Sum1's (jim-d) Reviews

Review Requests: ON

3,240 Public Reviews Given

3,288 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.

I'm good at...

I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).

Favorite Genres

Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense

Least Favorite Genres

Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.

Favorite Item Types

Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.

Least Favorite Item Types

I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.

I will not review...

I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.

1

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#4818448

Review of The Sandman

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Ned

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 6^th WDC Anniversary!

Wow, this is some story you've written here. I didn't buy the idea that Kyle was in love with Mara, that's the fodder for her romance novels, not real-life. I loved the flow of this, the plot, just about everything to do with the story. But, I didn't think Mara was so gullible as she turned out to be., However, love can blind you, do those kind of things to you.

You hinted at Mara being aware of the happenings with these line. Mara felt as if she were a character in one of her novels. She told herself she was being foolish. It was crazy to fall in love with a beach bum, but she had and she didn’t care. Yep, love can make you not care about getting too involved. Yeah, experience speaking here.

I hate to say it, but I think Kyle got what he deserved at the end. What the old woman had given Mara was incredible. Too bad it's not really available. Maybe I should thank God it's not available. We would have a lot of people dying on beaches perhaps, and quite a few people being put behind bars.

A very interesting story, a great love story in its own way. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4818319

Review of O'Sullivan's Wharf

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Archie

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 22^nd WDC Anniversary!

I enjoyed your review of O'Sullivan's Wharf. I see you wrote it in 2003, but it's permanently closed now due to a Landlord/Tenant issue. I see it's been replaced by Mack's Barge. I only hope that Mack's Barge offers food that equals O'Sullivan's Wharf.

The reason I looked it up on Google maps is that I have spent a bit of time in the Norfolk area recently. Despite being in the Navy also (Submarine Force), I was never stationed in Norfolk. We have a good friend living in Virginia Beach, so our time has been spent visiting her & her husband.

You tempt me with your brief descriptions of the menu offerings, which is why I checked them out. For a restaurant review, I'd love to have seen more complete descriptions of the items you enjoyed from the menu. Your writing of this is fine, I'd just prefer to see a more description of what you enjoyed, and why you enjoyed it, and recommend it.

You might consider becoming a mystery shopper, or mystery diner. It's something I've considered, now that I'm (newly) retired.

You should write more restaurant reviews and entice everyone to dine there. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4817521

Review of Summer Kiss

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Jody!
Gee, today's your Anniversary and I've already sent you one Anniversary Review, but why not a second? So I thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9^th WDC Anniversary!

Nine years already, and look at all you've accomplished! You make me want to nap with all your energy....

I liked your story, it made me think of times I've had similar night time experiences. Names will be withheld for privacy concerns. Nor will I provide details, it might get messy.

Your ending was special to me. That poor guy seemed to be sweating bullets, it seems he didn't read her body language well. He was probably laughing too hard over the firefly experience. It seems he overthought things, every thing they had going on, and never stopped to read her body language or assess her feelings and attitude. Been there, done that.

The part about the Big and Little Dipper made me chuckle. My wife has trouble with stars and planets. One time she asked about a bright star in the western sky, I told her it was Venus (it was just an educated guess). Turns our I was correct (she checked things on her PC when we got home), and for the umpteenth time she asked me how I knew that. I don't know how to respond to those questions, I just 'know things'. She can run circles around me when it comes to plants or dogs though.

Back to your story. Try as I might, I couldn't find any suggestions about this, other than my personal preference. Using a size 4 font (you may have here because this was easy to read, even for my old eyes, and indenting the first line of a paragraph with the {indent} command using WritingML.

This is a nice romantic story, I'm so glad you shared it!

Sum1

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#4816882

Review of Midnight Chat in a Stranger's Condo

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey DaringBare

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 6^th WDC Anniversary!

I enjoyed reading your story, it flowed well with chat the helped move it along. It was a nice read, but it needs a little writing TLC. Let me explain what I mean.

