Title: I think you have the perfect title for your poem. :)
My Favorite Lines: My favorite lines in your poem were,
" For her love was unconditional and very true.
Every day my love for her grew stronger too."
" So little baby rest in your heavenly sleep.
I'll joined you someday Prissy my sweet.."
Grammar/ Word Choice: Overall I think you have great grammar and word choice within this poem. There were, however a few little areas in the poem that I wanted to point out that could be improved. The first one is in the very begining of the poem, I notice you tend to have the rhyme scheme of AABB CCDD and so on.
In the two lines, "When it's time to put down your best friend.
A special part of you love goes with them." I found myself having to re read these lines more then once and the word, "them" at the end seemed to slightly disrupt the main flow of the poem.
Following the same lines, the last two lines in the poem don't flow as easily as the rest of the poem as well.
"So little baby rest in your heavenly sleep.
I'll joined you someday Prissy my sweet.."
The last suggestion I had was the grammar tense change you have in the last stanza of your poem. The first line says, "I wish you was here walking by my side." I think you were meaning, "I wish you were here walking by my side."
Other Comments I think you have a great poem here that I really enjoyed reading. I know what it's like to personally loose a best friend that has had to be put down and I know it can be really hard to loose a best friend. I'm very sorry for your loss.
First Impression: My first impression of this poem is that whoever was in your life that you cared about, you can't go on without them. But instead of just the words making sense and this poem feeling like another one of those sappy romance poems, this poem really seems to strike a cord within me. You really can't go on, physically or emotionally, without this person. To be able to express that feeling and emotion in a poem so well, is amazing.
Title: I think the title fits perfectly with the feelings and emotions being expressed in the poem.
My Favorite Part: I think on such a sad and emotional poem as this one, it's really difficult to come up with a favorite part of the poem. But if I would have to choose a section of the poem that was my favorite, it would be the lines that said,
"Time hasn’t altered what I feel for you
For you were the heart of everything that I do"
These lines here are just breathtaking because I'm sure so many people would be able to relate to them. That even though time has passed, nothing would have changed between the both of you. I think these two lines are very sweet, and are by far my favorite in the entire poem.
Suggestions:I think the poem's great, and while I was reading through your poem, I noticed a few points in your poem that could possibly be worded a little differently to have a little better flow with the rest of the poem. The lines,
"Why is life so hard to bear now that you are gone,
and emptiness and loneliness preventing me from going on?"
work well together but I can't help but think that the second line is a little too long. I'm not sure if it makes too much of a difference, but I think because the second line is so much longer then the line before it, it seems to disrupt the natural flow of those verses.
The other few lines I noticed were these,
"So though I may not want to admit it, I guess the heart goes on nonetheless
Even when its been badly battered and put to such a grieving test"
On these lines, I'm not quite sure what didn't quite seem to fit. I figured I'd point it out just in case. I think the the words "nonetheless" and "grieving test" might be a little bit of a stretch to call them rhyming, but other then that I think I really genuinely loved your poem you have here.
Other Comments: My only other comments on this poem would be that you did a great job writing this poem and putting it together. I can really feel the nice emotions that you have included in this poem, and are easily able to relate this poem to my own life as well. Great job on this poem, I'm looking forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
The first thing I want to make sure I point out is the fact that you have an amazing title to your poem here. I loved it, I really did. The title draws you in and makes you instantly curious about the poem itself, which can be a great attention grabber. But this poem is such beautifully crafted and put together, I really think it's just great. You do a special thing with this poem, allowing the poem to tell a story all the while, the poem rhymes as well. I think that was a really nice touch and I could imagine the entire conversation between her and her mother. I think it's sad because too many people can fall into that trap of being abused because they continue to justify it. I think you did a good job of telling the story and pulling on some heart strings. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future, Great Job!
Aww this is such a good poem! :) I'm so happy I came across this poem on the Review Request Page. I decided to open your poem because I am going through something really similar at the moment and decided to take a look and see if your poem was something I could relate to. It seems to me like you are a lot closer with this person then I am with the guy in my life I have feelings for, but the main idea is the same. You are best friends with someone and you don't know if there is anything more between you both. This is such a powerful question, and one that needs an answer. I think you did such a great job asking this question in the form of a poem. Here is my favorite part of your poem,
"How not to love him when he is so kind?
Even as a friend, he’s the best one you can find.
And when you need him the most, he’ll always be there -
How better can he prove that he really does care…?"
Great job on this poem, I am looking forward to reading more of your work! Keep on Writing!
The first thing I want to say about this piece of work is that I'm crying. Like really just sitting here with tears falling from my eyes. It is rare that a piece of work touches me as much as yours has here. There is really something about this that speaks to the heart of everyone who has ever lost someone special in their lifetime. There was something in depth and personal about going through some of the grieving process with you in this story. The shock, the denial, and then finally when you get to the point of being able to finally being able to realize that he is gone, but will forever be missed. The feelings and emotions expressed in this story are up close and personal but are also extremely well done. Thank you for giving me the chance to review your work, I think you did an excellent job expressing the emotions of the experience and I can't wait to read more of your work. Keep writing!
Thanks for giving me the chance to review this poem of yours! Oh, and welcome to Writing.com! I'm new here too, but I'm sure you'll find your way around quickly, this is a nice place. I have to say, this poem has really, really, really shocked me. You said you were only 13 years old when you wrote this? That's rather shocking, and you must have a lot of talent for poetry. Deffinitley keep writing, and don't stop, you have a true gift for poetry!
My only suggestion on this poem, if you ever thought about fixing up the poem a little, would be to try to make the lines,
"I will never let you go
Only if you really want to
But until you change your mind
For you there's nothing i won't do"
flow a little better. But that's completley up to you. One way or another, I think this poem is beautiful and you are a very gifted poet. Keep writing, and I can't wait to read and review more of your work in the future!
~ JesusLovinGal
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