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Review of Black Rose-info  Open in new Window.
Review by Jay-J Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Ms. Smith, all honor to you for presenting your work for review.

Reading your work gives the impression that this will be part of a proposal for a book or short story. You present much mystery in your descriptions of your protagonist (I named her Ayanna). This mystery allows use of imagination in picturing her.

Please allow me to rewrite your work and offer you a different arrangement of your words. I have no basis to think that this is either better or worse – just different.

*****
Ayanna is a young woman who finds herself starting on an adventure, which will change her life. Her sepia toned skin set off by sparkling purple eyes. A medium build, long legs and an hourglass figure, give her a caged gentle look, which misleads people into believing she is not a fighter. Many have regretted this when they crossed her.

Recently, an old crone read her fortune, and told her she had a magical gift. Ayanna wonders if her birthmark is the source of this gift. Extending down her right arm from her shoulder-- at times it would glow a purple hue.

Pondering this new information, a phone call interrupts her thoughts, she is accepted by the Althea Academy for gifted teens. She consents, not knowing then that she will learn the secret of her gift -- -- and that friends and enemies are not always what they seem.

*****
Once again, thank you for allowing me to read your work. I enjoyed your use of visuals and think you have a good grip on character development. Best wishes for your success and prosperity in life. <Joel>
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