From the first line, this had me hooked. It immediately interests and keeps one reading. I just had to know how this would end, and I am very eager to keep reading. The way it sets up for the rest of the story is very well done and the conclusion leads into the full tale gracefully. Overall, this was very nicely done.
Very well thought out, interesting premise for sure. I would definitely enjoy reading this! However, I couldn't help but notice a few commas where there should have been periods, though that's just my opinion. Nicely done overall!
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