I actually really like this one... I like how clever you are with the dialog with the character West and also how descriptive of the setting you are. If I were a thief I would and if it were a book I would buy it. You got some skills, thats for sure. I especially liked the part where you wrote about the lance going into that guys neck. Beautifully graphic.
I cant find any errors...
Your new fan,
Jason
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