Below the surface,

Lie dead men’s bones.



Rotting coffins

Hold the still remains

Of once strong men

Some who died in vain.
I would strike out the who, see if it has more punch as "some died in vain."


Buried deep

Below piles of earth

The corpses rest

Where no one can hurt.



Below the surface,

Lie dead men’s bones.



Bones belonging to the young and old.

Bones belonging to the rich and poor.

Bones bearing bullet holes.

Bones broken revealing the core.



The corpses lie

Their eyes shut tight;

Their bodies rigid

Like a block of ice.
I would cut this metaphor.


Below the surface

Lie dead men’s bones.



Numbered among the dead,

Their last words still unspoken.
I think you can cut the word "their" most of the time. It's not quite grammatical, but you'll find that it is immediately intelligible. To be more accurate, try "next" words still unspoken- by definition, the last ones get spoken before death. Or, cut the "un". And "final" might be stronger than "last." In fact, I'd almost recommend going with the inaccurate final- implying they had one more thing to say.

Their final resting place they’ve chosen.

To live or die was their choice.
Somebody chose their place, but did they? Did they choose to live, to die? If the persona believes that, you'll need to show why. Or make it more enigmatic... the choices made. Cut they and their, and simply imply that choice is the active power- not necessarily theirs, not necessarily ours.


Daily their numbers grow.

For everyone the end draws nearer.

The day we shall all see shall come.

After which , we each go, to his final dwelling place.



Below the surface Lie dead men’s bones;

Bones that may belong to us some day.


Cut the "may." Sure, there's a possibility we'll be vaporized, but it takes away from the tone of the piece.