Oh my gosh! You're making me hungry. I haven't had breakfast yet! .
The first two lines are particularly evocative.
And, of course, who doesn't love apple pie, especially with ice cream.
One minor suggestion. Did you mean to put a comma after carrots (rather than period)?
I haven't heard of Epulaeryu. I'll have to check it out. Interesting format.
This is a simple poem that creates a beautiful image of autumn on the lake. I happen to live on a small lake, so it makes me feel "right at home."
I like the first and last line and how they tie everything together. Nicely done!
I have only two very minor "issues" (take them or leave them as you choose ):
I'm not crazy about the line "had hit the ground to play." For me, it seems a bit jarring for the rest of the poem. Although at this moment, I'm having a bit of trouble coming up with an alternative.
And in the line "some placed fishermen." I might suggest a more concrete word than "some." Maybe "and handful of" or "a placid crew of fishermen" or "dozens" Not great suggestions I know, but I think you get my drift.
This is a lovely view of a "day in the life." I live on a lake, so love seeing and hearing the frogs, especially the big bullfrogs that sing loudly "harrumph..." in the night.
Your rhyming is well done and the reading flow is wonderful.
I like both the first and last verses: they tie all everything together beautifully.
This is cool. Good octet that paints a nice image of autumn.
I have only one suggestion:
The second line: Harvesting is being done. (being done is rather "dull" [no offence ] and [for me] doesn't flow well)
How about maybe Harvesting is underway (or something like that).
I empathize with the narrator. I've never been homeless, so I can only imagine what it's like. It must be hell, and why is it the "new normal?" Everyone deserves a right to a roof over their head and food in their stomach.
I definitely see the "grieving" part. It is a horrific loss that must be acknowledged. Too many people don't understand the reasons a person is homeless: there are so many.
This is good and oh so true.
I'm a woman, but I feel your pain.
In my family, we talked about nothing.
I never saw my father cry, even when his Dad passed away.
I'm sure he must have, but I never saw it.
So much pain flowed from his eyes,
and I realized he held those tears for years,
because in his world men couldn't feel,
This verse really got me. I don't understand why men
think they can't cry or be vulnerable, and building it
up for years must be so painful sometimes.
I like that you used free verse, which gives so many options
for expression.
I like your description of the prompt image. Everyone interprets poems differently.
Made me think of a few things:
. how dreams get construed although we try to figure if they have meaning.
. our climate changing because of the money-hungry "suits." Our time is running out.
The dark clouds holding back rain and the dark image of crows are well suited to the prompt creating a (sadly) bleak picture.
It's interesting isn't it how our memories of childhood change. What we remember as a "normal" childhood becomes different as we grow older and see the way things may really have been. Our childhood innocence changes as we discover the real world and gain more wisdom and see things more clearly.
Overall, I like your poem and the contrast between childhood innocence and adult truth.
I like the last lines: I remember,
but perhaps my memories are scrapped
and my version of childhood has warped.
One minor thing that tripped me up was:
being to little to reach up to the stars
and
It's seems (to me) a quick jump between the first lines and the line about fitting into favorite shoes. Maybe this should be a new verse? When did I stop...
Nice! and appropriate with autumn soon upon us.
This is a special moment when we see the changes coming upon us as the seasons change.
Your description of the sights and sounds are great in so few words.
This poem speaks to me about dreams that either vanish or stick with you from some reason we don't always know. Do dreams mean something or are they just images from our subconscious? Sometimes sleep and dreaming keep us from facing reality, which may or may not be a good thing.
One grammatical issue? Second verse: ...and will most likely be gone.
Overall, I like this. I like the short, succinct lines.
It says a lot in a few words.
Keep up the great work!
I like the feelings you talk about for rainy days. I get this. I often like rainy days too.
I like "a rainy day" repeated. Kinds reminds me of looking out the window and watching the wind pelt the rain down a window.
My only suggestion might be to build on these feelings: Rather than stating the obvious "soothing, calming, relaxing," could you add more concrete things that make you feel these ways:
. snuggled under a blanket, reading a book
. baking cookies or cooking a rare savory supper
. watching the gray clouds scud by
These aren't the best examples , but concrete words can often tend to evoke better a sense of your feelings rather than stating them explicitly. As in writing a story, show don't tell.
Based on your imagery, I see a person lying in the green grass on their back under a tree enjoying the green hillsides. He ponders the struggles of life that many of us would love to give up, given the chance. Nice!
He's been fighting societal demons and
I'm not sure about this line; somehow (for me) it seems out of place and cliche. Perhaps, it's not specific enough.
This poem speaks to me of giving wanting to give up responsibilities to respond to the the wonders of nature: gentle weather, breezes, leaves, sky, etc. It sets up a nice image until the shepherd realized he has indeed given up his responsibilities and lost his sheep. Now what!? In the end, I don't think one can give up the responsibilities and struggles of modern life.
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