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Review Requests: ON
3,158 Public Reviews Given
3,206 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of I Praey  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hey Mucker,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         I like this, a lot. I love the message in it. It seems to be your mind remembering things, or maybe considering activities completed today. In reading it several times, I have a couple of comments/recommendations for you.

         I've never been one to harp on a certain format for a poem, but I do believe in consistency. Some will say this or that about it, and that it 'must' be written a certain way. The only recommendations/comments (not discrepancies in your writing at all) I have are:

1. Use the WritingML to make the font larger. I use font size 4 in everything here on WDC, as I am now. To do this, highlight the text you want to enlarge, then click the 3 S's that gradually get bigger, and choose your font size. Like I said, I use 4 for just about everything, unless I forget to use it. Let's make a word using Font size 5. How about Mucker? You see it first in size 4, now here's 5. Mucker To show you that, it would be {size:5}Mucker{/size} using WritingML. I highlighted Mucker, then changed the size exactly as you see here.

2. This poem almost screams to use 8 syllables per line, and you've done well doing that. Here is your syllable count by line. 7/8/8/9 and 4/4/8. A couple of very minor edits would help, I will provide examples if that's okay.



I Praey

Past deeds done an there to stay
My bed was made for this sad day
a chance reprieve is what I pray
But A distant voice had this to say

No way, today
It's time to play
A soul like yours
Is what I prey


         Now it's 7/8/8/8, and 4/4/4/4.


3. Again, using WritingML, center the poem on the page as I have done, and add a title.


         These are only suggestions, and not critiques of your writing. I love this poem, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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2
2
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Nomlet,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 19th WDC Anniversary!

         My first comment is this. I think you've mastered the art of writing a twist in a story. I loved the one you have in this one!

         Y'know, this goes on far too often in today's world. I'm not talking about Deb and her planned meeting with the Manager of a Space Division. I'm talking about someone (male or female) leaving a child alone in a store. A store of any type, not necessarily a toy store. The practice of raising your children and caring for them at all times is gone. Dang I sound old! (And I am).

         This is well written. Your dialog carries the story, but your descriptions of Deb & Mandy's actions were very good also. That last line though said an awful lot about Martin. Just from reading that, I'd say he doesn't go by Marty. Only Martin.

         I really enjoyed your story, thank you for sharing!



Sum1


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3
3
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Teresa
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         You know me and my feelings about our Military, here goes a review of this wonderful article about Memorial Day.

         This is very good and I really like it. However, I feel it can be improved. Let's see how I feel it can be edited.

1. The first line seems to read backwards to me. What do I mean? Start with your roots being full of those who have sacrificed for our country. Let's see if I can offer a suggestion. As I sit here thinking of those I have lost; my roots are full of those who have sacrificed for our country. Perhaps this instead? My family roots run deep with many from my family who have sacrificed their lives for our country. (Give an example here!) An example: My Grandfather Russ served in the Army during WWI, he was lost during the battle of Verdun.

2. This is an essay, so dig deep here. Instead ot generalizing terms (The generations of brave souls who fought for our freedom and the way of life we are accustomed to.}, provide specific examples. This allows the writing to be even stronger, drawing a reader in as a participant (perhaps), not just an outsider reading out of boredom.


         I've provided a couple of examples for you, but re-read this, and think about specifics. Instead of two handfuls, provide names and when/where/dates served. If you don't know exact dates, ask for them, or in the essay tell us it's an approximation.


         A nice essay that could be beefed up, thus a much more interesting read if specific examples are provided. Thank you for sharing!


Jim


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4
4
Review of Little Ships  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Hey Jace,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         To act like an Englishman for a moment, "Bloody Hell Jace!" I was fine until the end when Owen returned to the present. It's funny how my eyes can well up with moisture at times.

         I don't give very many 5 star ratings, maybe once a month, if that often. Man, this one packs a wallop, drawing you in as part of the story. I was there with those lads. I could smell that acrid odor and hear those shots and grenades. Well done with everything in this story! I have no suggestions, this was definitely deserving of that first place win in "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Thank you for sharing.


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5
5
Review of Dear Me 2023  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hey GaelicQueen,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         I wrote a Dear Me entry for 2023, I didn't do well because I didn't win. *Smile* That's fine though, at least I was writing!

         What I saw here though, was a lack of detail. I really like your goals, but details are needed. Let me show you an example.

