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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jankedyman
Review Requests: OFF
9 Public Reviews Given
9 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I'll read your writing, and dissect it line-for-line adjusting any grammar, flow, spelling, etc. I will also give my general opinion of your piece. I will never insult you and will point out the good and the bad. I am very nit picky so if you don't like that then I suggest you move on. However, I believe I am capable of improving your writing technique, quality and overall style.
I'm good at...
Grammar and English conventions. I also don't shy away from delivering my opinions on your piece, good and bad.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, thriller, mystery, historical fiction, dystopian
Least Favorite Genres
erotica
I will not review...
Erotica
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Thicket  Open in new Window.
Review by Ethan Wolverton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Overall, I enjoyed the first chapter of your (hopefully) future novel. There were no grammar mistakes I noticed. I don't want to accuse you of anything, however, parts of this do feel like they were written with ChatGPT, the extensive use of em dashes and the consistent listing of threes. Also, there are places that don't feel like ChatGPT, which are wonderfully unique. Sounding like ChatGPT is also a warning sign that it feels generic, which it kinda does. I'm not particularly invested in this character, Bethany. She feels like a generic bullied girl, what makes her unique? What separates her from the millions of girls who are obsessed with boys? The thousands that are bullied and self harm? Distinguishing Bethany can be the difference between make or break, especially considering she's the main character. Also, the 'voices' can easily lead into something goofy like 'Jeff the Killer' if you know what that is. That's something you certainly want to avoid. There is definitely some growth to be made, but right now, it's good. I would say it's good. But it can be awesome if you add more of you into the novel.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
Review by Ethan Wolverton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow this was spectacular! I started reading and was like meh, but I decided to keep reading and man am I glad I did! The split seconds was beautifully described in multiple paragraphs, and very well at that! This is like those scenarios we create saying "I would totally sacrifice myself," But would you? James had to make that choice and he did sacrifice himself only to be met not with congratulation, but with manipulation. That little twist right there on the end was spot on! I thoroughly enjoyed this and can find nothing to comment on to improve it! Good job! Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review of Silences  Open in new Window.
Review by Ethan Wolverton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
The writing is fun, and the point of view from a child is interesting. However, there are a few parts that broke the immersion, some parts because children just don't think that rationally, regarding the win/win situation portion. Also, the 'climax' of the story, the part where there's the figure is so fast, out of the blue, and vague that it confused me and I had to reread several times. I would suggest describing the figure a bit even if it's just as 'a void' or 'a mass of writhing shadows' just to make it a hair longer. Maybe give it a bit of set up saying the lights are flickering or something along those lines.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
Review by Ethan Wolverton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
I appreciate the message. However, are you just retelling a story? If so I would frame this very differently, because it kinda feels like I'm talking to you and you're just telling me about this. If so then that's fine. I did enjoy the piece though, I could feel the emotions from Lu. I love the message though! Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
5
5
Review of Shore  Open in new Window.
Review by Ethan Wolverton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like your vivid imagery you use to paint a picture. The themes you've present strike clearly and true throughout this piece. It's wonderfully hopefully tragic in a way. Great piece! Keep Writing!
6
6
Review by Ethan Wolverton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm not religious, but I enjoyed this! I'm a huge fan of any kind of writing, doesn't matter how it leans, and this is an example. It was short and sweet but that's all it really needed to be. The biblical tone and imagery help the piece move along authentically. Overall, great piece! Good job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
7
7
Review by Ethan Wolverton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
You have an incredible writing style! Your prose, vocabulary and imagery coalesce into a poetic piece. However, I really struggled to follow along, I don't know if it's because I'm unaware of the fandom or no, but if it is, consider making it so others not of the fandom can understand and follow what happens. If it isn't, consider starting the time jumps with what character is being focused on. The omniscient narrator seems to fit this kind of story which is good. You haven't done what a lot of fantasy tends to do and lore dumped yet which is very difficult if the rules of this world are different. Overall, good piece, very entertaining! Good job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
Review by Ethan Wolverton Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Frankly, when I first saw this I was like, "Great, a wall of text to read," But then I read it. It was surprisingly entertaining and relatable. I'm a lot like you when I start something it's so easy for me to drop it for something else (Just ask all my unfinished books). I've started things I thought I enjoyed, but I didn't. For me, I struggle to get invested in my own characters, I intend to give them 3 dimensions but they just stay flat. I decided to start writing romance where the character development is forefront and it's helped me stay engaged. So maybe you can try something like that! Anyways, this was a very fun rant, I enjoyed reading it. Thanks!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jankedyman