This made me think of a time when I was a kid sitting in church, and I started thinking to myself "this place is freaking me out". Not sure why I thought of that but something you said resonated and stirred that memory. I like this.
I love the message of this piece! It's the probably one of the most important anyone can learn and rhythmic scheme of this is great I was enthralled reading it. Here is where my criticism starts the way it's structured like a paragraph I feel takes the reader out of the flow. Perhaps if you structured it more like a traditional poem it would be easier to follow. The content is riveting but the way it's delivered can be better in my opinion. Overall I like this piece and hope to see more from you!
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