Harry--What a great poem this is!!!--Your English, on a whole, is impeccible....punctuation and word usage and you say very well what you mean--This ain't no poem where you're singing the blues....You're just remembering the good old times with a smile--I like that as it takes me back, too--Baseball, basketball, football, tennis, golf....even badmitton--LOL--table tennis, pool, bowling--And I've had times where I have driven for 13 hours a day!!!--Those days are gone fer me too--LOL--But I am also not unhappy about that as I'm grateful that I have the memories--I like your style because I LIKE POETRY THAT I READ TA RHYME--LOL--That's just me, I guess--And you basic English skills are very good as there are no overt errors to take the reader's mind off your work--A good story told expertly, my friend--GOOD WORK--Cliff
Rebecca--I enjoyed reading this--I enjoyed the way your lines made me feel even if they are sad or desperate because of the way that you handle your words--I really was captivated the third stanza...
The beloved eyes may captivate
the attention of the reader.
I know, however, eyes not only lie,
but thoroughly mock each seer.
No use to pretend it's use to you;
Shut the lids and look on through.
I like the way you express yourself and I like your style--I have a few suggestions for your flow and punctuation and form--I could think of nothing to suggest to improve your writing as your writing is GOOD, but I was thinking that maybe we could shine it up a bit....wouldn't hurt--But your writing is TOP SHELF--GOOD JOB
I sincerely hope that any of the reviews that I provide for anything (or anyone) helps them want to be a good writer. Any writer here is bearing his/her soul on the paper and we should respect that.--Many times a work may be weak in spelling or punctuation and yet be very strong in what it says and how it says it.--Therefore I try to correct the spelling and punctuation as I still give a very high rating for the content's value.--Sometimes a writer has an abundance of talent, but still needs to be encouraged to refine the spelling and punctuation....and that will come....in time and with the proper encouragement.--The most important thing is to keep a talented writer writing....and the way to do that is to encourage the writing.--I like this site and I enjoy this site's values and philosophy's, too--Kind regards--Cliff
The Tuskegee Airmen.....you come up with GREAT TOPICS!!!--Tuskegee was a college run by George Washington Carver, I believe, if memory serves from my history--I was unaware that the Tuskegee Airmen ever lost a plane they were escorting--The Tuskegee Airmen were the quality of the airmen during WW II--I trust all your facts to be correct and sound as I have readed several of your works and they have each been well written and well researched--I enjoyed reading this because it was a subject that I wanted to know about--The world needs to know about all of our American heros!!!--GOOD WRITING, my friend--Cliff
Harry--I'm eager to learn the name of this horse!!!--For it to be a tribute, you should at least mention the name of whom (or what) your are praising--LOL--The statistics you speak of here are very impressive--I knows the names of several triple crown winners, but I have no idea of which one you are talking about--Please answer this letter to tell me which one it is--Maybe you did mention it, but I was too stoopid ta see it!!!--(I'm NOT all that bright!!)--As usual your spelling is good, as far as I'm concerned, and you tell your story very well--I like this as prose--GOOD JOB, my friend--Cliff
I really enjoyed this one--A very long time ago, when I first graduated high school, I worked in a shoe factory--The boss would always collect any unpunched-in cards at a quarter after the hour every morning--Those who were later must go to her to get their cards to punch in--I was always, every morning, 15-45 minutes late--I just told her she was lucky that I came in at all at such an unGODly hour!!! --She would always leave my time card there and I was able to punch in any time I got there--LOL--But as you could guess, I was a very good worker, too.....or why would they put up with my constant tardiness?--LOL--I got the idea from the book "MASH" where it said that if one does their job really well that they could get away with more--Any job that I ever did I was VERY GOOD at it or I didn't do it--You tell your story well....I like your style--You do not try to impress the readers with how many $50 words you know as you are telling your story as simply and easily as you can....and I like that--Your spelling is good, punctation is good and your word usage is good--I think you are a very good writer--I enjoyed reading this and what more is there for any writer?--GOOOD JOB--Cliff
elaf--I really enjoyed this read--This poem about santa was really well thought out and I love a happy ending!!!--LOL--I enjoyed the read here as the lines flowed well and I LOVE THE RHYMES....as I LIKE RHYMES WIT MY POETRY (that I read)--I enjoyed your story, too....and the poetic way you told it!!!--I am a writer, like yourself, and the comments I leave you are only my opinions that try to help you improve to be a better writer--All comments are just suggestions and like wit any suggestions, use the ones you like and ignore the ones you don't--In my humble opinion, your lines are too long--If you go back over it you can save it by shortening the lines--Shorter lines are preferred to poetry as longer lines start to sound like a greeting cards--LOL--In poetry perfect lines are about 8 syllables/line--I try to hold my own lines down to under 11 syllables (as I am ay very wordy fellow)--
Suggestion...."Sitting around with hot soup in a bowl;
A day of sleigh riding has taken its toll;
Under the Christmas tree the train goes 'round;
Thoughts of tomorrow got my heart all wound."