In your first paragraph you wrote, It was a sight to behold, despite how dark it is outside. It was a sight to behold, is past tense, despite how dark it is outside. is present tense. There are other areas in your story that are replicas of past tense vs present tense. That's the one thing you might focus on, should you decide to edit this.

You might consider using the {indent} command to indent the first line of each paragraph. It just gives your story a more professional look in my opinion. That's my opinion, nothing more.

To me, the ending seemed abrupt and almost forced. It was as if you had written everything you wanted to write and had to end it, but wasn't how. Vela asking Mila for a date was as little 'out there'. They are of two different worlds and probably have little in common. Both seem lonely and need company, but I'm not sure that being with each other is what they need. It's good for your story, but it's not real. Again, that's just my opinion.

This is an interesting story that needs a little bit of attention an editing. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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5

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#4816748

Review of The Passenger

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Jeremy

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 22^nd WDC Anniversary!

Congratulations on the first place win!

I have one thing say before I begin. I wish I could write in the Horror Genre. Sadly, anything I write in that genre ends up sounding like a child's scary story. I'd love to write a horror story as good as this, write something that Shirley Jackson or Stephen King would love to read. Maybe someday, not now.

I award very few, I do mean very few grades of 5.0. This definitely deserves that grade.

If I were to find one thing that I feel needs improving in this, it would be very little. I do feel that your twist involving Marshall's death is a little weak. I know you had a word limit for the contest, but this could be expanded a bit. I'm left wondering why did Marshall jump in front of the Subway train? What was going through his mind, was he depressed over something? Had he planned this long ago? Things like that, a little explanation would answer those questions. Then I'm left with the though, 'Would editing this, explaining things, ruin the whole story?' That's a question that only you can answer. Edit if you choose. I think it's excellent as it is, I just have those questions is all.

An excellent story that has a little twist that I feel few will anticipate. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4816631

Review of Sprocket

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Jody!
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9^th WDC Anniversary!

I found your story to be cute. You had me smiling as I read it. There was one thing I didn't quite grasp completely as the end of the story. You write She pulled out another and began tightening it in its place. Then she emptied her pocket of the sprockets and closed her toolbox, satisfied. Am I correct in thinking that the sprocket she gave Mr. Alexander was not the one that kept her father safe during war?

You did well in writing this, especially being flash fiction and limited to 300 words. I did see one small thing that you may want to consider should you decide to edit this.

1. “Sprocket! I can’t find my googles!” Can't find his Googles?

A very nice Flash Fiction story. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4816474

Review of The Gift of the Himalayas

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Prof Moriarty

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16^th WDC Anniversary!

I loved your story, I've long wanted to visit your magnificent country, at my age (now 71), I don't think I will be able to make it. The closest I've come was on a business trip when I visited Bangkok Thailand. If I ever do get to visit, I'd love to meet you and be shown around the immediate area.

I've read a bit about the Ganges, you've opened my mind to much more about her. Your descriptions of the river were excellent. I think man will be the cause of his own demise, with all the pollution we caused or generate. Your culture is far different from mine here in the United States, I love almost everything about other cultures.

I do have one small suggestion for you about your story. You wrote I paused and pulled in a deep breath because I now stood knee-deep in the consecrated waters of the Ganges, the soul of my nation and the lifeline of four hundred million people who dwell on her banks, a population larger than that of the United States. I realize you were comparing the population that lives on the banks of the Ganges to the United States, and may have been appealing/relating to us. It's just that I don't see what that last portion of your line has to do with your story. If I mat recommend a minor edit to this, I think this would ring more true. I paused and pulled in a deep breath because I now stood knee-deep in the consecrated waters of the Ganges, the soul of my nation and the lifeline of four hundred million people who dwell on her banks.

