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Review by Josie55 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I think that you can do a lot more with this.

I like the flow of the basic thoughts. I think that you could expand the vocabulary of the piece a bit more, if you wanted to expand the piece. THough, honestly, it flows pretty well as it is with a couple of exceptions.

I don't think you need to have "and" in "And as long as we're still living".

Also I think you could change "we won't ever be apart" to We'll never be apart to keep the flow if you take out end. But other than that, it's a good solid piece. Nice job!
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