I do not usually read stories in first-person, but your description really drew me into the story. The pace of the story was really well timed. I also felt the tension build through the character, thus through myself. I will be looking forward to more from you. I only gave a 4.5 rating because there were a couple passive hiccups, but nothing glaring. Very well written, good job!
I am not a huge fan of sexual harassment/assault, but let us put that aside as fictional meandering. The description of the unknown woman is vivid, but the story is riddled with passive sentences. One of the things I have learned over the years, is to limit words such as, "was, had, have, that, were". I think your story will take on a breath of fresh air if you go through and eliminate each of those words. It will force you to be more descriptive.
I hope you find this helpful. I am trying to provide constructive criticism so you may improve your story.
I am sorry for the brief review I gave previously. I really enjoyed the theme of this story very much. I think as we discussed on the phone; I think if you were to make the death of the Mother unknown to all of the characters would make for a more dramatic and fluid story-line.
For example: If the Mother arrived to her daughter's home from out of town to surprise the daughter. She makes her observations of the home, cleans the house, and when the daughter arrives home upset,the Mother cannot seem to console her. When the daughter wakes up in the morning, she sees everything clean and coffee brewing. Thinking it is her boyfriend trying to surprise her by cleaning up she calls out to him. Her search for her boyfriend is interrupted by a phone-call by the local police asking for her to come to the station to identify whom they think may be her mother. At that moment, a cup full of coffee slides on its own across the kitchen counter towards her.
I hope this was helpful. I really do like your writing style. This is just my opinion.
Hey Robert,
I know we discussed this story already, so I will keep this brief. If you implement the ending we spoke about on the phone, then I think it will put the nail in the coffin (So to speak).
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