This is an excellent story, one I wish everyone could read. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4816172

Review of BINGO

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey ridinghhood-p.boutilier

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

This is cute, and I don't mean in a funny way by saying that. It's just a cute story. I too have a confession to make. I hate Bingo also. Well, I don't hate it, but I'm not a real fan. EXCEPT, I was 20 at the time, and met a young girl playing Bingo. We dated for about 2 years, but she wasn't right for me in many ways. Heck, that was 51 years ago! Wow!

I really enjoyed your story, it flowed well and the realistic dialog helped carry it. The arrival of Michael and his mother was excellent, and timely. Since your brief intro described your story as a 'Bingo Romance', I wondered what eventually happened between you and Michael. It's none of my business, so don't fret about it, thinking I'm being nosy.

BTW, I would have loved to share that pitcher of Sangria with you both. I would have ordered a second one too.

I do think your ending is a bit abrupt and should be edited. How? That would be for you to decide. Thank you for this, it was a fun read. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4815981

Review of She Danced With the Prince

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey iluvhorses

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14^th WDC Anniversary!

I have to say that I expected twist at the end. I think it would have ended much better if you had somehow not used Cinderella as a character in your story. I was hoping you would somehow have the Prince and Tansy become a couple. Yes, I know, it's your story, not mine, it should end as you want it to. It's just that the story of Cinderella has been told so many time, I was hoping for a new view. I realize the story is about Tansy, it should have remained that way. That's just my opinion.

There's one thing that stood out to me. Tansy. I realize she's named after the herb Tanacetum vulgare. To also wear it? I have to wonder about that. A quick Google check at (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tansy) made me wonder about the advisability of wearing one as a bouquet, or wearing the flowers in general.

You had a very nice story going here, but it seemed that you didn't know how to end it, or you just took the shortcut to end it with the newcomer being Cinderella. The ending was very abrupt and sudden. Again, just my opinion.

A nice story that I feel could be much stronger with a slightly different point of view. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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10

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#4814976

Review of Theft and Negotiations

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey zrules

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14^th WDC Anniversary!

I will say that I enjoyed your story, I found it pretty entertaining. It does need a bit of editing TLC, but more about that in a minute.

Your story moves at a decent pace, the dialog is very good, it carried the story line well. I liked the fact that two thieves were in the house, each trying to steal a precious gem or two. You confused me though with a couple of lines, I will detail that below. You described the scenes well, I almost felt as if I was there with them. Here is my disconnect with your story.

1, Your refer to one of the thieves as a Peregrine Falcon, yet your descriptions reveal he's a man. I know I'm old, but this can be confusing to anyone.

2. You don't describe the other thief very much, but in one line you write My tail moved to the other side of my body as I shifted my weight awkwardly under his gaze. Yet from your descriptions, he too is a man. Again, a bit of confusion here.

3. Your ending is very weak. Yes, you can move to another chapter so-to-speak, but considering you wrote this 12 years ago, that other chapter may not be forthcoming. You might consider a way to strengthen the ending.

I do have a couple of suggestions about your formatting of this. These are not meant to be a criticism of your story, rather they are suggestions for you to make your story stronger, and attract more readers.

1. Add a space between each paragraph. It really helps a reader to know when the scene is changing. Your first paragraph is rather long, you might consider breaking this into at least 2 paragraphs, If I may suggest where, I think you could add a hard return at this point to start a new paragraph. Blessedly, I didn't find any more resistance inside the house as I worked my way up the floors.

2. Use the {indent} command to indent the first line of each paragraph. Again, it helps your story to appear more professional to readers.

3. Increase the size of your font. I'm using a size 4 font in this review, and use that in about everything I post on WDC. Yeah, my older stuff is still the default font size, so I've 'changed my ways' huh. A big reason is that a lot of members on WDC are older, myself included. Using a size 4 font will help.

Your story is very interesting, it just needs a bit of formatting to make it stronger. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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14 days may be credited.

#4814787

Review of Sideburns

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Lou-Here By His Grace

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

Wow, loved your story!

I think back to being a child and the things we did. I have to confess that we never did anything approaching what your characters intended to do.