1. 2023 will see me with my backside planted in my chair before the computer to research, read and develop outlines for future projects. This is an excellent goal! However, what projects? Are they novels/novellas? Poems? How many projects? What about a timeline? I know that to make a goal realistic you need a timeline to get things accomplished. So not only do you need a timeline, you need to break that goal down into smaller segments. Why? Because to have a goal of 'finishing the "gerv gj5 snree" novel (Yeah, I used gibberish as an example here) is a broad goal. A good one, but a broad one. So break it down into smaller goals that are more easily attained.

         That would be my comment for every goal you listed. I liked them all, but there wasn't enough detail about any of them.

         I wonder if you wrote a Dear Me entry for 2024. I didn't. Only because work has me swamped right now. Thank you for sharing!




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6
6
Review of What Did He Say?  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey SandraLynn,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         I love comedy stories that are well written, I wasn't disappointed with your story at all. Well, maybe with one small part. It was too short! I guess I'm greedy, I was hoping for more from little Aiden. This is your story though, not mine. I could see him trying to crack that egg though. Wiping it on his shirt is exactly what a little boy would do. If I were to suggest something about this story, it would be more of a formatting thing, nothing about the story.
For some reason I have found myself using a size 4 font in about everything now.

         Also, you might consider double spacing between paragraphs, it makes it look a little better for on line reading.

         A very good short story. Thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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7
7
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hey Mike,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         Y'know Mike, there aren't too many times I read something and all I can think of, is WOW. I had to double-check your genres to see if this was non-fiction. After all, you did use your name throughout. Well done my friend!

         I do not give a 5 star rating very often because I honestly feel everything can be improved. Not this time, I wouldn't change a word. You had me all the way through, I mean I was interested, lost in the world of Mikey, and wondered what was going to happen in his life. The bike incident really got to me, I could see that happening. Then came the twist at the end, you completely floored me with that. So all I can say is, "WOW!" I love it.

         An excellent story that deserves every accolade it gets. Thank you for sharing!



Jim


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8
8
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey L.A.Saxe,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your WDC 2nd Anniversary!

         I know how hard it is to write a good flash fiction story. You've done well in that regard with this story. Your story is easy to follow along for the most part, the dialog between Pickle and Cabbage really carried this. I knew there would be a twist in this, it was just going too smooth. Still, it was nice to read through and find it at the end.

         I know you were under a word limit for this, but I'd love to have read more about their adventures with the snakes. After all, I don't think snakes like pickles or cabbage, so what did they face? If this was a contest this was entered in is over, you might consider lengthening it to flesh it out some, so to speak. It may turn out far more interesting than you imagine. A very nice flash fiction story. Thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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9
9
Review of The chameleons  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey strlcuckoo ,

         Thank you for requesting a review from me, that's always an honor in my book. You didn't say what kind of feedback you're looking for on this poem, and frankly I'll have very little for you. Why? Because I love this! It's a very true statement in a poetic form. We both have probably met people like this, those who want you to live your life in their image. They want you to be a shadow of themselves. I think people like this do it out of vanity With you being just like them, they can see themselves, admire themselves for being so beautiful. Someone like this is a bit Narcissistic if you ask me. Rather than admire themselves, they can admire you. After all, you are them, are you not?

         My only comment on this would be to center the poem on the page, and add the title of it in the body of the poem as well. I realize the title is at the top of the item, but think about it and see what you think. Again, thank you for requesting a review from me, I really appreciate it, and loved reading your poem./size}



Sum1

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10
10
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Sharon,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17th WDC Anniversary!

         I have to say, Cancer is such a horrible disease. It took your husband quickly it seems, which is what frequently happens. One of our close friends lost her husband the same way a little over a year ago. She has not gotten over his loss, nor moved on, yet. I hope you have.

         I read this determined that tears would not come, but they did as I read the second to last paragraph. I firmly believe that we'll never cure the causes of Cancer, mainly for a couple of reasons that I won't go into here. Notice I typed causes, not cause, because it's exactly that, causes. It's different for everyone. We (as a race) fight it, but haven't cured it. Yes, modern medicine has made terrific progress in fighting it, the medicines available are much better at fighting this horrible disease. They only fight the symptoms for the most part, they don't cure you of it. Plus, those medicines are very expensive.

