As the only living heir, the main character, Jason, inherits everything his creepy uncle owns, including a fully furnished house. Upon cleaning it, his wife runs across a photo album that shows just how sick his uncle really is and from there the author moves this story into a new realm of horror.
I have noticed a tendancy for some authors to be vague in their descriptions, either an attempt to not gross the reader out too much or no imagination, or perhaps lack of a stomach for writing such things, pennywise has no such problem. The image of an eyeball being sucked from the victims head and being floated around in a vacume cleaner and then later purged and flung against another victim was vivid and well written.
The ending, which I won't give away, was also very well written. I enjoyed every part of this story. Thank you for sharing.
I like the idea of a pirate story where the pirate is a woman, however, I think the pace needs to be picked up a bit. There seems to be too much time spent setting the back story up. That is just my opinion of course, but I think it may cause you to lose some readers before you really get the story going.
I like the idea that her father became a pirate to liberate people from slave traders. I think that adds an interesting twist to the story. I think if you pick up the pace, you should continue with the story. It should make for a very entertaining read.
There is nothing more tragic than when someone ends their own life and the questions those left behind have as to whether or not they could have done something. This poem captures those questions and more.
Children have such amazing imaginations, something I am reminded of everyday by my six year old. Your daughter obviously not only has imagination, but talent as well. This is a delightful poem that I intend to share with my daughter. Thank you for sharing this with us,
This poem is fun to read and I am sure children would love having it read to them and reading it themselves. The flow and rhyme is mostly consistant and has all the qualities a child would love.
There are a few places where I thought the meter was off a bit, but that is just my opinion and you may want it exactly as is..after all it is your work. But if I could suggest:
She dresses all the trees in green,
She gives the grass its dew,
But she's not finished quite just yet But she's not quite finished yet
She's still got much to do.
She put the moon up in the sky
Where the sun could make it glow,
Then she use usedits magnetism
To make the rivers flow.
The stars up in the heavens,
She painted them so bold,
They've inspired every poet
And every story ever told. And every story told
This is just my opinion thyough. Thank you so much for sharing it.
This article about child abuse/rape doesn't state whether it is fiction or non fiction, but the plain fact is, child abuse does happen and in my opinion, is unforgivable.
The author of this article writes from the point of view of an adult who had been viloted by a trusted family member and is being pressured to forgive said family. He speaks of the legal system and the lack of help and the valid fear that the family member will do it again to someone else.
This was a really well written piece about an extremely difficult situation. Thank you for sharing it with us.
This is a story about a country singer who is mourning a lost love. As he thinks about her and wonders about the way things might have been, he writes the words to a new song.
The song is beautiful and this story is very well written. I enjoyed reading it and have no suggestions for improvement.
I enjoyed reading this story about a careless prince and a lost key. The characters are entertaining and the plot keeps the readers interest. I think young children will enjoy this story and the message about being responsible.
There are grammatical errors throughout, but I get the immpression from the way the sentences are structured that the author isn't American or English, so that would explain the error.
The first thing I noticed when I read this poem is that the meter is off. A poem, when read,, should flow smoothly, allowing the reader to get into a rhythm.
This is them syllable count you have for each line of your poem.
10/8/11/8
10/12/8/8
7/6/9/10
612/11
For the most part, the rhyme is good, but towards the middle you stray, leaving one verse that does not rhyme. Perhaps that is because the peom is short one line to make all the line rhyme. Occasionally I have a poem that works out that way, haveing said all that needs to be said, and I will then have 3 lines that rhyme to keep with the rhythm. That seems to work for me, but may not for you.
I do love the meaning of the poem. To be welcomed home to Heaven is something anyone would love. I think if you work out the meter and get the rhythm right, you would have a truely wonderful poem.
Another suggestion I would have, and this is jsut my opinion and I have found not everyone agrees with me on this, but I would capitalize words like His and Masters when refering to God. I was taught that that was the proper way to do it when talking about our Creator,
This poem, written in Scottish brogue, transports the reader back in time to battles long past. For anyone that loves history or has ever seen Braveheart, this poem is a must read. Borrowing the first line, Cry havoc now, me hearties, and let slip the dogs of war from Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, Geoffrey St.Alban continues with a poem that stirrs emotions and would motivate any Scottish warrior to action.
My favorite stanza is:
Cry anguish now, ye orphaned whelps, for what ye all have lost.
The right to live unfettered dinna come without a cost.
So best ye throw yer shoulders back and never wonder twice,
If what yer fathers built here is befittin' of the price.
Even though the poem is written about days long past, those times are not forgotten. Today, as then, freedom comes with a price.
This story of winter in Maine brought back lots of childhood memories for me, Maine winters must not be too diffwerent from Ohio winters. I didn't see anything that needed to be improved but there was plenty to make me laugh and give me fond rememberances.
I spent the third grade in three different states; I'm not sure I learned a lot that year. I found this funny. I can't imagine moving that many times in 1 yea.
One can like the cold quite well by watching the snow swirl, and listening to the wind howl outside, while sitting in front of a warm, roaring fire inside.
My favorite part of winter,
Of course, some of that time was used to make the coolest snow fort ever. It fit three boys quite easily. We each had a place for a soda (ice cold, of course), a small quantity of perfectly formed snowballs, and a built-in seat.
This really brought back memories. I on't know why, but there's just something magical about building a fort and sitting in it with a bunch of snowballs, no matter how cold out it is.
Beware those who presume to be more than they are. That would be the warning of this tale where the lower class are stuck, apparantly by law, and changing tax brackets is a crime. Fawn Roberts appears to be an ordinary psychiatrist, at first, but from the moment 2 orderlies burst into her office and carry off her patients, one by one, it becomes apparant that she is anything but the average doctor.
