I like the writing. You wrote it well. But there are things I need to tell. You speak about the poor, you forget about pride. It is what is causing these things to happen. The rich like being rich, the poor want a chance, but cannot or in some cases will not do anything to get out of where they are. I am one of those many who struggle in one of the richest nations in the world to keep my own family fed. I realize where the fault of it all lies, but cannot do anything about it. I'd care for those less fortunate than myself if it weren't for the fact that I have to cover my own family first, and am barely doing that. One day there will be no poor, but it will because we will all realize who gives us all, and what really matters in this world. God gives us all, expecting us to share what we can. I hope to keep doing that. Have a nice day
I agree to a point with what the poem is saying. Most people do keep themselves closed like a book. But writing exposes the person. Poetry, which often comes from the heart, opens the real person to the view of the observant reader. So in writing, the author, opens thier book --using your metaphore-- and allows a brief look inside.
The poem is good, and the metaphore is refreshing. Thanks for sharing it.
This is a very emotionaly strong work. It makes me pity the writer. Not only had they lost thier children, but they have only three months to live. They have truly lost everything that matters in this world. After reading this poem I was thankful that I haven't ever smoked, and also thanked God for my own three little children.
This is a really good poem. You have combined shape poetry with an excellent rhyme scheme and an excellent subject. You show true skill in how you formed the poem and kept all three forms of poetry while keeping the message you are telling. Good Job!
This is a good snapshot, but it is more of a stick figure than a picture. You could add more detail to fill in the picture with details about the people involved, what they look like, what is causing the pain. Are there any family members nearby besides the two of them? These are some of the details that could fill in the details that would turn the stick figure drawing into a full blown snapshot of time.
Good job! I am always impressed with your ability to take ordinary events and put them in the perspective of the other creatures involved. You could add more feeling and additional detail to the story to add depth, but for the most part you did a very good job and capitalized on your skills of using the unreliable narrator.
I liked this short story. You used the perspective as a very good way to mislead the reader until revealing at the very end. I'm very impressed with the unreliable narrator used in this story so that the reader is unaware that the real main character is the dog.
It is a sweet romance that is brief. It doesn't gather much depth but is not shallow either. In spite of the fact that the story is so short it does come to a good, solid conclusion. The fact that the story ends with both of thier deaths, doesn't hurt it, but it does make it a little more somberly sweet conclusion than is normally expected with a romance.
This poem has good rhythm and almost a singsong sound to it plus a good rhym scheme that shows up occasionally. It also tells some truth. This world has too much violence in it and it gets discouraging if you don't know what you can do about it. Good Job!
This information was very helpful, and makes me look forward to getting a membership that will allow me to see these analysis of my work because I am looking at getting paid for my poetry and want to know more about the individuals that have been reading my poems and know better where to sell them to.
This is a very nice piece based on a rule that, although absurd, isn't all that far off to how some people with a great deal of money behave. Yet you also have written in such a way that it leaves the reader wonder who is the one that is realy insane, the reader, the psycologist, the author, or the patients.
This is a very good poem. The reflections on a lost spouse is artfully done and done with obvios respect. It sounds to me like your love was one that everyone on this earth is looking for but not everyone finds or creates. I appreciate that you took the time to write these sentiments.
It was an excellent work in progress, Please finish it so I can see how it ends! You've got an idea that I could easily turn itself into a really nice novel that I believe would get published if it were sent to the right publisher and do really well.
Good start on a good fantasy novel. Keep going with the idea and you will have a pretty good novel. I'm looking forward to getting a chance to read the rest when you get it completed. Based on what you write, you have a good imagination, keep it up!
You did a wonderful job of putting a very important scene from the life of Jesus Christ to song. It also repeats a very important message that we cannot judge others properly because we are not perfect enough to do that. You did well in putting the main point of the message into the refrain.
I appreciate the clear explanation of Polygamy in Islam. These laws are just, and when appropriately followed can lead to a peacefull life. Although not a follower of Islam, I respect the right of those that do to live that law, but only under those circumstances, because otherwise it makes the man free to become a womanizerMy review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
I like this poem. It is almost a song with how neatly it was written. I understand the sentiment expressed at the end, because it is always confusing when friendship is withdrawn, when a friend becomes a stranger or even worse, an enemy. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
I agree that many religions don't treat women properly but I must note one key element of the creation that was mentioned. That Woman was created from the rib. The placment of the rib is over the heart. In fact, it is one of the closes bones to the heart, and so woman was to be cherished by man, not ruled over with tyranny, which taking woman from a part of the foot would be, or to be ruled by them, which would have been indicated by taking woman from a part of the head. So, in stating that woman was created from adam's rib, she was an equal and a help meet, not a servant or ruler. Thank you for reminding me of what I already knew but had forgotten in a moment of stupidity.
I appreciate the sentiments expressed and am gratefull for the further understanding of a woman's status in certain Muslim Societies. I never fully understood it before. Your poem made me grateful to have the understanding that I do that God loves all his children, both his sons and also his daughters and that his sons are supposed to treat his daughters well. I have learned how equal or better women are to men by having a wonderfull wife myself and seeing everything that comes natural to her that I still doubt I will ever be able to learn well.
I greatly appreciate the tale. It has the traits of others that I have heard directly from a couple that I met while in Brockton, MA who described thier experience when they were both deep into drugs. It is another story that convinces me to never try drugs like that.
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