I absolutely loved this story, it hooks the reader in from the first moment and just keeps on going through to the lovely little twist in the tale. The only criticism I could possibly draw is that the pace slackens somewhat in the middle, as Stan walks towards and reaches his home. It is but a minor niggle, its is an otherwise brilliant story. Love the detail of the world you've created, whilst keeping in grounded in some kind of reality. Good work!
I like the story concept, and its a disturbing image you paint in this dystopia. The imagery us vivid, although the sentences tend to run on an collapse under their own weight. Like the juggernaut in the story, I get the feeling this was written as stream-of-consciousness? As I say, it's a good concept but could do with some editing and polishing.
I really enjoyed this. It teases you with (spoiler alert) the prospect that this man is some mysterious figure with knowledge of the inner workings of the universe. When you spot the con its almost a disappointment, until you realise the final twist. I like the voice and the first person perspective, draws the reader in and makes the ending that much more enjoyable. Good work! The missing half a star is simply because I feel the con could have gone deeper before the reveal, like the target is too easily parted from his cash.
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