Plot and/or Theme:
This is something we can all relate to even if not exactly.
Style and/or Rhythym:
No problems.
Areas for Improvement:
Try finding the words which are weak and replace them with stronger ones, words that show how much pain you felt when he stepped off the porch to leave.
My Overall Thoughts:
This was good. If you're just starting to write poetry I think you'll do fine.
I found this on the 'Items Seeking Detailed Reviews' page. Your request asked for comments on the emotions felt. I thought it was very well done, but for the ending. I liked reading about your pure love of the outdoors, but the piece seemed to turn angry at the end. It was too abrupt a change.
Spelling and Grammar:You feel electricity run up and down your spin when their hands touch Spine. And you have a pronoun-reference error here. Don't go from you to their.
My thoughts on plot and structure:I think this could benefit from some paragraphs. It's written like one continuous though. I think of love as a slow, meandering thing, like walking through the park on a spring day. That may just be my preference, but with no interuption, this reads more like a frantic pursuit than a leisurely walk.
My overall impression:
I like the idea for this, but I felt like it hurried me through it, when i wanted to take my time.
Your style and rythym:I like that you don't write every poem in the same format. There's a variety which makes each one new and different.
My overall impression:
I read this hoping to find out more about your diagnosis. It was well done, full of the pain of recovery, the fear of your life being out of your control. Good job.
I found this on the 'Items Seeking Detailed Reviews' page. I'm not an avid reader of poetry, nor a spiritual person, so you had two strikes against you when I read this poem. I must tell you that I really liked it though, in spite my myself--my favorite line, by the way. Good job.
This was very good. I felt like the characters were real and believable. You have a nice quick story line and I didn't lose interest once. Horror's not typically my genre of chouce, but this was very well done. Good job. I couldn't find anything that needed correcting.
I found this on the 'Items Seeking Detailed Reviews' page. In your request you asked for comments on the style. I'd like to recommend two books for you to read. The Art of Styling Sentances, by Longknife and Sullivan, and Self-Editing for Fiction Writers, by Browne and King. Both of these books can help you add some variaty to your sentence structure and avoid the repetitive sentence size and rhythem. I found a few tyops which I pasted below.
One of his brothers was taken by this bearded fiend and was never seen agian. Again.
Panting as he exits the far side of the alley Tom finally sees a place that he reconizes. You have a tense shift here.
The owner pats him on the herad and says" Don't worry, Head, and put a comma after says.
Wow. This was good. A black man struggling to be white, finds a girl who turns out to be black and he can't stand the thought of being with someone so vile. It's a disgusting form of self-loathing that is more common than people think. It reminds me, though vaguely, of a book I recently read by Philip Roth, called The Human Stain. If you've not read it, I highly recommend it. Good job on this, I really enjoyed it. It made me think.
I found this on the 'Items Seeking Detailed Reivews' page. I found some errors which I've posted below.
“Oh My gosh Mama! No need to capitalize my.
I spite it off of my face and shake my head. Spit.
After all, he has to think that I’m here to make him happy, not visa versa. Vice versa.
definitely a monster to be observed and discussed among them selves during cat committee meetings. Themselves.
I liked this tribute to being a cat lover. I myself have a cat who is my best friend. We have a way of communicating that is beyond words. Good job on this, and I look forward to reading more of your work.
(indent)This was very interesting. A very good description of how the positive aspects of invention and creativity can work in harmony with the sometimes negative aspects of egotism and pride to create positive change in the world through quailty creation and attention to detail. I'm a perfectionist, especially when writing. Good job putting this into a new set of words for me to ponder.
What a great story of a group of strangers coming together for a common cause. I'm glad things worked out with the song and it's touching to know little Meghan's memory will live on and her short life had such a profound impact.
My only bit of constructive advice is to double space between your paragraphs, it opens up the text making it easier to read.
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