Great story. More detail at the end would have been preferred thought. I wanted to know how Rancor knew Meghan was coming that night. And why she suddenly disappeared. Also why the king the king was going to the servant's quarters.
Everything else was just as a fairy tale should be.
Well, written. You did a great job of immediately grabbing the readers attention and keeping it. I wish it were longer as it seems more a prelude to bigger and better things than a story in and of itself. Other than that the only thing that I'd look at is the names. Any name that is difficult to pronounce or you have to stumble through it everytime you do pronounce it, even in your head, like Avdonina draws focus away from the story and onto getting that name said correctly. Nick names are great in these cases, when the name is more than a mouthful. Or, if the name really is a piece of cake to get through and people like me are just pronouncing it incorrectly then having it spelled phonetically would be beneficial.
Anyway, the fact that all I found to constructively criticize was a name says that the story was fabu.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jatoya
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 8:45am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