See?....all that you need to do is delete some words that will not change the meaning of your writing--Your writing is very good....and it can be better....if you wish it tto be--Cliff
Harry--Again....BRAVO--Now here you supply information in a very poetic way with smooth flowing llines and I LOVE THE RHYMES!!!--This exhibits your natural poetic talents!!!--You put it together very well and I like your style.....and reasoning, too--I enjoy reading your stuff because of your poetic style and your good choice of words.....your wording is very good and that makes the read fun--Please bear in mind that I, like you, am a humble writer, and all my comments are my opinions--Right or wrong, they are right fer me!!--LOL--I like your logic fer this one and the writing is original and very fine--GOOD JOB, my friend--Cliff
Harry--BRAVO!!!--
I readed this and wrote a 5 paragraph review of it, but I forgot to rate it and so I returned, but my review was gone, so now I attempt to
re-review it--LOL--
This is one of my FAVORITE SUBJECTS!!!....The ruining of our mutual enviroments--It seems to me that capitalism encourages profiteers to make MORE MONEY by using MORE RESOURCES--In the Bible it clearly states that in the end times that the waters will turn sour--We cannot keep dumping all this oil into the seas and still expect to feed from the seas, too--We are killing sea life immediately and human life gradually--And these profiteers act like they do not need to live on the Earth where these messes are being made!!!--LOL--We must all live with the results!!!--I enjoyed reading this and I liked how you presented the facts as it makes the readers see the seriousness of the problem--You are an EXCELLENT writer as your punctuation is good and your word selection is great and your word usage is good, too (you're, your....to, too, two)--
In my humble opinion this would be better if it were written in sentences and paragraphs as an essay or article--I just do not see it as a poem as there is nothing poetic about it--LOL--Just because you wrote it in lines and stanza does not make it poetic, but it does look like a poem--LOL--This is a totally a GREAT write and I enjoyed reading it--You did a good job at pointing out just how serious this is!!!--Cliff
Hyperiongate--I LIKE THIS--It is very entertaining and I like the news species of beings that you talk about as if it was common to do so and we should know what you are talking about, too, bevcause it is a commonplace kind of thing--That tends ta make tyhe story MORE AT HOME and easier to relate to--I do enjoy GOOD SCI-FI writing--And this is good and I enjoyed it--Your spellinjg and punctuation is good and there are no overt miuistakes to distract any reaswder from your good story--I think that I may even like Rocco a little, too, as I can relate to his desires....thus making him more human and more alive (to me)--Very good writing, my friend--Cliff
J P Ruiz--This is GREAT and I really enjoyed reading it--I liked you explanation here..." In closing man needs love; God is love; so man needs God."--How right you are--Your spelling is correct and your sentences are complete and they have power, too--ONLY BLOOD CAN WASH AWAY SINS--We used to need to buy animals to kill to let the blood wash away our sins--Jesus Christ shedHis precious blood to wash away the sins of all of we sinners and that is the only blood we now need--We all need to pray in the name of Jesus Christ--Very well written....I enjoyed this--Cliff
This IS GREAT!!!--I'm happy that I found this--The words are so good to a newborn child and I am jealous that I didn't think of it myself....but when my own daughter was born I WAS NOT THAT POETIC!!!--But these words encompass all that I felt--You Father's love shines through in this piece--You have a talented Dad....who loves you very much--This was good fer me ta read--Cliff
Lost&Alone--I enjoyed reading your heartfelt prose here--Just one small (very small, yet quite distracting) error...in the sixth line....last word...."lier"....Do you mean "liar"?--It feels good to get your feelings out in the open, doesn't it--GOOD WRITING!!!--Cliff
Janice--BRAVO--(Picture me standing and applauding....as you deserve a standing ovation for this!!)--I have an ex-daughter myself and she and daddy were very special together--I had her right where she wanted me!!!!--All daughters are very special!!!!--I like the way that you tell of your strong family bond here....The bond we share like none I've known,
We are best friends and I'm never alone.
