Nice poem. Life certainly throws us curves, but Mother Nature continues to do her thing.
One small suggestion:
In the sixth line, I think you should have written
on the insignificant insignificance
Being a nature lover, I like these lines: The autumn leaves fall
The seasons change
Winter comes,
Snow comes again.
Spring returns
Summer heats the land.
Autumn comes again
The leaves change and fall.
I'm not a particular fan of witchcraft, demons, or (of course) abuse, but this is a well-written poem. The rhyming is great, the flow is wonderful, and it tells a terrific little story.
I like the closing line that wraps up the story so well! Will Mummy learn to love her little spawn? LOL.
Good morning (at least it is where I live!)
I came across this poem while browsing the Read & Review section.
It struck a chord with me as I too love music: listening and strumming a little guitar (a little strumming; not a little guitar! LOL)
Anyway, what speaks to me in your words:
• the variety of music from classic symphonies to rock and roll and the joy we find when listening to good music, whether analog/digital or live. All have their place in our lives.
• I enjoy Christmas music, because it brings back memories of childhood Christmases which were the best time of year in the farmhouse where I grew up.
The rhyming is awesome; I'm not sure I could have come up with those words that make the poem flow so well. Nicely done!
I can think of nothing to improve this. It's an awesome story about music in our lives.
For me the poem talks about going to a place that most people fear, but not you. Where is this place? (rhetorical question) It seems to be some place that people find "dark and scary." The forest or a gorge are what come to mind at first. But the place understands who you are and why you're there. For me that's nature, although parts of your poem remind me of drowning (the darkness and silence of being under water).
WE all need a place to go sometimes to escape the chaos and struggles of life. A place to be alone and reflect.
We often fear what we can't define, but searching for a tranquil place is key—like meditation. It's how we discover who we are and learn to accept the good with the bad in our lives.
Now, I may be way off here, but it's my interpretation of the poem!
You free verse flows well, and your word choices are awesome, leaving (I believe) room for personal interpretation. Nice!
This came up on the "Read and Review" section, so here I am!
For me this poem talks about the idea of a perhaps naive, vulnerable mind wanting to change. Maybe the writer's choices aren't the best and feels a need to change and become stronger. Maybe the writer is looking to make better life/relationship choices.
This says a lot in a few words. I like the "naked, clothes" personification of the mind.
Well done.
I see to you are new to WDC. I'm quite new myself (September).
It's a great place to show your writing and get critiques.
I hope you enjoy your time here!
This poem caught my eye in the "Read and Review" section as it speaks to me as I am an introvert/loner. I like it that way more and more as I get older. I spend my time doing art and some writing (among other things) and these things make me happy.
I don't dislike people at all, but after multi-people gatherings, I tend to need time to decompress. I've learned to accept this about myself and am grateful and happy that I enjoy my own company, learn on my own.
I do love to be with people outside these things and indeed find them beneficial toward my goals and needs -- or to break the shack-wacky feelings I sometimes get after being alone too long. LOL
This is interesting. It reminds me of what we learn in meditation. All the answers are within you. You needn't look for external validation or approval or answers.
The images of a breeze and meteor, speak to me of freedom to look within and live our lives by following our own path. We have to learn that struggles are part of life. We should embrace them on our road to learning.
This is a nicely written poem with a poignant message.
Ha! Ha! I had to giggle at this modern take on an old myth.
I always wondered about this Cupid guy! LOL
I love the flow and rhyming. Nicely done!
I also like the contrast between smart and fool in the first two stanzas.
I love poems about nature, so I thought I'd return the review favor and take a look at one of yours.
This is a lovely simple poem about the transient life of a flower. If we pick a flower and it makes us happy, then "yay!"
I have only one minor (grammatical) suggestion:
3rd line: and also are redundant; I'd suggest removing "also."
This is a very interesting piece. I love that you feel and wonder about the night, the lights, and what happens during the almost dark.
I like the first two lines as they remind us that we should all be curious about what goes on around us -- day or night.
And the last line: the answer is in us all. If you are a meditator, we know that all answers are inside us even though we are all connected by the universe and its magical secrets.
How apropos in light of your election coming up, but we won't get into politics here!
It feels like a "prose poem," but your words flow well through the stanzas.
You put forth a valid message in these lines. I particularly like the message of the second verse: To “Think for Yourself” is to do your own research
so that you can form your own conclusions
with your own thoughts.
Not the thoughts of others who tell you what to think.
This is how I like to live my life. Be a skeptic and do your own research. You may come up with the wrong answer, but you might have fodder for debate!
This is a lovely poem with definite undertones of sadness and aloneness. The homeless only want a friend, some food, some shelter, and other basics of life. And, yet, we tend to walk on by and not give them the time of day. We tend to think of all the negative aspects and not the underlying reasons why they are living on the streets. It is so sad in todays world with the homeless population growing by leaps and bounds.
