I really like the flow of the writing, as well as the descriptive detail. Putting it in the First Person makes it that much more real. I found the ending to be a bit abrupt...it would be nice if it were "tied up" with the same descriptive detail as was used at the beginning.
I thought this was a really neat way to put the anticipation of birth into a poem! If the intended audience is a young child, they might struggle with the word "translucent," but then I don't know what other word you'd use there and it DOES scan very well. I must confess to being disappointed when I got to the end and realized it was the end...I'd like to read more of your poetry.
The sentiment in this poem is very powerful, and has been expressed very well. My personal preference in poetry is for the meter to be a little more steady (some lines have only 3 beats, others 4 or 5) but then again that's just my personal preference- I enjoyed reading this!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jpbenoit60
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 4:16am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
