.

Description: the discription of this new world with this mysterious instituation is actually rather good. A reader can tell how much you put into creating what can seem like a living and breathing world. Keep up the good work

I’ll give this Story a 3.5 rating for a plot that is confusing to follow and vague characters.
6
6
Review of The Diner  Open in new Window.
Review by Flying Fox Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great story, I found it to have solid characters with a plot just as solid. This is one of the few I’ve came across I thought was really good. Though no story comes without its flaws. There were some errors throughout the story I had came across. I’d suggest maybe looking it back over an fixing what you find. The main character was really flushed out. Though, I feel Reachel was a bit of a vague character. All the reader really knows is that she’s pregnant and she loves her boyfriend. The story also generates suspense that hits its peak when the assiliants walk into the diner.
7
7
Review by Flying Fox Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This review does contain spoilers, so beware when reading it if you had yet to read Rorschach and the Redneck by Donkey Hoetay.

This was AWESOME, but yet confusing at the same time. You asked me for a review so I'm going to give it to you.

Characters: the characters seem pretty flushed out throughout most of the story, but their lives a pretty much lies anyways, because (spoilers) both of the main characters are convicts.

Plot: the plot to this story is terrific, but weird. It's full of plot twist after plot twist. At one moment you think that it (spoilers) really is the actual doctor then BOOM its all a lie. Throughout this whole thing you think its the real Maggie Arnold then BOOM never mind another plot twist. This made it an incredibly interesting story to read.

Grammar and writing errors: I could really find any, but if you haven't already I'd say you should check it over an re-edit any of the problems you find.

Thoughts: (Warning: these will contain spoilers)
If Maggie (the first one) is just another convic, why did she try to get the attention of the police? They could of found out who she was.

A actual Redneck would HATE this story, but I must admit the red neck pun is a good one.
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