         I loved how you wrote this. Despite being short and brief, you pulled me in to your fight. That second paragraph where you revealed he had Cancer told me he wouldn't live much longer, and was the reason you celebrated Thanksgiving early. While your story centered around the two of you, and rightly so, I would love to have seen a little bit about him telling his children about his disease. They might have suspected something though, since you were celebrating Thanksgiving a month early. The story reads fine as it is, I'm just curious about how he told them, and their reaction. Just a comment here, I'm not saying this is an error on your part.

         A very good short story about a love that was never fully realized due to Cancer. Thank you for sharing!




Sum1


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11
11
Review of St. Patrick's Day  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey Neva,
         I posted immediately after you in "I Write in 2024 and thus have the pleasure of reviewing your post.


         I love writing challenging poetry, I think an Acrostic is one of the most difficult types to write! You did well in writing this, you kept to the St. Patrick theme throughout. After reading the first two lines, I thought it would rhyme throughout, but of course it didn't. There's nothing wrong with that either, I just enjoy rhyming poetry more.

         You did well in describing some of his actions in life, such as running the Devil's snakes out of Ireland, and constructing churches and monasteries. It was an enjoyable read, I did feel it could have been a bit stronger in wording. I'm not sure how, but I'm sure it could. My reason for saying this? The ending. Especially that last line. The ending was very weak in my eyes. It was as if you didn't know what to type next, and just added that line in. I'm not sure how you could have ended it, but that last line just jumps out at me that way. It's a good poem, don't get me wrong. Thank you for sharing!






Sum1

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12
12
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Dear J.R.
         I posted in "I Write in 2024 and have the pleasure of reviewing your post.

         I love Limericks, both the original 'bawdy' ones, and 'clean' ones like we both wrote. I love the rhyme and rhythm of a Limerick, and often wonder why I don't write them more.

         I really enjoyed your Limericks, the subject of each was unique. But, and this is a huge but, Limerick one does not fit the form of a Limerick. Why? A Limerick needs to have a rhyme scheme of AABBA as you know. Your third line ends in did, but the fourth line ends in know. Those two words don't rhyme as you can see. If I may offer a small suggestion about these lines. Change the lines as follows:

When asked what he knew,
He replied, "I haven't a clue".


         Then change the last line as follows: Yet the walk was for the love of Sally.

         This would tie the first two lines with the last line nicely, reminding readers of his walk, and why he did it.


         In your third Limerick, I think the second line could use a small re-wording. Change it from He had too much due to his drool, to this (perhaps) He had too much, it caused him to drool.


         I really enjoyed your Limericks, I feel they could use some small editing TLC. Thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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13
13
Review of Banana Bread  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey Neva,
         I posted in "I Write in 2024 immediately after you and have the pleasure of reviewing your post.

         I really enjoyed your poem about baking Banana Bread. My advice would be to ignore the voices in your head and get to it! I love to bake, but don't do it often now. There's something about kneading dough that relaxes you. I know it might seem tough at first glance, my opinion is you can do anything you put your mind to it.

         Yes, going to a bakery down the street is easy, but doesn't bring you the satisfaction of baking it yourself. You lose that feeling of relaxation while kneading dough, the satisfying smells that permeate your kitchen and home as it bakes. There's just something about that that makes everything right, even if only for a few moments.
I did see one small thing you may want to look at, should you decide to edit this.

         You just have to do slice and serve the bread. Just an extra word that isn't needed, unless you change it quite a bit. Here's an alternate suggestion.

         You just have to do slice and serve the bread. You could edit it as shown: All you have to do is slice and serve the bread.


         I really enjoyed this poem, thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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14
14
Review of Colonoscopy  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Hey Bee Jay,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         I just had my first Colonoscopy a few weeks back, it was natural for me to read about your experience. Mine was a little different than yours, I guess it all depends on your doctor and where you live.

         It would have been nice to see this more personable with a little dialog thrown in. But your genre listing it as a column clued me to a probable lack of dialog. I'm not sure Column is the correct genre though, Essay might be a better fit.

         I found this to be very informative, something a person who is scheduled for their first Colonoscopy might want to read to answer questions and/or allay any fears they may have. A good read, thank you for sharing!




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15
15
Review of DEAR ME!  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey Jace,
         I entered my second (last minute) entry for "I Write in 2024 and have the pleasure of reviewing your Dear Me letter. Believe me, it was a pleasure reading it. I entered this last year, but did not earn a top three finish.

