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77 Public Reviews Given
113 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is not my favorite form of poem as it does not rhyme, however, the meter is good and the imagery paints the picture in your head.
I have to give it a definite thumbs up. I hope we see a good deal more of your writing!

Write on!

Jamie








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Review of The Great Escape  Open in new Window.
Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This a very cute little poem and very nicely done!

Do Write On!
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Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very nice discription of the feelings felt at the time of the writing, but nothing about what led up to this emotional turmoil.

Do remember that without a little rain, we can't appreciate the sunshine.

I would love to see a writing where this is just a part of it.

Excellent discription of a place we have all been!

Write On!
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Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
If this is fiction you have discribed it exceedingly well. I just hope that this is not the end of the story, but only the beginning.

If this is not fiction, again, I hope it is only the beginning. These things that happen in life are always one of two things for those who live through them. They are either a stumbling block, or a stepping stone.

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Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
LOL.. I have done that. That's what I get for writing at 3:00am.
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Review of Animosity  Open in new Window.
Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Excellent for Halloween. Very scary dreams and the waking nightmare format is cool.

The formatting on the paragraphs is a bit off. It's easiest to double space here to straighten those out.
The characters could use a little more discription. You can't tell if Anomoisity is a blonde or brunett, or what color her eyes are when they aren't flames.

There is no discription of the favorite aunt either.

Otherwise the action is all very well discribed. Very well done.

Write on.
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Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is cool! :) Perfect for the season.
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Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Excellent. I didn't know that Harry went to Hogmeasles! :)
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Review of Miracle or Misery  Open in new Window.
Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
How you wrote this in the middle of a migrane I will never know! This is very discriptive of the migrane itself. I've never had one. I get headaches rarely and count that a blessing. Most of the headaches I have gotten have either been sinus or stress related.

How you managed to acheive this in the middle of all of that pain, how you managed to maintain a thought process at all.. You are a wonder!

Write On!

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Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
The tsunami weighs on all our hearts and minds. No matter how bad you thought you had it, you have to step back and think that life isn't so bad in the light of what has happened to our bretheren there.

*Lulled falsely by fatigue, perhaps sleep offers a brief respite* This line could use a little work. Out of the entire piece, it is the only thing that leaves the reader feeling a little lost. Taking out the "perhaps" might be the ticket. Maybe "sleep alone offers a breif respite." That would be your call.

The poem itself is awesome in it's form. Exceptionally well done.

Write On!

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Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is very nice. I thank my lucky stars that I don't have to tell you how to punctuate it.

Well Done! Write On!
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Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh my! I love this. Thank you for sharing it! You should really send this one in to Reader's Digest. I'm sure that they would love to have this. It would be worth a few bucks, you would be a published author, and at least it would buy you a cup of coffee.

Bless you for wanting to help and bless her for being honest enough to know that you meant well!

Outstanding. I hope to see more of you.

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Review of Winter Wonderland  Open in new Window.
Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is excellent! I can't earn 750gp on this for I can find no way to improve upon it.

Write On!

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Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
My deepest of condolences. *hugs*

Thank you for sharing this as well.

Your sister would find this a loving tribute to your love for her I'm sure.

One blooper.

"You I just can't stop straining to see,"

It either needs a comma or just to have the "You" removed.

Again, I send my hugs and prayers.

Write On
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Review of The Eyes Have It  Open in new Window.
Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an awesome poem. No punchline necessary, just the depths of meaning and wonder that can be held within a pair of eyes.

There are lines that probably should be capitalized. The rest is utter perfection. I stand in awe of the artist!

Write On!

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Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I know that this is one of the greater pains in life.
Thank you for expressing it.

The beginning is just a little confusing. Did you lose 3 in total? It sounds like there are a set of twins you lost and one that you lost when Stephen was born.

The last hard year for me with my losses was the year Jeremy would have turned 30. I found myself wondering what his children might have been like, who he would have married and so on.

You might want to go over the beginning of this writing just a little. Otherwise, it is very well written and tells a tale of the sadness and questions left when we lose our little ones.

May God lighten your way.

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Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Let me start with Amen. That seems to be one thing that you left out of the prayer. It is well felt and well thought out. It could use a closing of some kind. Some of this seems to rhyme as if you meant for it to be a poem and then much of it doesn't. I'm not sure if that was intentional. It could be a poem as well. If you go about the process of making it into a poem do let me know. I would read it again.

Very well written, very well felt. Do Write On.

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Review of Oh Woe!  Open in new Window.
Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is quite excellent! There is only one suggestion that I would make to make the second diamond a little more regular.

Woe betide all
those I don't enthral

I would add "to" making the line "to those I don't entral."

That would even out the diamond just that little bit.

Excellent work! Do Write On!

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Review of Mimosa  Open in new Window.
Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is quite descriptive and very nicely done. The only shame is that there isn't more of it.

I found only one blooper. "Juana.” She muttered, her words slurred and low in the dark alley. The rush of the city seemed so far off, beyond the two"

She only said one word, her name.

I'm dying to see more of this. This portion would make a good cover teaser for a book.

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Review of Red Rose  Open in new Window.
Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
This story needs some work. You have it all written in the first person and yet the main character doesn't manage to escape. It leaves the reader wondering how he is telling the story or that the story isn't finished. There isn't much discription of anything, so you will want to write in some descriptions of he main character, the graveyard, the park and the old woman at the very least. It will make the reader identify more with the main character and make your story scarier.

Take some time and re-write this one. It has a lot of good action and will really be worth the effort.

After you have gone over this again, please let me know. I would be happy to give it a second read.

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Review of I love You  Open in new Window.
Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
What can you say about perfection? It's perfect.

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Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really like this! Ah heck, I love it.

It's perfect, don't change a thing.

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Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Again, the biggest problem is that this is a nice beginning, but it there isn't a lot of it yet.

This part of the piece is very well discribed. The formatting is off.

Still, quite excellent, I am dying to see more of it.

Do Write ON!

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Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
All of spend some time alone in the dark. This captures that feeling very well. It could use a little work on the meter here and there perhaps, but stands well on it's own just as it is.

May we all find our days in the sunshine as well.

Write On!

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Review by jlwhitten Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is a very interesting piece. I would add to this. This forest seems an interesting place.

One blooper:With a great bellowing roar of joy, he dropped to all fours and sped off crashing through trees and plowing through dense thickets. He was heading back to his cave and safety at full speed.
He inadvertently woke up Little Chimu, the long-tailed tree monkey, in his noisesome passing. Little Chimu laughed and threw big greasy walnuts at him from his safe treetop where all intelligent monkeys should be at this time of night.

This section didn't format well. Otherwise it's fine as it is written.

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