I like that you wrote from the "soul of the homeless person." It adds so much to your message. And I like the reminder that autumn (cooler weather) is leading to frigid winter weather in which the "soul" has to try and survive.
Hi, I'm finally getting around to reviewing some items from people who have read my work.
I interpret this piece as "there is nothing new in the world. We can't steal, but we can copy." At least, that's what they tell artists and writers. We can take the same old story or picture, revise it to meet our own take on character, setting, composition, colors, etc. and make it "new." In reality, we're just dealing with the same old junk we've seen a million times. And, to top it all off, students pay money to learn all this "new" stuff.
I really like the way the words flow in this poem.
Only two tiny fixes:
by well[hyphen]read
and
building a house to making your bed[space].
This is an older one of your poems, but it showed up in the Read and Review section this morning.
A poem full of optimism.
We all go through "periods of rain," but eventually, the sun does shine again.
The idea of rainbows and a golden sun do encourage us to get outside and enjoy nature -- nothing better than to take us out of our "despair and sorrow."
Your words flow well, and your word choices are good.
What a lovely poem about your sibling.
I have three brothers, but I know nothing about being a twin.
I can see how you might love and fight at the same time!
Your words flow well and the rhyming is nicely done.
I like this verse; it reminds me of the brother I've been closest to since childhood.
I can’t imagine life without
The highs, the lows, the fight, the doubt.
Though at times we’re far apart,
He's always close within my heart.
This is a wonderful poem about love and loss.
I think of the suggestion to write letters to people in order to resolve issues and let things go. This is a great example of that!
I love the phrase "dotted your eyes!" Brilliant!
I also like the lines about the eraser dust. What a great metaphor! And, the final "turning the page." The narrator is "letting go!"
How nice to think about and thank all the people that made you who you are. I don't think we do that often enough.
I like that your brought in specific things that you feel grateful for, like
• confidence
• empowerment
• love and contentment
• of course, nature which is the best way to appreciate life
Favorite lines: To nature, whose soothing hand
brought solace to my soul
Good morning.
I like this. I kind of reminds me of Mary Oliver's poems.
It's a neat piece referring to the things in mother nature as songs.
I wonder how many people think of that? Interesting!
At the end you talk about your own "sad song." I wonder if the other things see themselves as sad songs or happy songs. I'd see them as happy songs!
I like how you tied the things of nature to yourself (as Oliver often does).
Overall it has a great note of optimism.
I found only one suggestion:
In the fifth line, you write The fox, also, and the bear... "also, and" are redundant. I know that in speaking, we often use them together, but in writing, you should avoid this redundancy. You could remove one or the other: I'd suggest removing "also."
Good morning. Found this on "Read and Review" this morning.
Good poem. It's a fitting commentary on today's world I fear. We're too wrapped up in consumerism, monopolies, status, and who can out-do whom. We all want more, more, more. When will it stop?
I like how you tied the first few verses together by repeating the last word/s. Nice!
Sad too, that we've "become numbers" and not people anymore and killing seems to be "the norm."
I also like the short lines. They give impact to your message.
This is nice. I remember chasing fireflies when we were kids.
They were so cool! "How does a bug light up?" we wondered.
Best we don't keep them -- glad you let them go.
This is poem seems optimistic despite the "sad" views of city life. I used to live in a city and have never been happier since I move home to the country!
I love this verse: I always love a room with a view
It can be by the sea, by the mountain
or plateau
It can be by the garden where roses
grow
And the chirping of birds that keeps
me on the go.
Neat poem. I love short lines and you've created quite a cool little story in your poem. I see children dancing and laughing in the little shower spilled upon them. Nice bits of alliteration as well and the bits of rhyming make the reading flow well!
Nice how you create tension with the blowing wind
and then dying down to a whispering breeze, all matching
the increasing and decreasing syllable count.
Seems like a perfect topic for this form!
My favorite lines are the first lines and the last lines that tie everything together.
Being an artist myself, this caught my eye. I thought it would be one of those happy poems about the "glory" of the sunset. Instead I read it as a very sad tale on what one normally sees as beautiful — interesting! Maybe it talks of life, grief, death, and endings.
My favorite lines: A pallet laden with bright orange, umber and bloody pink
Spread thickly across a threadbare canvas of cloud and haze.
These evoke a clear but sorrowful image of the colors painted by the setting sun.
I also like the last lines with the words "tattered grey mourning shrouds," which lead me to my interpretation of the poem.
In the second line is a spelling error:
palette (instead of pallet).
Oh my gosh! You're making me hungry. I haven't had breakfast yet! .
The first two lines are particularly evocative.
And, of course, who doesn't love apple pie, especially with ice cream.
One minor suggestion. Did you mean to put a comma after carrots (rather than period)?
I haven't heard of Epulaeryu. I'll have to check it out. Interesting format.
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