         My first thought about this after seeing the title was, "This should be interesting, considering who the author is." Why did I think that? I've read a lot of your Noticing Newbies Newsletters (yes, I still subscribe to those newsletters), so felt I knew a little of what to expect from your entry. I was close with my thoughts, but not all that close.

         Before I forget, congratulations on your recent retirement!

         I really enjoyed the bantering back and forth between and your TWO muses. I think you've set some realistic goals for the year, with the most challenging being completing 50 quality reviews each month. I've been terribly lax in all writing areas, my muse seems to have found a place they love, and refuses to return. I've done 30 or so reviews in a month for several months, so I know 50 (1.66/day!) a month is definitely challenging.

         My only suggestion regarding your Dear Me letter, is to have the font a be a different color for you and your muses. I know you've used Italics to denote your thoughts, for me colors would just stand out more.

         I wish you luck in the contest, this is very good. Thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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16
16
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hey Brenpoet,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 22nd WDC Anniversary!

         First, I want to say I'm so sorry about the loss of your daughter. Time heals wounds, so I hear, but I know this loss is always with you.

         What a beautiful poem for your daughter. I love the repeating refrain, except for the small substitution of I in the last verse. I thought that was perfect. The flow, the rhyme scheme, the rhythm is all spot on. I'm not sure what I could offer, if anything in the way of advice, this is that good. No, I'm not an English major, especially the Queen's English (or is it now called the King's English?). I know what I like, I know that something is good when I see it. This is that good, so no advice here. I hope to read more of your writing soon. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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17
17
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hey Redtowrite,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18th WDC Anniversary!

         I love this story, it brings back so many memories for me. I've only made one of my high school reunions, the 50 year reunion 2 years ago September. I've been in Donny's shoes, but am in a much better place, and state of mind, now.

         Cassidy did well in recognizing the signs that things were about to revert to the old high school days. I loved her question and subsequent actions. I was a bit like Cassidy too, at one time I swore that a classmate was the woman I'd marry, the only one I'd ever love. That never happened, but we are still good friends. She's married, so am I, just not to each other. At the one reunion I attended, we met and sat together. My wife couldn't make it, her husband did. If we'd been alone, nothing would have happened, all that is behind us.

         The flow of your story is very good, I think you hit the nail on the head with your descriptions of who does what, the cliques that were still there. We didn't seem to have that at mine, but I'd be willing to bet those cliques were around. I was never in a clique, I was too much of a nerd to hang out with the 'cool' kids. Besides, I was one of the few who had moved out of town, many of those in attendance seemed to know each other well. So who knows? You described her career and how she cared for rehabilitation patients. I thought that was an excellent choice for the story. I don't know what else to say, other than I could really relate with this. Thank for for sharing!




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18
18
Review of Office Ghost  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey D.B.,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 21st WDC Anniversary!

         I enjoyed this short Paranormal non-fiction story. What I want to say about it is that it's a bit spooky of course. But it's also nice story in its own merit, and would make a good fiction/non-fiction story if you wanted to edit this.

         In my opinion, stretch things a little bit, add some dialog (you had the chance in the last paragraph, but chose to not use direct dialog it appears. This could easily be stretched a little bit making it complete fiction, but think of the possibilities here! I think you kept the dialog out since you don't know exactly what was said, but I'm sure you could make it fit. You already have really. So put your imagination to work and make this a work of fiction!

         It's a nice story, it's up to you to improve it, should you so choose. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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19
19
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Angel,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         This is the only item in your port right now, and I'm a sucker for anything that's a puzzle, I had to solve it! Good job in creating this puzzle. Now if I could only read something you've written. After all, this is WRITING.com we're on. *Smile*

         You have a good word list here, but you're missing a word that starts with F, along with X, and Y. Hmmmmm, difficult words to express feelings and emotions. I Googled each letter, for F, I saw Fear, Forgiveness, and Frustration. For X, I saw Xenophile and Xenial. For Y, there's Yearning and Youthful. This would give you the complete alphabet.

         This is a good puzzle, it helped using the word list. I was halfway through before I realized it was there! I loved it, thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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20
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hey Ken!
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         Wow, your poem is pretty prophetic! Helter Skelter in the streets, Widows cry and children scream, all this describes what our country is going through right now. I think we have joined the rest of the world when it comes to unrest within our borders. The problem is, it's only going to get worse.

         Your phrases leave disturbing images in my mind. Good job doing that! I know I sound like my parents when I say, "What's the world coming to?" Yeah, something they said frequently while watching the news. If I were to 'complain' about anything in this poem, it would be your cover for it. If only you could remove the word Shutterstock. That's not your fault I know, but still.... An excellent poem, thank you for sharing!