This is very well written, I couldn't find any writing errors to comment on. So, I'll just give a personal opinion here.

1. You might consider indenting the first line of each paragraph. It just looks better that way in my opinion.

2. You might also consider making the font larger. I use font 4 for all reviews, and most everything I place on WDC. It just makes it easier to read. For us old folks, that's important.

Overall though, an excellent story. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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12

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#4814315

Review of Misty's Eulogy

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey The Puppet Master

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 5^th WDC Anniversary!

We've all been there, I know I have. I had a cat I named Winkle. I have no idea why that name, but it was his. His mother was killed by a car when she was crossing the road. Her kittens were 10 days old. We bottle fed them, 3 survived. Winkle was mine for about 10 years, until I joined the Navy. While I was in bootcamp, he passed. I don't know details, I only know he passed. Your story brought back wonderful memories of him. How I'd hold him against my chest and he would snuggle/dig his head into my cheek. Wow!

Your story about Misty and how you lost her tugs at the heart strings. I saw Winkle in about every line you wrote. I have been there a couple of years ago when we lost our older Akita (Dog). Yeah, we have dogs, not cats. I would love to have a cat, but I'm not sure how our small Schipperke would treat her. She killed a small tree mouse a few years ago, I'm afraid she would do the same to a cat/kitten. My wife is a dog person, not a cat one, though she has had a cat 20 years or so ago. I've learned to love dogs, but I remain a cat person at heart.

Your story built scenes of you and Misty playing together, sleeping together, and just enjoying each others company. A story meant for Animal Lovers. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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13

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14 days may be credited.

#4813227

Review of The Paper

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Liam

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14^th WDC Anniversary!

I love the storyline here, but really. Thirty Years? What I loved about it is the idea that a paper would have writing appear on it as if by magic. That it was really. Despite loving the idea of your plot, I had a couple of misgivings and thoughts about things. Let me explain.

1. I've already mentioned thirty years. That seems to be an excessive length of time for Charlie to possess the paper. Surely someone else needed help of some kind long before thirty years passed.

2. I loved the fact that the paper guided him in life, essentially being his guardian angel. Well done!

3. Once Charlie came in possession of the paper things became too 'blurry'. What I mean is your descriptions were general in nature, as if you lost sight of the story's goal. I think that maybe Charlie could have given the paper to someone long before thirty years passed, but then maybe the paper makes it back to him for some reason. Maybe he needs guidance of a new sort, some one close to him terribly perhaps? Just a thought that popped in my head.

Overall though, this was a very enjoyable story, one to remember really. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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14

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14 days may be credited.

#4813084

Review of Achromic

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Denine

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15^th WDC Anniversary!

You've written a very interesting story here, one I can really relate to. I love the idea that everyone has a CIRO, something they had at birth, but covered with a clay covering. How cool is that?

You had me at hello with this story, I loved it. Until the end. Or lack thereof. What I mean is, you leave readers hanging with this ending. What if a colorless CIRO is special? Suppose those who have a colorless CIRO have banded together somehow, and discovered that they are superior in many ways to those who have a colored CIRO? Does the color mean anything, or is it random in its choosing? There are so many things you could bring to light here by editing and lengthening this!

Overall it's a good story that could be a lot longer. But as it stands right now, that ending is horrible. Still, I enjoyed it, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

15

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14 days may be credited.

#4812652

Review of My Little Fiat

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey StephBee
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

This is quite the story you have here, I found it amusing, and a little off-track if you will. What do I mean in saying that? Off track in the sense that one minute you're with Wendy, planning the transfer of the car. The next you're telling us about you and Wendy and how you worked to get your license. Except Wendy didn't have one, which makes me ask "Did she ever get her license while in Germany? If not, did you keep the car?"