Boys are GREAT , but daughters are very special!!!--I enjoyed reading about the love shared between you both--What a good job you did on this writing--HUGS--Cliff
Kaycie Ann--I like how you express your thoughts along with your emotions here--I gotta admit that I LOVE when women talk dirty....I used ta pay them ta talk dirty to me....You believe me....doncha?--LOL-- but writers should have an expanded vocabulary so that profanity is usually uncalled for--Unless you are just beginning then I understand and I'm sure your vocabulary will expand as you go along--You must be younger as I was the same way when I was young--I thought that by the use of profanity that it would tell how strongly I felt about anything--But as you mature you will learn new words and new tricks--A whole new world of writing will open up for you--I know this because I can see your talent in this writing--You have writing IN YOUR BLOOD and you will be writing fer the rest of your life--For what it's worth, I enjoyed reading this--Cliff:)
I enjoyed reading this--Your bittersweet reminising took me back, too--LOL--Everybody says that life is so short--My life has been long as satisfying, too--Many will read this and understand and some will read it and wonder what the future holds--LOL--I like the way that you force us to see the past and present here as you dicuss the past, present and the future--The prisoner still dreams of a hopeful future--I like how you were very conservative with your punctuation as not to slow the reader down--Too many writers think a comma is needed everytime a breath is taken--LOL--I like what you said and I like how you said it in your prose--GOOD WRITING!!!--Cliff
Dan--You're full of....wisdom....in several of your newer poems--I like seeing poetic talent displayed in the poetry I read and you never let me down--In your writing style you always have fairly short lines that flow smoothly and rhyme.....very poetic and a pleasure to read, too--Thaty is why I reads poetry....to enjoy the lines and sometimes what they tell us is worthy, too--You explain a sad fact of life here--Oh well!!!....LOL--You know that I ALWAYS enjoy your excellent poetry, my friend--My very best to Emma and the rest of your family--Cliff
Dan--LOL--What ay sensa humorous you have!!!--Here in the USA, those types of toilets are old fashioned as we mostly have the tank (with the water reserve) attached to the back of the toilet (loo)--I guess a six feet drop of the water would cause excessive splashing of undesired particles....I never thought of that--Seems like a culture that uses such toilets should be aware of such things--LOL--Again, my friend, very sound advise presented in ay most poetical way--Your lines flow well....smoothly, making your stuff a pleasure to read and the rhymes are icing on the poetic cake!!!--In the last stanza, second line..."Do you not realize your breath('s) like the loo"--An apothophe is needed to show the contraction "breath is" like the loo (breath's)--This will make your poem closer to perfect--
Morning breath, morning breath tasting like poo,
Did you not realize your breaths like the loo?
All of the segments that fly when you flush
Land on all objects and on your toothbrush.
Your loos in England must be a pain in the butt to repair if their tanks are six feet off the ground--You must grow your plumber tall over there!!!--LOL--GOOD WRITING, my friend--Cliff
Dan--Such great advice here presented in a very poetic way!!!--What you say here has great merit as we all got to be ourselves--Who else can we be in the end?--You lines all flow poetically and smoothly making the lines always a pleasure to read--You KNOW I LOVE THE RHYMES....as I like a few rhymes wit me poetry....everytime!!!--
Do not be afraid to show who you are,
Though, people may judge you as strange or bizarre.
Just be yourself and the people will see:
That being yourself is what makes you happy.
Poetic lines equiped with a GREAT message--It cannot get any better than this!!--Great writing, my friend--Cliff
Dab--I like that I am able to catch up now on your newer writing as we lost touch for so long...well...a few monthes, anyway--LOL--I see that you are going thru a romantical period--I like that your poems are not too long and not too short as they seem ta be just right--
Sometimes I would not get to sleep
until the day had broke.
But life it just made perfect sense
Each time your eyes awoke.....
Such a tender side of you (that I never had to see--LOL)--You make me feel all romantical....ARE YOU NUTS!!!!--LOL--Again...your lines flow well and I LOVES DA RHYMES!!!--YOU KNOWS DAT!!!!--You boldly exhibit your poetic talent in every poem you write--When I rewad poetry I like ta see poetic talent....and that I see here--GOOD WRITING!!!--Cliff
Dabby!!!--OK....I will try to be honest, encouraging and respectful....as to follow this site's Guidelines To Great Reviewing--You old romantic fool!!!--I didn't know you had the gift of romance within you--THis is GREAT--Your lines flow well and smoothly--The first stanza sounds llike a Beatles song as it is well planned and flowing almost musically--
It was seven years ago;
When my love began to grow;
For a girl I did not know;
It was time to take it slow......That's great stuff!!!!--I like the "Eyes so deep I saw your heart" line....You ole sweet talker!!!
