This made me think of a time when I was a kid sitting in church, and I started thinking to myself "this place is freaking me out". Not sure why I thought of that but something you said resonated and stirred that memory. I like this.
I love the message of this piece! It's the probably one of the most important anyone can learn and rhythmic scheme of this is great I was enthralled reading it. Here is where my criticism starts the way it's structured like a paragraph I feel takes the reader out of the flow. Perhaps if you structured it more like a traditional poem it would be easier to follow. The content is riveting but the way it's delivered can be better in my opinion. Overall I like this piece and hope to see more from you!
My impression is that this a poem about unrequited love and the powerful feelings of longing for that person and absolute dread when it's not reciprocated and I believe you captured this beautifully. The line "That my love has nowhere to go" CRUSHED me it was good. One criticism that I have is I felt the piece could have ended after the line "Burning so beautiful here for you" the bit after that didn't really seem necessary to me but this doesn't take away from the piece in any way and I see it was part of the pattern of the piece so it works. All together loved it!
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