Such a heartfelt, honest piece of writing. I am taken by how simple the language is, because it can so effectively create an emotional response despite its relative starkness. I can sense pain in your words, but they are colored with your faith that your mother is in a better place. Inspiring, to say the least.
I cannot even bring myself to make a criticism of this poem, because while it lacks flowery phrases and deep symbolism and anything else of that sort, it contains raw, frank sorrow, and I am touched by it. A fine tribute to your mother. Keep your faith strong - we will all see our loved ones again.
I am sincerely impressed by this poem. To be specific, the rhyme scheme is what grabs me first. Maybe I'm just too often exposed to poets who believe that using rhyme is too constraining, but I've always felt that a thoughtful scheme is far more difficult - and far more rewarding - than simple, un-rhymed poetry.
The scheme is a simple ABCB, but it's effective nonetheless. There is only one line that really bothers me (line 23, "while morning doves fly forever), because it appears to break from the rhythm and emphasis of previous lines, but the phrase is beautiful enough that I'm quick to forgive any perceived inconsistency. (I want to say that the majority of the lines are iambic, and that line 23 bothers me because it is not iambic, but it's been too long since I've sat in a classroom where that term was used and so I'm not quite confident enough to throw it around. Heh heh.)
Your poem's subject matter is really beautiful, and the language creates a gorgeous image, just as I think all good poetry should. There is a pleasant mix of natural references and allusions to a Creator, both cleverly woven so that neither aspect is overbearing, excessive, or superfluous. They complement one another, in fact, which is nicely done.
My overall impression of this poem is that it effectively captures a serene, sublime natural scene. I have very little criticism for it; my gratitude to the author for an enjoyable read.
A crazy story with a suitably crazy narrator. The twist near the end is foreshadowed well enough and feels "right" to me. The dialogue is natural and believably conversational, and each character has his own style of speech that is distinct from the other, which shows some nice forethought on the author's part.
If I have to offer a criticism, I must point out the sections in which background information is provided in great big chunks of dialogue. Surely the author has few options in revealing that background, and using characters' dialogue is perhaps the best choice, but it does occasionally feel unnatural. It is generally hid well in the guise of a psychiatrist reviewing records with his patient, but sometimes that alibi isn't quite enough.
That doesn't damage the quality of the story, though, in my opinion. An enjoyable read with a blend of dark humor, drama, and a fun twist.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jmarsico
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 3:32am on Apr 26, 2025 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
