Overall was a great story. Very Whimsical and cute! I would suggest you go through for some spelling and grammar mistakes, I caught a couple when I read through this and it just polishes the story a little more ! Other than that it was a fun read !
Well Done! It has an almost "rap-like" flow to it that makes it roll off the tongue easily which I liked! My favourite is the last stanza, I think it really gives a hopeful message of having somewhere that you belong in a wide galaxy. Overall it is a short, sweet, and well done poem!
Very creative story! Reminded me of the movie "The Fog" mixed with "Children of Men". I like how it takes a more apocalyptic view at how insects react to being obliterated by pesticide. Suggestion to do a sequel based on those poisoned food stores perhaps? Akin to that of a plague (ie. The Black Death)? Just thinking out loud there. But in short, enjoyed the story! Look forward to reading more. :)
Overall a very good story! I enjoyed the twists you took, especially with the woman actually being another escapee. My only critique would be that some of your sentences would become "and-and" sentences as you tried to describe a lot. Maybe in future break them up a little more, or try and find other ways to describe them without saying "and" too much. Other than that I thoroughly enjoyed it!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jamiem91
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 7:40am on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