Jim

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21
21
Review of Landing  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Jenn,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18th WDC Anniversary!

         I like the images you created in my mind with this poem. Heavy curtains, a Starling flock, a Bell Tower. I can see it all really. But, and this is my thought on this, and only my thought. This is too short.

         Why did the starlings alight on the clock? And where? The hands? (I doubt it), the structure that houses the clock?

         Yes I know, express it in eight. It seems you could have made this a couple of eight line stanzas to enlighten us more. I also have to wonder about the knock. What made the knock. Was it on your door? The window? Y'see, all these things are brought to mind by your short poem. It doesn't mean I don't like it, it only means it created questions in my mind. It is a good poem though, thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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22
22
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Stormy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 23rd WDC Anniversary!

         This really hits hard for such a short story. I think a lot of people can relate to this. especially that last line. It seems she suffered from a mental illness, as well as being anorexic? That's my impression at least, since she weighed only 98 pounds at death.

         The picture you paint here is one of a woman who has reached the end of her rope.
There is a monster in the mirror, she realizes far too late that she see's herself. That's something I can't imagine, at least not yet. Of course I hope I never do, but as old age takes hold of me, you never know.

         This is my mind here, how it works, but I do wonder how she was allowed to be in a bathroom that had what seemed to be a straight razor in it. It seems her husband would have known of her mental state, and taken precautions. Again, just my mind, and how it works. A nice story, a bit bizarre, but interesting. Thank you for sharing!





Sum1

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23
23
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hey Richard
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 4th WDC Anniversary!

         How am I supposed to type a review when I can't see the screen clearly? Something must be wrong with my eyes this morning. For some reason, this started while reading the second or third paragraph.

         I never made the connection to Mr./Mrs. Claus until I read the prompt, that's how bad my mind is this morning. Your story is wonderful, I'm a sap for stories like this, but still.... To quote a movie phrase, "You had me at Hello."

         My only question about your story would be this. Who was the stranger that was able to (another movie quote here), use the force as he did? I would think that with powers such as his, he could have fixed his staff himself with a wave of his hand. That means there was a plan in place by others, else the stranger acted on his own. But, was his plan to transform the couple into Mr./Mrs. Claus? Or was that coincidental? Hmmmmmm

         A truly wonderful story. Thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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24
24
Review by Sum1
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Hey Zed,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 1st WDC Anniversary!

         Well, you made me look up Tulpa to see exactly what it is, and its background. I found it pretty interesting, especially since your story has points in it that I've believed for a while now. I found your overall view and approach refreshing, a new look at that world that we live in. I've heard of the our thought processes building around the world, and that it can be detected. Right now I couldn't tell you where I read that, or when.

         You have a great start here, but that's all you have, a start. The end of this is obviously not the end of the story, or if it is, you leave your reader on a cliff. To me this is an unfinished portion of a much larger piece of work, and you should use WIP in either the description or beginning of the story. This way the reader isn't surprised at the current ending. I would suggest creating a blog/book to separate the chapters, but maybe your current membership level doesn't support that.

         Your writing here is crisp, descriptive, and interesting. With something this long (I assume it will get longer still), keeping your readers interested is necessary. When I first saw how long this was, I almost didn't read it. But I thought that I'd give it a shot and see if it caught my interest. It did. A truly enjoyable read, you have me wondering where this story is going.

         Thank you for posting and sharing this!


Sum1

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25
25
Review of A Clown  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey Strlcuckoo,
         Thank you for requesting a review of you poem. I hope my feedback will help you improve this, if needed. And an early Happy Birthday to you too!

         My basic comment is this. Using the line A sad faced clown after each line seems to be a distraction more than anything else. It's almost as if you used the line to lengthen the poem. IF I may make a minor suggestion.

         I looked up Emmett Kelly on Wikipedia, and found it a very interesting read.



         I'd lengthen it by taking parts from this link. I'd use A sad faced clown at the end of each verse, and maybe have 4-5 verses total. Maybe look at the Wikipedia article and use portions like Early circus career, Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey and others for your verse. The reason I say this is because there's an excellent story to be told here about his life. Your poem, as beautiful as it is, barely touches on his many achievements.

         As I said, a beautiful poem, I just think it should be lengthened.




Sum1

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