Hi, Carly I'm coming to you through the Baker's 13?. First off, congratulations for completing every round. That is quite a feat in itself.
Couple of things I liked about this. I liked the first paragraph a lot. That round had a tough prompt and I thought it was funny that instead of trying to explain it away you just say -
"Marlene read the post again. She knew it was coming, but it still stole her breath and left her gasping and trying to make sense of this government policy. A policy that was so entrenched in their society that no one could even remember why it had been instated."
I thought that was a good move. Even the main character doesn't know why its the law.
And then you just went through and told a very straightforward story. My favorite part.
"They had both gone to Pentzic. They had both survived Pentzic."
I felt like I had a good handle on the main character by the end.
It's short though. I didn't mind it, but I bet it hurt your chances in the eyes of the judges.
Thaylon this was very cute. Lots of good humor in here. You are so funny and clever. I love that in a woman. Hmmm, I wonder are you attractive too? Well, I'm off to facebook, to google you, and to use all the other extensive tricks I know how to do being a VERY well versed "detective" of the internet.
Juuuuuuuuuust kidding. That is, of course, except for the part where I said I liked the piece.
I may do a little "appropriate stalking" and check out some other things in your port, if that's OK?
Loved this Paul. This had a nice conversational tone that I dug a lot. It really worked. And I liked the over all arc of the story. It had nice pacing as you set up this up with a description of your lonely existence that was broken by the appearance of Amanda. Very romantic with a nice delicate tone.
If it's autobiographical I have to know what happened, dog. Maybe you could write about your first call or date with Amanda. She sounds cool.
Very nice Eli. I wasn't sure if this story, the one you've written here was "The Story." At first I thought it was, but upon a second reading I think (although I still could be wrong) The Story is one I haven't seen yet.
Anyway my puzzlement about this is just another thing to like about this piece.
It's creative and fun. I liked the tone of the Story's voice. She sounds a bit like an unappreciated lover. Yes, I called her her. She seems female to me.
I really enjoyed this piece. I feel that after reading it I have a really good idea who Matt is as a person. He sounds very cool and I hope you've shown him this flattering essay you wrote as an homage to him.
I also feel like a have a good handle on you as a person too. In fact I feel I know you as a person even better than Matt.
There were a lot of things to like about his piece. I liked its conversational tone. I liked your asides. I liked your insights about yourself (like that you realize you have an ideal boyfriend no one could ever hope to be, but that Matt is pretty darn close to that, that Matt is a lot like your dad...)
Blah, blah, blah...how I do go on. Anyway, I read it and I dug it. You are a writer my girl. Keep doing what you're doing.
Angus I found this in the nomination bullets for the Quills. Whoever nominated it said (and I paraphrase) it is one of the best things they've read on WDC. They got this right, this very good.
Well written good pacing. The beginning has just the right tempo. It starts of quickly, but you take a bit of time to reveal who the muse actually is (at first I thought he was a lover, and the author was female). Holding back a little at first got me intrigued.
Lots of good humor in this too. I liked the part where the muse kept reading the "last part" of the story. Funny stuff. Why? "it's fiction. Anything can happen."
What a wonderful piece. Your muse may have abandoned you, but when he rolled back in, he brought you gold.
Ashley, I very much enjoyed this write. To me it is very refreshing to read something that shows such a wide and appreciative tolerance for different religious views. It is more and more common to find this notion in America, and I am heartened by it.
But to me, in the last paragraph, you take this notion/view to a different level that many who call themselves tolerant often have more difficulty doing. You say that it is OK for people to thank godlike figures (Hindus, for instance?) or even if they choose to thank no one at all (atheists and maybe the spiritual lazy?). That is another acceptance of a different level. I heartily approve.
Anyway, sometime when the moment is right, I hope that when you are sitting down with one of your all catholic crowds, you whip out a few Jewish prayers just before noshing. Just to give them something to think about.