Thie story is entertaining with characters that hold your interest throughout. From the beginning I was caught up, wondering who this doctor was and why her patients were treated so harshly. I enjoyed reading it.
You have a geeo start here with the first chapter and I am looking forward to reading more. You put a lot of detail in, giving the reader a good look at who the characters are and the scene they are in. The twist at the end was an unexpected surprise. I only found one error, and it may be that you meant to write it that way, so feel free to ignore if you want.
Sure, you couldn't believe a word those women said, but it was an honest form dishonesty. Should it read an honest formofdishonesty?
Again, thank you for sharing this and I look forward to reading more.
A well written poem about an extremely difficult subject, rape. The author successfully compares the victim and the attacker with a rabbit and wolf, comparing the assault to an attack by a wolf.
The sentences: With her jugular exposed, he sees his only chance.
The beast lunges forward, No need to enhance
paints a vivid picture in the mind. The author is correct, there is no need to enhance. The horror the girl would feel is very aptly portrayed.
Not only do you get a story about a family gatthering and the storm that left them snowed in, but you get a recipe to boot. I love pumpkin bread and will be sure to try the recipe out. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story.
My only suggestion is that perhaps it could be a bit longer with more detail. I've been snowed in before and know that when you get a large group together, especially family, there are stories and memories that will be told throughout the night. Those all would help in recreating this family legend.
Again, thank you for sharing this, I will be sure to let you know how the bread turns out.
I have always enjoyed good horror, so when I ran across this story in the Horror newsletter I knew I would be in for a good read. W.D. Wilcox has a way of describing characters and events in such a vivid way and the image of the he gives the reader of the hat is written in such a way that you can imagine all the horror in your mind.
This story puts me in mind of old horror movies that didn't need all the budget todays movies need or all the blood that todays viewers seem to need. Think Alfred Hitchcock or Vincent Price.
I have no suggestions for improvement, as I can't imagine it being written any better.
While I don't quite agree with everything that is written here, it is obviously written with conjviction and belief. And it is true, obesity does lead to a multittude of health problems. But then again, so does societies obsession with making people thin. Anorexia and bulemia are two very serious eating disorders that are affecting teens at a rapid growth. Models are starving themselves and many women these days, look more like boys. But you don;t promote that. Not directly anyway, recomending vitamins and a good diet and exercise program. But with just these 3 paragraphs:
Reality TV presents "Looking Good Naked", a program showing considerably overweight women exposing their nakedness with the detrimental message "love your body". Love who you are!
Are you kidding me?
What a terrible message. No one should be happy or satisfied with being overweight, unless of course you suffer from some medical malady, then you can't help it.
You make it seem as though everyone who is overweight should be ashamed and hidden from view. Perhaps that is not your intent, but it is the intent I got.
If you like to be horrified when you read, if you want to be scared when you turn off the lights, then this is the folder to check out. {user:vamp_cat has such a wicked imagination, You are sure to enjoy the stories you find in here.
Tears came to my eyes asa I read this. I think you did a beautiful job telling the story of a daughter visiting a mother with alzheimers. I have no suggestions for improvement, because I can't see how it could ahve been told any better. I love the last few lines. Just because her mother doesn't remember her anymore doesn't mean she can't enjoy her visits.
This is a wonderful poem that depicts how cruel life can be for an animal to be caged. I have always felt that an animal as magnificent as a tiger should be allowed to be in its natural habitat and this poem shows how when caged the animal will try to win back his freedom. Thank you for sharing this.
Oh, that is too funny! I don't know what it is about embarassing stories, but we all have one and we all enjoy hearing one. . .as long as it's not about yours truely. Thank you for being brave enough to share this and for giving me an enjoyable read.
This story about a young orphan boy takes you into the heart of Jeremy, who longs to be adopted. Written from his view point the reader is allowed to feel the longingJeremy has for a family and the worry he feels that he will never find one. Readers will find themselves rooting for him as he does all that he can to present himself to a potential new mother.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and can find no room for improvement.
It is sometimes hard to remember, with all that is going on in our lives, that God is here, watching and caring and helping us along the way. But He is and this devotional is just the reminder many of us need. I love the image of the ant and the perspective that puts on our lives. Good luck with getting it published and thank you for sharing this with all of us here.
This poem is about love and all the feelings one experiences with love and especially with new love,
You're the only person on my mind when I awake; I can't wait to hear your voice on the phone.
Sounds so familiar. Who hasn't experienced this at the beginning of new love.
I think the rhyme and rhythm is a bit off, but that can be fixed with just a little work. Also, perhaps a little elaboration in a few areas. (I'm sorry for hurting you the way that I did) leaves the reader wondering how he had been hurt. (I don't want to be that person anymore) what kind of person was that? Love makes us want to strive to be better than we are. How has this experience changed you for the better?
Thank you for sharing this with us. It's not easy putting a poem so filled with emotion out there.
The author of this piece writes of lonliness and dispair and in a few of the lines I feel has captured the essence of depression.
Now...
I walk alone.
I cry alone.
I am alone.
The character feels isolated.
The character pleads to the Dream Catcher
"Keep any fleeting dreams of happiness I may have had, safe for me. Deliver them to me as I slumber, so I have known happiness for a brief moment before the darkness takes me and pushes me off balance."
A perfect examle of how when we can't find happiness in reality we will search for it in our dreams.
Thank you for sharing
Jezri
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Also, perhaps a little elaboration in a few areas. (I'm sorry for hurting you the way that I did) leaves the reader wondering how he had been hurt. (I don't want to be that person anymore) what kind of person was that? Love makes us want to strive to be better than we are. How has this experience changed you for the better?