\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/josiegray
Review Requests: OFF
5 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Anthony Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very well written.Your vampire of course seems to be some sort of super-vampire with speed powers even Dracula did not have. You could build on that idea in other stories with the question, how do humans fight such a monster? I like the fact that you built up to a punch line and left the thief's death to the imagination. That is a professional touch. It reminds me of Jack Vance's story that ends with the thief in a magic bubble feeling safe, when behind him comes the words 'I am Chun the unavoidable'. You also depicted well the thief's bitter,cynical attitude in his thoughts - good characterisation.
I would be careful with the swear words and rough terms. They might be appropriate or not according to the atmosphere you want or your readers.Always think about your market if you want publication.
All in all then,well done, a very good effort.
2
2
Review by Anthony Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
This has the virtue of honest feeling which I think is the purpose of poetry.
and it has that touching open-hearted young-girl quality with no straining for effect.
Where it needs work is in technique. Like all writing, poetry also has to be re-written and edited. Writing is hard work!
What I mean is that you have used complete sentences except 'your emotions so blur', which made me go OUCH! Although that was bad it is the correct idea. Words in poems are mainly to convey feeling and sentence structure can be varied. In a love poem the mood. not correct rhyming. is what matters.
Not wanting to bore you, one final suggestion: rewrite it in the first person making it stronger.
2 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/josiegray