Do the same (in reverse) when you are eating with an all Jewish crowd too.
I like it Bob. I didn't know you were a poet too. I'm impressed.
I like the texture, flow and style of this. It is very delicate and melancholy. I feel like I'm describing a painting, rather than a poem. Hey, a work of art is a work of art, right?
The whole poem is great, but the last stanza is the best. Poignant, it has great imagery. As a aging bachelor this home hit home with me.
Magoo, I don't know where to start with this. I was talking to TarynSloane ~ Writing. I asked her, "What's the best thing you've read on Writing.com.?" She mentioned a few things, including a poem called a "Why I Love Babies In Highchairs." She described the plot. I thought she was crazy. She sent me your link.
And she was right. This is awesome. So creative, fresh, funny and adorable. If I was the publisher of childrens' books, the second I finished reading this I would be signing you on, and then I'd have my artists drawing the pictures for this pronto. I would not change a word of your poem. That would be the text of the story. I would insist upon that.
Anyway, now this is one of the best things I've read on WDC too.
Very nice. Such a pleasure to read a "classic" short story. Reminds me of why they are classics, because this was so good.
Creative, well written, interesting. And it sucked me right in. Well painted too. I'm going to have trouble getting Sammy's flailing arms out of my mind. And when "Simon" puts his foot in the back of Sammy's back, it was awful. What a bastard!
See how you made me care for these "characters?" That's a sign of good writing. Some of them aren't even real characters - and I still cared.
One the best things I've read here in a while.
I saw this came in second. I'm off to read first place, it must be the perfect story.
The two separate tables are tried and true writing fare. This was a surprise though because rarely (and by rarely I mean never) have I read one of those pieces where the author liked the little kids table better. I liked you examples too, that backed up your contention. It really isn't pleasant to listen to someone talk about their operation while eating.
Bob, you know I'm a fan. I like the stream of consciousness thing you do a lot. This is definitely one of your most stream of consciouness pieces. The result? This is one of my favorite pieces you've done.
I'm sure you're going to live to be 107. I hope so. You're writing entertains me to no end.
Hi Mariah. Welcome to WDC. You are a welcome addition here as I dug your story.
Why did I like your story? It was just the right mixture of pacing, humor, and suspense.
The pacing was good. It built nicely. Usually I'm a little impatient at stories that are "slow" like this, but your deft storytelling and humor kept me on board. Lots of good funny imagery and asides.
Then the whole suspense as to why you were kicked off was perfect. At first I thought he was mad at you because he thought you were eating. Then I thought he thought you were drunk. Then ta-da! - the real reason. Wonderfully done.
Edits: capitalize "Fall" in your title.
And I'm sorry about you getting kicked out of your guild. Anyway, welcome to our guild! I promise you you will not be kicked off of here for anything so unjust.
Winklett, this is a very hard, tough poem. The sparseness of words you chose to use is a good writer's choice for this piece, as it helps convey your narrator's loneliness and pain, even when she is comforted in the end. The short, "uneven" stanzas - another good poetic choice, as they reflect the narrator's spinning, reeling mind.
I liked the juxtapositions you create in this piece too. Ex: the peace of the park and the soft grass vs. the cramping, and your narrator's distress.
Zooly, I am very picky with what I like, but every once in a great while I come across an author who impresses me. It is such a rare occurrence that I am always thrilled when it happens and I tend to read their entire port.
You are one of those chosen few. Aren't you proud?
About this piece - funny, funny, funny. The Nikki Minaj one was my favorite. Your thoughts on her were amusing.
This kind of reminded me of the movie Falling Down. You watch each scene of that movie fascinated, but when that snippet is done and he moves on, all you are thinking is - what's next?
Here all I was thinking was - whose next?
Again, one review at 3 stars. Who was the person with no sense of humor who raided your port?
One person gave this 3 stars. No, no, no, no, no. That person needs their reviewing license revoked.
