Very sad. Evokes feelings of loss of hopes for what should have been but couldn't be because it was "synthetic" and not real.
A few word choices could have been better, but still a good read.
Not bad. Clearly it's describing how some spilled concreate on a paved driveway/road resembles an archipelago of islands. I do wish it could have continued, to have the viewer describe those islands. The evolution, the buildup, to include villages, waves, to create a whole world and not just some concrete on tar.
GREAT OPENING! I think I would, though appocalyptic stories aren't my thing, this opening got my attention and made me want to ask who is Aeryn, what promise, what monsters, what face?
Sounds like the start of a good story! I'm not a fan of the romance side, but it was well told and led into other things. Is it meant to be a play or script or a novel? Regardless, you've got a good strong hook in this one. It needs a lot more details added, but it's a good start. I hope you keep writing it.
If this is the idea for a story, I like the premise, but it's hardly what I would call finished and needs some work. The trick to writing a good story is to ground it in reality and there's a lot of room for improvement in that.
The original premise of the story is testing how well a group of people could survive in an underground survival situation but then at the end, it becomes part of an experiment on preparing for space colonization. I like the space colony aspect, but the survival part has been demonstrated repeatedly throughout history and even current times. Pick any natural disaster within the last 20 years. But since space colonization is becoming a thing again, the 10 year timeline actually lines up well with that.
It's doubtful that the transcripts of anybody would be used given information laws these days and even more doubtful that old paper transcripts would be kept anywhere someone would easily look for them. You might want to instead, have the wife deciding to volunteer them and after a thorough background check, they are selected.
You also need to keep in mind the kids. It's highly doubtful that they would stay the full 10 years in isolation, if for no other reason than they'll want to do things like college. If they were offered full ride scholarships at the end, that would be a big benefit. I suppose the experiment could allow them to go off and return, depending on how the goals are stated. The husband would also need something more than a basic mechanical aptitude. You tried using transcripts that are likely to be non-existent. How about a military record? Army, Navy and Air Force all have skills and job training that would match your needs. I admit, I'm an air force vet so I'm partial to that, but a Navy vet would be a good model. I knew a guy who worked on nuclear reactors so I know it's plausible.
I would also argue that a mine is inherently unstable and unsuitable for habitation just from a safety standpoint. An old cold war era missile silo is more prevalent and safer. Unless your experiment is willing to dig out a purpose built mine for human habitation, most mines these days would not be suitable for your experiment. Unless you want accidents where other characters die, but I doubt that would work in today's legal requirements. And I'm pretty sure silver mines are considered toxic these days, but don't quote me on that.
Then there's the aftermath. What happens after the experiment? Do they keep on living in the mine, do they go back to their old homes? Lots of open ends, but you don't need to close all of them. What about the kids?
And please, for all that is holy in science fiction, do NOT make anything glow that doesn't have a practical purpose for glowing. Lights glow. Screens glow. Power supplies, such a generator of any kind, should absolutely NOT glow, because if they are, it generally means they are about to explode. And since this will be a survival study experiment, try to keep the tech as practical as possible. Not saying you can't have high tech games, but a deck of cards has far more practical entertainment value and more durability, than many high-tech gadgets.
You've got a solid story idea here and I hope you flesh it out into a novel! Keep going!
I first half of the poem was very good when the hopes of the writer were bright, but the two transitions with "you and me" repeated just lost the rhythm and it never recovered. Tweak the word choice and order a bit and the writer would maintain the meaning and improve the flow.
While evocative, the flow seems disjointed. Without the title, there's no way to know the context, unless the writer was going for a general note on changing points in life. The third line is especially jaring, though I'm not sure why. It does make one think about the future.
This seems more like a judgment piece on a woman named Samantha without any real reason. The speaker claims to have fallen overboard due to cannon fire. Seems to me that would result in lots of injuries to his own person. Then there's the voting aspect. Why would everyone need to vote? Why not the people who wanted to stay just stay? Was Samantha forced to go along? Was she the only suspicious one there?
The odd mix of vagueness and specficity just felt off. You have a specific character of Samantha who is clearly deems "wrong", while the storyteller is clearly held as "right", but we're only given vague ideas of why that is. It ends up feeling like the author was just using literacy to get revenge on someone named Samantha.
Word choice was decent, though "lightly wet" could also be "damp". The juxtaposition between "solitude" and "chaos" just doesn't work. Not sure that the boats could be described as "arks".
Overall, I can't rate this highly because it just felt empty and lacking substance. The basic premise was a good one of everyone having a remarkable journey, but the execution just didn't match that level of contemplation.
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