Hello! I wanted to say I really did enjoy this piece. It grabbed me from the beginning and kept me reading. The tale isn't a new one, but you have done it in a way that makes the reader want to keep going. Your characters shine through and I feel as if I know them by the time I am done reading.
I might have to kill my computer. I did grammatical reviewing for you and it deleted it all. Mostly, look for run-on sentences. You have a lot of areas where you use commas and instead can make separate sentences. Or you can use semi-colons or colons.
Sometimes you also switch tense in mid-sentence; such as the character 'felt' and then 'feels'. As a reader I know it jarred me from the flow of the story.
This story held my interest until the very end. I really enjoyed it. I like how you ended with the second characters POV. I think it made for a perfect ending.
This is wonderful. I'm not very adept at reviewing poetry, but I am a huge proponent for speaking out on mental illness. I love how you start with the feeling we all have, of the shame and fear, of hiding it. And then the discovery of the freedom of sharing it until there is a sense of confidence and the ability to be proud in who you are because you aren't your illness. Thanks for sharing and for conveying all that in one awesome poem!
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