I could feel the camaraderie you and Wendy shared in Germany. I think only a veteran can truly sense that between you two. Yes, others might sense it too, but they wouldn't understand the way a veteran does. Overall, well written, a bit humorous, a fun read. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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16

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#4812444

Review of What Shall I Write?

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Maryann

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 23^rd WDC Anniversary!

Ah Mr. Theodor Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Suess, what a character he was! I loved this short easy rhymes. They were all excellent to read, easy to understand. Why am I mentioning Dr. Suess in this review? Your cute poem reminds me of him a lot.

This is very cute really, I loved the monorhyme form of this, it was perfect for me after just waking from a nap. I think you should write about that green crocodile, maybe his name is Matt? And that green kitty cat? He might wear a green hat! Oh the f dun you can have with words after all. That's what Dr. Suess did after all. As I like to say, you gotta have fun, huh!

Well done with this monorhyme poem, very well done. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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14 days may be credited.

#4810253

Review of Phone Calls and Conversations

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey elizjohn

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14^th WDC Anniversary! Okay, to be honest, I saw a review of this and had to read it.

What a wonderful story! I hate to say it, but I had it 'figured out' about half way through Joe's part. Still, you kept me riveted, you made me finish it.

In many ways, this reminded me of the awesome Stephen King novel, The Green Mile.
Except there was no phone call. Those parents had the same feelings as Sabrina and Paul. Yep, one family lost a family member (child) long ago, a second family lost a son much later. I'm glad you didn't get into the guilty/not guilty issue, nor did you dwell on how Sabrina's daughter was killed by Cyrus. That was a nice touch.

I really enjoyed the story setting. One phone call to his mother letting her know that Cyrus was dead. The second phone call to Sabrina by her husband letting her know their child's murderer was dead. You hid the thoughts about a last minute reprieve, all indicators about Cyrus being executed quite well. I'm not sure how or when I realized what was really going on. A very sad story really, I bet one similar to this happens all too often. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

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18

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14 days may be credited.

#4809901

Review of The astral collection

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey AnaStar

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 19^th WDC Anniversary!

I find your story very interesting, I just wish it was a bit longer, with more of Amy's journeys. I've often wondered about people's dreams and where they come from. Your story does a good job answering that question.

I loved the idea that Amy found that glass ashtray on a train in Tennessere. You give examples of three items Amy brought back from her Astral travels. This almost implies that Amy does not always travel while sleeping. At the same time, it could mean you only mentioned those three, with more around her room. What you might consider doing, should you edit this, is add a line about there being many more items that Diane has put away. Just a thought. An excellent story, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

19

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#4805906

Review of An Audience of One

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey TheNoMonster

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 23^rd WDC Anniversary!

Y'know, dream sequences are very hard to write about, if you're trying to remember a dream that is. You seem to be doing that in this essay. Yeah, essay because it's all tell, no show. There is no dialog to carry it along, except in the next to last paragraph. I like your idea for this, but it does need some work.

These are my thoughts on this, take them as you will.

1, In this line you say you're packing to return from an extended vacation. I was, somehow, packing to return from an extended vacation and did not have time to search for my dog, but of course had to get him or we would miss our flight, which was a cruise ship with wings, which left from somewhere that I could not recall and I was unsure I even booked the tickets.

a. The first part is okay, but my initial thought was the following. This is one of the best examples of a run-on sentence I've seen in a while. That's not a good thing. It could easily be broken into at last three separate sentences. Here's what I mean. Somehow, I was, packing to return? from an extended vacation. I did not have time to search for my dog, but of course had to get him. If not, we would miss our flight. Our flight was a cruise ship with wings. It left from somewhere, but I did not know where. Plus, I was unsure I even booked the tickets. This breaks it up for you and the reader,

b. If you're returning from an extended vacation, even on a winged Cruise Ship, you must have taken your dog with you. So you're telling the reader that there is a street that suddenly appears near the Cruise Ship. I know this is a dream, but still....

