I like poems that take simple ideas and dwell on them. You have made something so insignificant become a lesson life. You have created the perfect tone with perfectly placed mood. wonderfully written. It's so easy for poems to become a wandering mess of words for the writers own indulgence. Yours was disciplined without being rigid. Light and still a little sad. Brilliant.
So nice and not trite. I liked the rhythm of the words and the subtle undertone that lies beneath. I would play around with the beat. I felt there were too many pauses, in my mind it's a fluid thought indeed. The metaphor perfectly fulfilled its purpose. Succinct and to the point. Nice.
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