AND the last stanza is PERFECT!!!!--I never know'd you were so romantical--I take it this is written in honor of Emma--No wonder I love her, too!!!--LOL--You have a veryu nice family and I can see the pride and your love in this one--GREAT WRITING, my friend--Cliff
Dab--I really enjoy the way you allow your imagination to take over your thoughts as creativity takes a hand--Your lines are short and to the point as you have choosen your words carefully with complete functionality....you make your words work for you and the poem and you do not let them intimidate you...for you use them as they should be used--I enjoyed your explanation after the poem, too....as I wondered what the emotion was all about here--You punctuation is good, altho you are still ruled too much by the comma!!!--LOL--If you don't need to do not slow down the reader with any commas--Sometimes commas are called for, but if they are not necessary, you should stay away from them--Your words and poetic talent ALWAYS impresses me!!!
Each step I take, takes so long;
For I can barely stand,
But I will return to you
With flowers in my hand.---Such a heart -wrenching stanza to imagine a man whose love is stronger than his aging body--This poem changed my mood!!!--Dab, I am SO HAPPY that you decided to join us here as I have missed reading youir excellent poetry everyday!!!!--Good ta have you here--WRITE ON!!!....my friend--Cliff
StreetRat--I know exactly what you're talking about here as I lost my own Mother a few years ago to breast cancer--Cancer is not a pretty way to die--Not that there ever is (a pretty way to die)--We do feel overwhelmed by the death of our loved ones--Mom suffered with cancer for A LONG TIME and we knew it would eventually killl her....when?....we didn't know....but that does not make it easier at all....does it?--Sicknesses linger, but death is so final and permanent!!!--I like how you portrayed your subject here as you planned for the bad weather, but you never realized how bad that it would truely be--I KNOW WACHA MEAN!!!!.....believe me....I do!!!--My Mom was our strength in your lives...as I always seemed to have the strength to DISOBEY HER....WE always laughed about that--I could make my Mom smile any time I wanted to!!!--LOL--No other woman on this earth has ever loved me any more than my Mom--We never knew what we had until we miss it!!!--It was years before I could ever write about my own mother, but I fiinally did in two poems...."My Mom's Cancer" and "How I Miss You"--I know of your pain, my friend--Good writimng--Cliff
Electrica--I think this is written very well weaving a lot of magic to season it--But you know, I honestly think that this is what some women really want....and the days of the white horses are long ago past--Most men are afraid of horses and know nothing about the wild beasts--LOL--It is very romantical...I can see that, but it is unfair to we men--I grew up with horses (when I was a young teen) and I can tell you there is a lot to learn--LOL--That is like all of we men expecting models who are virgins who always wear long flowing gowns to go along with the wind blowing their long hair--LOL--Other than that the writing is EXCELLENT!!!--You choose the right words all the way through and your punctuation is very good and I LOVE YOUR ENDING...
Breathless...
"'Stay awhile! My wild love"--I enjoyed this and what else is there?
shaggypayne--Ya know....when I read poetry I like to see poetic talent--To me, poetic talent is smoothly flowing lines with rhymes--Like my favoriote poet, Robert Frost, who not only rhymes well, but sometimes he puts the same amount of syllables in each line--I have written a few poems like that and it is A LOT OF WORK!!!!.....A LOT OF WORK!!!--One must first write the thought into a sentence then start eliminating words to get to the desired syllables--The work comes when you must search your vocabulary to come up with a MORE SUITABLE word that may contain two syllables instead of three syllables--A fine example is his work, "Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening"...For I have promises to keep; And miles to go before I sleep; And miles to go before I sleep.--8 syllables to each line in that poem--Poetic talent is a lot of work--Your poem above fills my mind with poetic talent....and I see NO RHYMES!!!--LOL--This poem made this reader feel good....and the lines just naturally flow together--You develop a beat for your words and continue with it to the end--Very poetic!!--I REALLY ENJOYED THIS!!!--It provides the readers with hope....and I like a happy ending--LOL--GOOD WRITING!!!--Cliff
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/johnsonpoo
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 5:02pm on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