c. This line is confusing. And the audience member was me. It is redundant to these lines. The dreamer awoke with a start. Me. I was the dreamer. You might change this to I was both the audience member, and the performer. Like I mentioned earlier, it is almost impossible to recall a dream, much less write about it. If I may offer a suggestion here. Just remember what you can, if it doesn't make sense in a story, then fictionalize it. Don't make it confusing for everyone, including you.

d. In an early line, you tell us that your dog is white, but is black in your dream. Now you tell us I sat on the floor next to Otto, my macchiato-colored (hence his name) rescue, part shepherd part husky. You really need to differentiate between your dream and waking reality. All you would need to do is add a line before this one about waking in the morning.

Despite my comments above, I enjoyed this. Why? Because I find it interesting to hear about, or read about someone's dreams. My wife has some crazy ones, let me tell you. I'd love to read this again, IF you choose to edit this. Add dialog early on, even if fictional! Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

20

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14 days may be credited.

#4805512

Review of No Need for Magic

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Kyle Curcio

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16^th WDC Anniversary!

I've learned to appreciate Flash Fiction, and having written a couple I understand how difficult it can be to write a good one.

{indent/}In reading this a second time, I'm left with a couple (few?) questions though. But first, my thoughts on this. As Flash Fiction, it's short, very short, but it needs to be. You've done well with this, though it does seem to be a little disjointed. Keep in mind that I'm now considered a Senior Citizen and may have a warped view of things.

1. You mention the Harpies early on, but never really include them beyond that initial mention. I could be wrong, but you seemed to hint at them when you said, All of them now were guilty. All of them would pay. Just prior to that though, you mention Gorgons. This is a bit confusing, at least to me. You seem to want to keep the Harpies in the forefront, but you bring in other creatures most may have never heard of (Gorgons). Keep in mind this is Flash Fiction. Keep it simple without adding numerous characters

2. In the last sentence, Amin pulls a pistol. My disconnect is that I thought your story was based in a time before pistols were a weapon in use.

3. Your brief description says, All of them would pay.... but those in the know. I fail to see how this relates to your story. I do see how the title relates to it via that last line.

Despite my comments above, I enjoyed your story. It's well written and flows nicely, albeit quickly. That's the nature of Flash Fiction though. I'd love to see it lengthened. To me, it seems a little disjointed due to adding the Gorgons, no further mention of the Harpies other than Amin yelling that the Harpies have come initially. Then add in the line, They'd gotten to the boy. What does the boy have to do with this story? There's just a whole lot going on for a Flash Fiction story. Yes, Flash Fiction, but it still needs to be a complete, very short story. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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21

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14 days may be credited.

#4804874

Review of A Child's Story

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Chris/Marvin,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12^th WDC Anniversary!

This is a story with a lot of potential. This would make an excellent horror story, but it does need some help. The biggest issue with your story is there is far too much telling and very little showing. What's the difference? How can you edit this so it 'shows' more?

First a definition of telling: telling in writing is summarizing information quickly. It allows writers to move concisely between varying ideas, acting much like an outline to guide the reader from point A to point B. Showing: Showing involves details that help build on these points, giving the reader more cues for understanding the content.

My suggestions.

1. Add some dialog. It doesn't have to be completely correct or non-fiction. Adding a little dialog to this would help flow smoother and draw a reader in. Show us more, we (readers) want more!

2. Adding dialog will also lengthen this a little, again improving the flow of it. When writing something, ask yourself what the character would say. Then just write it! Be careful though, write the dialog realistically. Too many times I've read a good story, but the dialog in it is stilted, unrealistic.

I guess that's my only real disconnect with this nice story. I'd love to rate it higher than I have, but without dialog I can't. Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

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22

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#4804655

Review of For a Soldier, For a Friend

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Starr

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 23^rd WDC Anniversary!

Being a Veteran myself, I love most anything about Veteran's. This is no exception to that small idea, it's an excellent poem. You've used a consistent rhyme scheme of ABCB throughout that works well in your poem. I Love it.