Soiled yourself playing soccer. Was it from fear, or excitement, or from tacos?
The mind of Roger Federer. Ha! His is rather Obama-like in his play - cool and detached. Nice observation. He just won another one after a bit of a drought, right? See Zooly, now you got ME talking sports.
I agree with you on Tiger. I'm not a big fan, but damn he is (was?) unreal. In Mike Tyson's neighborhood of wickedly good.
Anyway, I liked this Zooly. It was fun, and funny (lots of good humor in here). And entertaining, you tell a good story. And it's eclectic, a nice variety of sports represented here.
This was extremely cute Elena. It definitely has a certain homespun charm to it. I bet that there are lots of women who wish that their first kissed had gone "down" like yours did. It was, in a way, perfect and romantic.
And you told the story well too. Once again (and it seems so cliche for me to say this) you told your story in a simple, homespun manner, which is exactly how such a story should be told. I liked the small details you added to your story, like how your sisters watched you get dressed, and how you felt as you were being kissed. Those details really painted a vivid picture for me as I read this.
Good luck in the contest. You have your work cut out for you, there are about a billion entries for this round. But I tell you what, even if you don't win, this piece is a winner.
Lesley, you definitely have the gift for telling a tale. I liked the pacing you used to tell this one. It builds, it grows, but not too slowly. Like I said, it's a gift.
You also have the knack for adding colorful details that add to your stories appeal. In this one I liked the child like enthusiasm and impatience you shared as the time for getting your fish grew near. I liked the fish and fish tank information. I liked the therapy angle.
An edit - you repeat a bunch of information at least two or three times in the third and fourth to last paragraphs in this piece. Go back and give it a look. It will be apparent to you.
This is great on so many levels. First it is very funny. #3 is great. And #1 is very funny, but in a cooler way.
It is very creative too. I dug the wife angle a lot. Very unique perspective.
And it's a great tribute too. Really. If this isn't picked to be one of the twelve winner's, I'll be flabbergasted.
By the way, I shouldn't have been surprised to see one of your entries here. I've noticed you have been racking up some wins around here (The Quickie for instance). They are all very well deserved wins too, as your writing is superb.
Bob, I tell you, you are different. You even write differently. What do you do to your margins to make the field cropped like that?
It's a good thing too. This is riveting. It pulls you in and carries you along. And it is clear and concise.
And the topic of this interesting. The psychology of you, Susan and her husband makes for interesting reading. I have to admit though, I felt badly for the boys. But that was your intent, wasn't it?
Never boring bob, and often very good. This is no exception.
My favorite part of this contest was on day two when your wonderfully colorful character jakrebs just eked out a place on the list at number 11. The drama of it all.
He is a great character. I hope to see more of him in this continuing saga.
Seriously, I am really liking all the birthday stuff you guys are doing. The contests, the extra gift points for reviewing, and stuff like this, are very cool and a lot of fun.
Hey Duece, your daughter Aralls' portfolio sent me your way.. I'm glad it did.
Really enjoyed this story. Actually I enjoyed it for a few different reasons. Of course, I enjoyed the various encounters you had with snakes, particularly the copperheads. I also enjoyed the farm and country angle of the stories too. You know the hound-dog, the haying, the riding tractors, the fishing...
Two suggestions. Do you mention how poisonious copperheads are.?" If not, you should.
I'm not sure about the positioning of bailing wire and the snake. Was it caught in the wire?
OK, so what I have to know about this piece is - how much of this is true? I even went back to the story in your folder to see if non-fiction or autobiographical were chosen as "descriptors," (or whatever-the-hell-they are-called).
I hope this is true. It's a wonderful story. I liked the characters a lot. Quirky, colorful, interesting. And I see that you chose romance/love as one of your descriptors. That is an accurate label.
Arall, you write well too. Your writing is a smooth, easy read.
Genres. They are called genres, not "descriptors." Some one is really stupid.
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