A good piece. The rhyming words fit together well and added to easy flow of the stanzas. You propagated a good message through a good plot. Sadly, religion has been the cause of many wars throughout history whether it was the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, Reformation, or the war between the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland. Only through education and promoting peace between religious beliefs can we overcome the radicalization of religious factions like Muslims and how they are affecting Middle Eastern countries and spilling over into Europe, Africa, and the U.S. Good plot, good information, and a brave attempt.
I just read another article on the Paris meeting between Iranians and both European nations and the U.S. Although yours included different facts, it was equally well written, factual, and comprehensive in content. The use of factual information is a requirement of any article. For those who do not understand the depth of the global threat by Iran's rigid fundamentalist government, this article would be a good start. Very education and well written. Kudos.
Good use of facts to explain things from a political point of view. Backed up with names and titles to make it apparent that this was a factual and journalistic account. For those who do not know anything about the hidden nuclear program that Iran has been secretly building, your article is very informative, clear, and concise. It is also educational. This was well written and even I learned a lot from it. Well done.
Beautiful command of rhyme, the rhymes in each line fit and worked well. The flow of the poem was nice and each stanza flowed into the other perfectly. Good plot and setting, some who write poetry do not truly understand how plat and setting works in a poem. The honesty about how easily our government forgets the sacrifice made by our citizens who go to war at their behest, or through the draft, was poignant. Outstanding.
A brilliant piece of work. The description of the protagonist, Herbert T. Jansson, created a complete picture of the gentlemen, not only in his looks but in his mannerisms, his personality, behavior, etc. After reading the piece I felt I myself, had known the man. The little girl in the story tied all the pieces together. You did an excellent job of using setting and plot as an engine for the story to take place in. I commend you.
To get more involved advocating for children/families.
To write at least 100 words every day
To continue to look for the best in everything and everyone.
This was a well written piece, The plot and the story were succinct, well thought out, with an excellent flow from beginning to end. The question posed "why do we do it" was answered in a an emotionally laden goodbye scene, that captured the essence of the story.
You did an amazing job of making this piece similar to a Lovecraft story. About ten years ago I saw two movies based on Lovecraft stories with Jeffry Combs in the leading role (he was great), and it inspired me to buy three paperback books of Lovecraft tales. He was one of a kind and you captured the same mood, the same type of creature as from "beyond the veil of time and space" as Lovecraft wrote. Great protagonist, plot, and setting.
This was very informative, gave me some great ideas on exposing my work to others, and as a newbie helped with some of my confusion. Just as many others have probably written in the past, I can use any help I can get. I actually have a quote from Ghandi as an email signature, but never thought of using an email signature to promote my work. Thanks so much.
The rhyming words fit together nicely and each line flows into the other with ease. I can also relate to those feelings. My son, now 24, had a serious hearing/speech problem until he had mastoid surgery of his right ear with reconstruction of the ear drum and stirrup in the summer following the third grade. He was bullied incessantly and made fun of because of his speech which did not improve until after dental surgery in the sixth grade. Living in a town of app. 46,000, the bullying continued into high school and my son, by then, was painfully shy because he never knew what his peers might say if he exerted himself. You captured the experience of shyness and all the feelings that accomplish it. Well done.
I liked your approach to talking about wayward thoughts. And indeed, our thoughts can sometimes shanghai us and as you so eloquently called them abhorrent thieves, and how they can cause us to lose sleep. I especially like the way you compared those thoughts to criminals and the use of an actual prison to have them sent. Nice piece
It is obvious by your words, the emotion generated by the smells, sights, and memories contained in the wooden pieces created by your father, that you understood him well, and loved him unconditionally. It is those memories, along with the emotions and senses they evoke, that not only invade every aspect of your life, both past and present, but are also evident in the beautifully written essay that captured the very essence of a man, but of his legacy. Very well written.
This was funny. I guess you never know who you'll have the fortune, or perhaps mis-fortune to end up with as a neighbor. I found this one a little more difficult to read with its layout. Personally, I think it would have read better if the conversation was incorporated into the paragraph and/or justified clear to the left. Otherwise, I think it was well written and plain old good fun. We all need a little laughter. Good job.
Your story was emotional, honest, and a beautiful rendering of encroaching death. The conversation between protagonists was eloquently written and made me feel I was actually there in the room. This was an excellent piece and I congratulate you wholeheartedly. I actually felt my eyes tear up, partly because I've been there and experienced a similar event and the impact it had on the family at the time.
My father had several small strokes which had gone unnoticed and years of smoking unfiltered Pall Mall cigarettes along with fumes from welding rods, acetylene gas inhaled through 30 years as a welder all contributed to his lungs being longer capable of functioning on their own. His insisted on being kept alive until after the New Year so that the grandchildren, children, and my mother would not have to grieve over the holidays. There was the same struggle for us to accept, understand, and agree with his decision to have the respirator removed on the 19th of January, 1995. For example, one brother who chooses to believe Science over God, a half brother who was so angry with my father for what he called giving up that he didn't come to the hospital on the last day, and my mother whose faith was so strong that she accepted the inevitable and told him she'd see him again one day.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jerder
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 1:04pm on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