The meter of it is a little off in places, something I didn't mind. The longest line syllable count wise has 9 syllables, the shortest one has 4, That's a bit off, but the short lines consistently seem to usually be the second line. I found it read nicely as I read it a second time counting the syllables in each line.

There are a few very small words for you to look at and consider, should you ever edit this. Let me show you what I saw.s

1. In poetry, sometimes less is better than more. Here's an example: So with his family, may he be found. You might want to delete the word 'So'. It's not needed, and would make this line a little shorter in syllables,

2. There are a couple of places missing a comma. Put through a spell checker to test this issue. Here's one. And when the fights over Fights should be fight's. As written, fights is plural, as if he's still fighting. With the comma, the word becomes a conjunction, what the line now says is, And when the fight (is) over.

Another line where less is more, and still brings the point home. And he's done it for you and for me. Delete the first word, again it's unnecessary, the line still reads the same. He's done it for you and for me.

You've written an excellent poem that just needs a little Writing TLC to become even better. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

23

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14 days may be credited.

#4804502

Review of Into the Wild Black Yonder

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Davy Kraken

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 23^rd WDC Anniversary!

Hey Davy, I don't normally read, much less review Free Form Poetry anymore Dropping by your port and reading was done on a whim, but I'm certainly glad I chose to drop by. Freeform Poetry is how I initially started writing poetry long ago, but I don't think I was ever really good at it.

I think your poem hits the nail on the head. It's full of your imagination; that's all we have when it comes to Black Holes. There are a lot of Science theories floating around about these things, but that's all they are, Theories. I think you described things well in this, at least as well as we can imagine. This is an excellent poem, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

24

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14 days may be credited.

#4803427

Review of Derailed

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey Gaby,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 19^th WDC Anniversary!

Well shoot, now you have me in a bind. This is an excellent story, but you left me hanging! Was that intentional? I bet it was.

This is either part of a longer story, or meant to be part of one that maybe, you never updated or completed. You leave me with a few questions that I'll get to in a minute.

First though, my comments. Well written with a fast paced flow. I was wondering if your main character was male or female, then you had her talk to herself and I learned her name was Catherine. Everything started so quickly I had to run to catch up. Your plot is tight, it was easy to follow, so let's get to my questions/comments.

1. Who is the man who gave her the package? How did he die. I assume he was killed, so then my question is why, and by who? Why weren't those people around afterwards, or were they those men in the black overcoats?

2. I assume you were under a word count limit since this is 998 words in length. Since it was written about 12 years ago, isn't it time to edit it and build on it?

3. Who were the men in black coats and why did they want the package? Since the package contained pages of code, was it computer code, or something else?

4. Your ending is Horrible, it leaves the reader hanging! That is meant as a compliment too. But this story does need to be completed. It needs a beginning as you know, and a little more filler in the plot before the end. It's an excellent start to things, but man oh man does it need fleshing out.

I do love the ending, but it needs a bit more build-up to it before you get there. An excellent story that needs a little editing TLC and lengthening to make it complete. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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25

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14 days may be credited.

#4800795

Review of Oh Life!

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hey ernest dempsey

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 22^nd WDC Anniversary!

I enjoyed this relatively short poem you've written. I found that last line to be very profound. It can hit you when you read it, as if you are anticipating leaving God's Green Earth, yet starting life anew. I have only two comments about your poem, for your consideration. The comments are not meant to be critical in nature, more of a suggestion/personal preference than anything.

1. Center the poem on the page using WritingML.

2. Include the title of the poem above it, also centered, and maybe with bold text. It would look like this (again, a personal preference)

OH Life!

Too far away is the land of peace
My laughter can't be true
My pending heart and staggering breath
Won't make it I always knew
My dimming eyes weep on and on
What else good they can do
My witty lips but smile still
To keep the tomb of grief askew
Oh life! How long did I pursue
The end of me the start of you

This is your poem though, edit it if you wish. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .